


for the art of war

by gigglyjaehyun



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: 5 Seconds of Summer - Freeform, 5SOS - Freeform, AU, Alternate Universe, M/M, University AU, luke and ashton hate each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-15
Updated: 2014-05-17
Packaged: 2018-01-04 16:19:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 43,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1083092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gigglyjaehyun/pseuds/gigglyjaehyun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke wasn't sure exactly when his life turned into a train wreck, but he knew that it probably coincided with the day he met Ashton.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the first day

**Author's Note:**

> A/N - This is my first fanfic ever so it might be a little bad haha. I know the 5sos fam is really against M/M shipping? I'm sorry? I wrote this for fun. Just don't let any of the boys find this and we'll all be fine. Yayyyy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this two years ago and it was the first thing i ever wrote SO none of this actually makes sense hahaha

It was six o'clock in the morning and Luke was the most enthusiastic he'd been in a long time. The sun had barely risen and cast a dim, golden ray of light through his windows. His apartment was dead, as were the streets outside, at this ungodly hour of the day, but Luke was practically sprinting through the halls. The sound of the furnace buzzed in the background while Luke eagerly prepared some Lucky Charms to kick off his day. He still found it astonishing that he had gotten accepted to a college in America. Luke knew that going to school in America would be a bit difficult being so far from home, but he had high hopes. He was in a new country with new people and a fresh start. 

Luke's apartment was almost microscopic but he loved it. He had a beautiful view of the space needle and even though the television needed a few kicks before it would turn on, it was cheap and Luke liked it. It definitely wasn't everyone's cup of tea but Luke had arranged it just how he'd wanted it. Since he'd only landed in America a month ago, he still had empty walls. At the foot of his bed was a red suitcase spilling out clothes that he hadn't hung in his closet yet. He certainly hadn't completely finished unpacking.

On Luke's nightstand was a small, wooden, framed photograph of him and his family back home. He texted his mom everyday and sometimes his brother would call him but, overall, Luke wasn't suffering too bad from homesickness. 

It was the first day of classes and Luke wanted to make an impression. He probably didn't have to do much, considering that he was already from another country, but he actually made an effort to look decent. He wore a red flannel over his favorite Blink-182 shirt and simple black skinny jeans to go with it. To top it all off, Luke put in his lip piercing. He was quite proud of his piercing. People always viewed him as a "softy" and he liked how the piercing added a bit of a rough edge to him. 

Luke pulled on his messenger bag and cast a quick glance in the mirror to make sure he looked presentable before leaving his room. He locked his apartment up and stuffed the keys in his pocket before calmly walking down the hall. Excitement boiled through his veins and he tried his best to look casual. 

The drive to the university was a short fifteen minutes and traffic was shockingly not too bad. It was a quiet drive because the radio on his beaten down Toyota didn't work, but Luke was too excited to really care. When Luke first came to America he'd spent days trying to get used to the fact that everything was backwards. Luke now liked to tell himself that his driving skills were superior to even the locals. After all, he hadn't killed anyone yet. Luke spent a good five minutes circling the main parking lot trying to find the closest empty spot to the main building.

He was beginning to get stressed out with all these cars going in different directions and disrespectfully cutting each other off. Luke was stuck in a long line of vehicles with no one behind him and the vehicle in front of him had stopped, waiting for someone to back out of their spot. Luke waited almost two minutes before he finally told himself,  _fuck it_ , and swerved around the stopped car in front of him. Unfortunately, Luke's impatience got the best of him and he ended up crashing his headlights into the rear of the vehicle in front. There was a loud crashing sound followed by a long honk and that was officially when Luke knew he was fucked.  _  
_

Luke cussed loudly and pulled the key out of ignition. As the engine died down, he hit his head against the top of the steering wheel a few times, hoping the other driver wouldn't be too angry. Luke leaned his head back and let out a loud groan as he covered his face with his hands. The voice in his head angrily cussed himself out multiple times before Luke finally gathered the courage to open his car door. Luke took a breath of the cool Seattle air and finally collected himself enough to go over to the other driver, who was waiting in their silver Prius with the engine off. Surveying the rear of the car, it looked like the damage wasn't  _too_ bad but their left rear light was completely demolished. Luke's vehicle, on the other hand, was in much better shape which only made Luke feel worse about the situation.

The other driver threw his door open so hard that Luke thought he was going to break the hinges and stepped out of the car with an exasperated expression. The tall boy had curly bronze hair and wore a grey Marvel tank. The guy began pacing over to Luke and Luke felt his heart racing in fear.

"Ok, I just want to say I'm really sorry," Luke spat out. "I'll pay for all the repairs, I swear. I just want to get to class."

"Well, don't we all?" the other boy hissed. The other boy had a thick Australian accent that stunned Luke at first. Even Luke's accent wasn't that heavy, and what were the chances of him finding someone else from Australia here?

"Hold on." Luke quickly ran back to his car and grabbed a tiny notepad from his bag. He tore off a little sheet of paper and wrote his name and number on it before hurrying back to the boy. "Here, my name's Luke. I really don't want to be late for class so if you give me a call later we can sort it out then." 

Luke made eye contact with the other boy and felt light in his head. The other boy looked furious at Luke as he took the note from him. Luke was trying his best to handle the situation but he'd never been involved in an accident before. Luke had the burning desire to just leave but he didn't want to be rude and waited for the boy to turn back to his car before Luke did the same. 

\---

By the time Luke came running into the building, the halls were completely empty and the clock in the main lobby read 9:10. Luke was ten minutes late to his first class at a university. He'd already fucked up his reputation here in America and he wanted to just sit in the bathroom and smash his head against the wall instead of showing up to class late. What would the professor say? Luke's day started only a couple hours ago and he already wanted to take a break from life.

Luke quickly went to the bathroom to fix his hair and clothes before he went to his class. He took a deep breath outside the door of his class before he gently put his hand on the door and twisted the knob. To Luke's surprise, the professor was sat at his computer while the rest of the class socialized quietly. Most of the students didn't even notice Luke walk in, and that was how Luke's first day of university began. 


	2. how could somebody be so annoying?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - Hellooo thanks for all the kudos and comments! I went back and made a few grammatical changes on the first chapter, but mostly I was just fixing the clunky sentences. The plot's the exact same, so there's no need for you to go back and re-read it haha. Also, I was going to make this chapter longer (my chapters are really short??) and I actually have more written but I decided to cut it off here and just include the rest in the next update, mainly because I felt like if I included it here, it would be a pretty boring ending. I feel like this chapter was much more well-written than the first one, it was also easier for me to write lol. Thanks again so much for all the support!

Luke was completely drained by the end of the week. He had no idea how he was going to endure an entire nine months of college when he could barely survive the first week. It seemed that most of his classmates got along rather easily, but Luke wasn't like them. He preferred keeping to himself and he always pasted on a fake smile when strangers talked to him. Except, of course, when it came time to talk to the boy whose car Luke drove into. His name was Ashton; which Luke discovered when he saw a girl run over to Ashton and shriek his name during passing time between classes. It seemed Ashton definitely had girls following him around, which wasn't a surprise at all. Luke didn't particularly like Ashton, but he wasn't going to deny that there was something about him that was so strangely captivating. Even more amazing, it seemed that wherever Ashton was, there was a crowd with him. A lot of people seemed to like him and Luke had no idea why. 

It was nearly noon when Luke heard his phone go off. Luke was still asleep, since it was Saturday, all curled up underneath the pile of blankets and pillows in his dark bedroom. The curtains were dark blue, stopping any light from coming in, and the floor was littered with clothes. It hadn't been this bad at the start of the week, but then again, at the start of the week, Luke had actually had his life in order. Now it felt like Luke's life had slowly become a jumbled mess— just like his grades. 

Hearing the three-tone alert go off, Luke moaned and rolled onto his other side, still with his eyes closed. He figured that whoever the text was from could wait, but then his phone went off again only a couple minutes later. Luke slowly opened his eyes and squinted, even though there was no actual light in his room. He reached for his phone off the nightstand while still huddled under the covers and unlocked it. He had two messages from Ashton, both of the messages pertaining with the cost of the damage to his car. Luke let out a loud, annoyed groan before slowly throwing off the sheets and stumbling out of bed so clumsily he almost went careening to the floor. 

Before responding to the texts, Luke went into the bathroom to fix his hair and splash some water on his face. As soon as he got one look at his reflection, he began muttering under his breath.

"God just let me sleep all day." He splashed some water on his face. " _Please_." He splashed more water and buried his face in a towel before heading back for his room.

Luke picked up his phone and reread the messages. 

_Just got done talking to the repair guy._

_What time do you wanna meet to talk about prices?_

Luke texted back a short message telling Ashton that he was free at three o'clock before he shoved his phone back into his pocket and went to get some breakfast. As Luke was pouring some cereal into a small bowl, his phone buzzed in his pocket and he received another message from Ashton telling him to meet at Ashton's house with the address.

\---

By the time three o'clock rolled around, Luke had done nothing with his day except sit on the couch and blankly watch cartoons. He was disappointed because he'd planned on getting a bit of his homework done but instead he'd decided to watch the Scooby-Doo marathon. 

As Luke pulled up to a small green house nestled in a cozy neighborhood, Luke began feeling nervous. He was hoping their discussion would take no longer than fifteen minutes. Luke was a bit scared of Ashton, though he refused to admit it; he knew he definitely wasn't on Ashton's good side and he didn't want to make their relationship worse.

Luke pressed the doorbell shakily and waited for Ashton to answer. The locks on the door began clicking and finally the door opened slightly, revealing Ashton's curious brown eyes. His hair was tucked under a beanie and he was wearing a grey sweater that was a little too big for him. 

"Oh. Come in." 

Luke walked through the door and followed Ashton into the kitchen where Ashton told him to take a seat at the table. The house was lit with warm colors that gave the place a more domestic ambiance. Overall, the house seemed pretty organized, and soft music played in the background from another room. In fact, the house was so neat that Luke could actually see the surface of the red-orange wooden table he was sat next to, whereas Luke's kitchen table was cluttered with books and papers. He was surprised that a teenage boy had managed to keep his house this tidy— even the dishes were all washed. 

"So, it turns out you caused quite a bit of damage," Ashton said as he took a seat across from Luke. Luke blinked, unsure what to say. "It also turns out that I was late for my first class," Ashton added, "which is lovely." Luke clenched his teeth in annoyance.

"I was late too," Luke said quietly. After the words left his mouth, Luke mentally slapped himself and quickly threw in,"But I really want to make it up to you so I'll pay for all the damages on your car." 

Ashton smiled, but Luke couldn't tell if it was a real smile or a sarcastic one. "Well, the bill's pretty hefty." 

There was a long silence. "How hefty?" Luke questioned. 

"Oh, you know...." Ashton coughed. "It's in the thousands." Luke made a disgusted face and quickly covered it up with a cough. The way Ashton was speaking really made Luke want to get up and leave. 

"I'll uh... yeah. I'll pay for it." 

"Okay, that's great. But before you leave, let's go over the exact costs. Actually— let me point out the damage to you. Just so you know exactly what you're paying for, alright?" Ashton got out of his seat and left the kitchen without waiting to see if Luke was following. Luke rolled his eyes in frustration and stood up to follow Ashton into the garage. He knew Ashton was only doing this to give him a hard time and the way Luke was seeing things, there was no way he was getting out of it.

\---

On the drive back from Ashton's place, thoughts ran through Luke's mind faster than a hamster on a wheel. Most of his thoughts were along the line of _h_ _o_ _w could somebody be so annoying?_ but more than anything, Luke was positive that he did not like Ashton. The whole time Ashton was going over the costs, it seemed he was only doing it to mock Luke, and Luke, being unfortunately as passive as he was, didn't have the strength to tell Ashton to shut up. Much of the conversation went something along the lines of: "This is the really important thing you obliterated with your shitty driving skills. It's going to cost you both of your arms and a small puppy," followed by Luke staring dumbfounded at Ashton in annoyance while Ashton smiled back arrogantly. 

Luke spent the rest of his night half-laying, half-sitting on the couch under a blanket watching Netflix. The last thing he wanted to do was think. Nobody had ever made him feel less of himself than Ashton just did, and it was only because of such a petty incident. People got into fender-benders everyday, yet Ashton chose to take the route that made Luke feel as stupid as possible. Plus, on top of the problem with Ashton, Luke had to find a way to scrap up the money for the repairs. He barely even had enough money to pay rent. Luke knew he would have to get a job in America eventually but he didn't realize it would be so soon. The thought of juggling both school and work everyday frightened him, and so Luke turned the TV up louder.


	3. new school, new friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - Wow guys thanks so, so much for all the support! Your comments are actually so sweet you make me want to curl up into a ball and squeal :) I hope you guys all had a lovely Christmas. I think it's pretty ridiculous that I still have homework over the break but whatever, here's the next chapter yaayyyy  
> Also I don't know why my chapters are so short, I guess I just don't like mass-writing?? Lol

Soon the weekend ended and Luke had only barely completed his homework on time. His Monday morning started off pretty hectic but gladly without any car wrecks. His first class had a pop quiz and he dropped all his textbooks down the stairs trying to get to his second class. Students stared and he heard a few of them quietly laughing but only one person helped him. He was a boy with skunk-colored hair who seemed like he, too, was trying to stifle a laugh at Luke's misfortune. 

"Hey, you're a freshman right?" the boy asked as he handed Luke back his Physics and Calculus books. "Don't feel bad, most people don't care about freshmen. I'm only helping you out because I like to think I'm a nice person." This boy also had an Australian accent but it actually seemed like there was a pretty even spread of students from other countries and it didn't take Luke by surprise like it did when he first heard Ashton speak. 

Luke took the books back from him and carefully balanced them in his arms. "Well, thank you, actually," Luke said. "I've had a pretty rough first week. My name's Luke."

"Michael," the other boy clarified. "We have the same Physics class together," he added. "I think. Well anyway, I've gotta get going, see you around I guess." 

This was the first time anyone, besides Ashton, had spoken to Luke since school began, and it kind of relieved a bit of stress from Luke, knowing that he now had someone he was free to talk to. 

By the time lunch came around, Luke's hand physically couldn't move from writing so many notes. Michael found him during lunch and came over to sit by Luke with another friend whom he'd introduced as Calum. Calum was really energetic and overall seemed like a fun guy to hang around, and it felt like Luke had known him his entire life. They spent much of their lunch talking about FIFA and Luke found it comforting being able to eat lunch with other people. It wasn't boring anymore and he actually looked forward to it now.

\---

Once school ended, Luke made it his priority to go job-hunting, which was kind of terrifying because he'd never actually done it before. He only had a few-thousand more dollars to last him, plus he needed to pay Ashton. First Luke made a quick stop at his apartment and after grabbing a yogurt out of the fridge, he went to change his clothes. Sifting through his closet, he found the clean jeans he was looking for and wore a simple red flannel over a Vans t-shirt on top. He took out his lip piercing and fixed his hair quickly in the bathroom. Walking past the kitchen, he threw the empty yogurt cup in the trash, grabbed his messenger bag, and locked up his apartment before taking a stroll through Seattle.

Luke liked walking through Seattle. Though he'd only been here for a month, he felt like there were always things happening here and, of course, the weather wasn't nearly quite as scorching as Australia. It rained a lot in this part of America, which gave the air a bit of a clean feel. Luke honestly didn't know the area very well and he was really just hoping he could stop by a few shops to see if they were hiring. The sidewalks were a little busier than usual, as well as the traffic at this time of the day.

Luke made his first stop at a bakery in fairly close proximity from his apartment. Taking one step in the little bakery, Luke was shocked by how busy it was. Everyone had just gotten off work and apparently was craving a donut or something. Luke joined in the line and fixed his shirt as the line moved forward. After a few minutes of waiting, he noticed something out of the corner of his eye. Sitting at the far end of the bakery next to the windows was Ashton, and he wasn't alone. Laughing with him at the table was a beautiful blonde girl, and Luke left that place in a matter of seconds before even speaking to the manager. 

Seeing Ashton while going job-hunting was ironic, to say the least. If it wasn't for Ashton, Luke would probably be able to make it a couple more months before needing to find employment. If it wasn't for Ashton, Luke could be at home catching up on homework. If it wasn't for Ashton, Luke would probably be a lot less stressed out. 

Luke walked a few more blocks, passing several groups of rowdy teenagers and somber businessmen, before he found his next chance. It was a quiet little music store that sat at the corner of an intersection. Peering through the windows there was a row of guitars at the far end of the store hanging on the wall which caught Luke's attention. Luke was, in fact, quite musical. He didn't take music seriously but rather more as a hobby. He'd learned to play the guitar as a kid and actually brought his guitar with him to America. Luke felt like he had a good chance stealing a job at this place, so he pushed open one of the doors and took a step inside. 

\---

Luke bragged about his new job at lunch with Calum and Michael the next day. He was really looking forward to beginning work and he was pretty proud of himself for scoring a job so easily. 

"Look at you," Michael said. "You're over here getting a job and sorting out your life while I train Pokemons." 

"I'm sure you could probably find a nice career path with that," Calum chirped. "You could become a professional real-life Pokemon trainer or something." 

"Right, Calum," Michael shot back, "because those exist." Calum shrugged in response. 

"So, you play the guitar?" Calum said to Luke. 

"Well, yeah," Luke answered. "Not seriously or anything, but I play it to pass the time." 

"Well that's sexy," Calum said while taking down a spoonful of mashed potatoes. "Watch as all the girls ditch Ashton and come crawling to you." 

Luke suddenly tensed up in both surprise and annoyance. "What do you mean?"

"The guitar's kind of like a dog-whistle for—"

"No," Luke cut Calum off. "I mean... you know Ashton? Ashton Irwin?" 

Calum and Michael exchanged a glance. "Yeah, what about him?"

"Nothing— I was just— I didn't know he was... popular."

Calum laughed. "Yeah, everyone knows Ashton. He's just a nice guy. I've never really seen him _not_ like someone."

"Except he doesn't play FIFA, so we're not really friends," Michael threw in as he stabbed the mashed potatoes on his plate with a fork.

Luke scoffed and looked away, refraining from rolling his eyes. Of course Ashton's a nice, charming person. Luke would know first-hand. 

"You look pissed," Michael noted after Luke didn't respond. "You not like him?" he teased jokingly. As the end of lunch approached, the cafeteria slowly emptied out and the chatter quieted down. The emptiness of the room was refreshing. 

The bell rang and the three boys got up and began hurrying to get to their next class. "Yeah I guess you could say that." 


	4. the stars must've been aligned perfectly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - Again, thank you guys so much for all the comments and kudos they make me smile :) It took me forever to finally decide how I wanted this chapter to go and here we are... I'm sorry it's a little cliché and predictable but I just NEEDED it to happen for character development lol (which I suck at) Also some of the things in this chapter are based off real-life experiences so I guess that makes it more enjoyable or something haha  
> Also I hope you guys have a Happy New Year :) Looking forward to 2014!

The first months of school flew by rapidly and soon it was early December. Everyone had just gotten off Thanksgiving break (which Luke had spent with Calum and Michael since all three of them had never actually celebrated Thanksgiving before) and Christmas was coming up. Students had begun fixing up the campus with Christmas lights and banners and there was even an exquisitely decorated tree put up in the main hall. Unfortunately, along with the fast-approaching holidays was the fast-approaching Finals week. Luke spent his weekends at Calum's apartment intending on studying and perfecting their English presentation, but rather ending up seated in front of the television playing videogames and swearing at the TV. Luke had become really good friends with Calum and Michael as the year progressed and he was so incredibly grateful to have them by his side.

Of course, by this point, Luke had already paid Ashton the money for the accident and they hadn't spoken a word to each other since. Luke was so focused on his grades and work that he had no time to sulk over a stupid mistake he'd made months ago. The job Luke had working at the music store was going pretty well considering it was his first job. The salary wasn't very high but it was enough to keep a college student going. Most of the customers were younger children looking for instruments to play in their school's orchestra and Luke loved talking with them. 

Luke obviously couldn't fit a Christmas tree in his apartment so he'd went out to the store and bought a miniature artificial tree that he set on the coffee table in front of the television. It wasn't much, but Luke figured he wouldn't need much since he wouldn't be spending the break here in Seattle anyway. He'd already arranged plans with his family back in Australia to spend the holidays with them, making him more than excited for school to get out. 

However, the professors enjoyed slamming the students with big projects right before the break. It seemed the only class he didn't have to worry about so far was Physics, but that all changed quickly. 

Luke grabbed one of the packets the Physics professor was handing out and stared at it blankly. There were so many words on the page and just the thought of another project made Luke want to slip into a coma. The professor stood in front of the class and began going over the project with the students. The objective of the project was to build a car powered only by a mousetrap and to get it to go either as far as possible or as fast as possible. As soon as Luke's eyes scanned the line "You will work with an assigned partner," Luke's mind froze. He hated that word,  _assigned_. Why did things have to be assigned? Luke had only one other friend in the class and he probably wouldn't get to work with him. Luke hated working with people he didn't already know, because on top of working on the actual graded assignment, you had to get to know them or even work together outside of class. While the professor continued explaining the packet, Luke drowned out every word he said with his mind going into overdrive. He tried his best to sneak little glances around the room to see who could possibly be his partner and, to his surprise, Luke was the only one that seemed to be panicking. 

Finally the professor tapped the Smart Board behind him and the slide changed to a listing of everyone's partners. "I want you guys to get with your partner and start sketching down ideas for your car." 

Luke's eyes frantically scanned the slide for his name. His eyes slid to the name directly horizontal of his and he felt his heart stop. Luke let out an exasperated groan while Michael, seated next to him, had a smug grin on his face because his partner was the hot senior. Some people got luckily partnered with one of their friends and Luke suddenly felt extremely jealous of them.

"Hey Luke who's your..." Michael's eyes landed on the name typed next to Luke's. "Oh." 

Luke rubbed his hands on his face and swore silently to himself. 

"If it makes you feel any better, all the girls would kill to have your partner," Michael said. Luke wanted to smack him, but then the pretty girl Michael was partnered with walked up to his desk and Luke let out an even louder groan. 

Luke had completely forgotten that Physics was the only class he shared with Ashton because Ashton sat at literally the exact opposite side of the room and, of course, the stars must've been aligned perfectly because Ashton would be Luke's partner for the next two months. Out of all the 21 other people Luke could've been partners with he had somehow managed to get Ashton. 

"I want you guys to go find your partners," the professor reiterated, despite the fact that most of the students had already begun brainstorming. "I have to go make some copies of this assignment. Remember, a sketched diagram of your car is due at the end of class."

Luke sluggishly shuffled over to Ashton and took a seat in the empty desk next to him. 

"Hi Luke."

"Hey." Only three words had been spoken but it was off to a better start than Luke was expecting. 

Ashton pulled a pencil and a sheet of lined paper out of his binder. "So I was thinking..." Ashton began sketching a drawing while explaining to Luke what he had in mind for the car. Luke's mind was so wrapped around itself that the words went in one ear and out the other; Ashton said something about the wheels and something about discs but Luke didn't register it. All of the memories from late August came flooding back and he had a sudden overwhelming desire to switch classes. 

Ashton stopped in the middle of one of his sentences when he realized Luke wasn't listening and glanced up at him; Luke was staring vacantly down at the paper. It took Luke a good ten seconds before he realized Ashton had stopped talking. "What?"

"Wow." Ashton threw his pencil down. "Could you be less helpful?" 

"What? I like your idea. Yeah, we should do that." 

"You don't even know what my idea is," Ashton snapped. He stared coldly at Luke while Luke quickly tried to defend himself.

"Yes I do," Luke protested. He pointed at the lines and circles Ashton had on the paper. "You're going to use—" Luke pointed at a circle, "— _that_ for the wheels because it'll go faster." 

Ashton stared at Luke for a couple seconds before shaking his head. "No, Luke," said Ashton. "We're going for distance, not speed. I said that—twice." 

"Whatever," Luke mumbled. "That's what I meant."

"No it's not!" Ashton exclaimed. Luke gripped the edges of his desk hard enough that his knuckles turned white. "You're not paying attention, but why did I think you would? And would it even make sense to use discs for wheels to make the car go _faster?_  They have less friction so they would go a longer distance. Less friction wouldn't increase their speed." Luke bit his lip in frustration as Ashton continued rambling on. "I guess cars just aren't your thing. Every time you have to do something with cars you somehow find a way to fuck it up—"

"Will you just  _shut up_?" Luke hissed. Both Ashton and Luke himself were shocked to hear him speak up. "I made a simple mistake, why do you have to be such an ass?" Luke finally took his eyes off the paper and met Ashton's. Ashton was staring at Luke in surprise and wanted to say a witty remark but the words were caught in his throat. A few other groups had stopped talking and watched the two boys in amazement. Finally a voice broke the silence between them and it was the girl Michael was partners with shouting at Ashton from across the room: "Ash, you're cute when you're angry!" They only barely heard her over all the chatter in the room but it was enough to send Luke completely over the edge. "Excuse me," Luke sneered. Fuming, he got out of his seat and left the classroom.


	5. are you okay?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - Yaaaay it's finally 2014! I actually have really high hopes for this year.  
> Also, if you guys didn't know, the title of this fic is actually the name of a song by We The Kings. It's a really good song, so if you haven't heard it you should definitely go take a listen.  
> This update's longer than the others, and I'm hoping on getting the updates to be around this length (or longer) in the future.

Michael set down his lunch tray across from Luke and took a seat. "What happened?" 

"Nothing," Luke muttered. He lazily poked at the broccoli on his tray with a fork. Luke hadn't eaten any of his lunch yet, but still felt the urge to throw up. Though some people would say that what Luke did was a courageous act of defiance, it wasn't really. Everybody loved Ashton and would obviously stand for him. Luke was simply a quiet freshman that managed to get through most of his days by only talking to two people; nobody really cared for him.

"What's up?" Calum took a seat next to Luke, noticing that Luke was quieter than usual. Luke ignored him. 

"Luke, if you want us to go talk to Ashton, we can," Michael suggested. 

"That's probably not a good idea. I did it myself, didn't I?" 

Calum looked at Michael in confusion. "What are you talking about?" 

"Can I tell him?" Michael checked with Luke; he slowly nodded and went back to staring at his food while Michael filled Calum in on the details. Luke wasn't hungry and the food on his plate seemed almost threatening to him. Luke suddenly wished that he'd stayed back in Australia for school. 

Once Calum was caught up on the story, he smacked Luke on the back as an act of congratulations. "Good on ya, mate."

Luke looked up from his tray and locked eyes with Calum for a split second before looking back down. 

"Aw, what's wrong Lukey-wukey? You did good." Calum pinched Luke's cheek. When Luke didn't respond, Calum sighed and turned back to Michael. The two of them exchanged a look and began rambling on about some football game while Luke spent the rest of lunch without saying a word, forcing down occasional bites. 

\---

Luke tried his best to display a positive mood at work, but somewhat failed. However, to his luck, the music store was considerably empty on the weekdays, and so he spent most of his time in the corner of the store, quietly plucking the strings on one of the acoustic guitars. His boss Eric had left to go to his cousin's ballet recital and Luke spent the four hours after school without a word spoken— not that it bothered him. 

Fortunately, the few customers that did come in only browsed for music books and paid quickly at the register before leaving.

There was only one thing on Luke's mind as his fingers softly glided over the guitar strings, and it was Ashton. Luke partially wanted to be friends with Ashton, but he also partially wanted to never speak to him again. What really tore Luke apart was how Ashton interacted with other people. He was always bubbly and full of life; everything was fine until Luke came into the picture, and it made Luke feel slightly unwanted. On top of that, Luke hated himself for caring so much about Ashton; he clearly didn't care about Ashton in the same way that he cared about his friends or his family, but rather in a way that destroyed him. Ashton was a dick, but something in the back of Luke's mind refused to accept that he was a dick. His mind just couldn't let it go.

When it finally struck seven o'clock, Luke closed down the store and dimmed the lights before locking up. The drive back to Luke's apartment was short but, yet again, still silent as his radio wasn't fixed yet. Luke hated the silence. The silence gave him more time to think, and that was the last thing Luke wanted to do right now. He hated how his mind always thought about things; maybe if he'd stopped thinking so much, then none of this would be a problem. The Seattle skyline was beautiful at night, but Luke couldn't even appreciate the city with his mind constantly  _thinking_. 

Luke turned on the television as soon as he was in his apartment. He wasn't watching it but his apartment needed the background noise. He added a stereo onto his mental shopping list. Luke had microwaved a frozen dinner—he'd finally regained his appetite—and picked away at it while finishing up his homework. Somewhere along the line, his phone buzzed in his pocket and he got a text from Michael asking how he was coping. Luke typed up a response to Michael that said he was fine and was working on homework, but he felt that sounded too dull, so he tacked on a smiley face at the end. 

At around ten o'clock, Luke decided to spend the rest of his night cuddled on the couch watching old episodes of How I Met Your Mother on Netflix. He poured a bowl of Chex Mix, turned all the lights off in his apartment, and covered himself with a blanket on the couch while the TV blared. 

Just before it hit eleven, Luke felt his phone go off and he clumsily fished it out of his pocket. He squinted at the light and saw he had a text from Ashton. It pissed Luke off. Just as he had finally gotten his mind off of the incident that happened today, he receives a text from said person. Luke's thumb hovered over the "open" button when, at the last second, he clicked his phone off. No matter what the message said, Luke didn't want to read it. If he read it, his mind would force himself to respond. He didn't want to respond; Ashton certainly didn't deserve an answer anyway. Luke threw his phone onto the coffee table and hit play on the remote. 

\---

Luke didn't want to go to school the next day, but since it was the last day of the week, he gathered enough strength to get out of bed. His morning was slow and his mind was almost completely out of it. He came horrifyingly close to spilling all his cereal on the kitchen floor and almost forgot to lock his apartment on the way out. 

Luke should've dreaded going to Physics, but he didn't really. He was tired of fighting Ashton and he figured that if he just acted like there wasn't an issue then things would be fine. The students scribbled notes for the first half of class. After they felt like they couldn't write anymore, the professor began handing back their mousetrap car sketches. 

"I wrote some suggestions for your guys' cars, but overall I think you guys have some really good ideas for your cars. I want you guys to start talking about the materials you'll need to gather and maybe discussing to work on your cars outside of class; I want these cars to be assembled by the end of next week. They don't have to be the final copy, but I just want to see them put together." 

Luke took the same seat next to Ashton at the back of the class that he did yesterday. Ashton gave Luke a faint half-smile when Luke sat down.

"We got an A on our sketch," Ashton said. Luke looked at their paper and nodded. Scribbled on the side of the page in red ink were notes on how to improve their car that Ashton briefly read over to himself.

"I'm going to make some changes, okay?" said Ashton. Luke nodded in response. Ashton took a pencil out of his binder and began erasing at the carefully drawn lines on the page. Luke fidgeted with the wristbands covering his arms in silence while Ashton fixed the car. Luke hadn't said a word yet, but he didn't feel bad about it. Clearly things went smoother when Luke remained silent. Out of the corner of his eye, Luke saw Michael shooting glances over at them from time to time just to make sure nothing was going wrong. 

"Okay," Ashton turned back to Luke, "does this look good?" He handed Luke the paper and Luke looked it over. It seemed all Ashton did was change the axles and Luke nodded, handing the paper back. Ashton took the paper back hesitantly. "Are you okay?" he asked. "You haven't said a word."

Luke was surprised to hear Ashton say that. At first he wanted to respond with _why do you care?_ but instead he said, "I'm fine."

Ashton put the paper on his desk and began bolding the lines on the drawing. "Did you get my text?" he asked. 

"No."

Ashton hesitated. "Oh... well, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. About what happened yesterday." Luke looked at Ashton, who was carefully gliding his pencil over the paper. "Sometimes I just say things and I can't stop it. I didn't want to make you feel bad." Luke didn't know what to say, so he didn't say anything. He suddenly felt a little light-headed. 

"Well, we should meet up this weekend to work on the car," Ashton suggested when Luke didn't respond. "How about noon tomorrow at my place? I can get all the materials." 

"That works," Luke responded. They spent the rest of the class in silence with the chatter of all the other students surrounding them.

\---

Luke awoke to his alarm the next day at eleven o'clock, first in confusion, until he realized he was supposed to meet Ashton today. Personally, Luke thought it would be a waste of time since they still had an entire week to work on the cars. Anyway, Saturday was the only day Luke didn't have school or work and he usually liked to spend that day alone. 

It was raining outside— not that it surprised anyone. The sound of the rain pouring on the windshield was the only sound that filled the car, but Luke liked it. Most people that lived in this area were sick of the rain, but Luke hadn't been here long enough to get annoyed at it, so he appreciated it. The downfall was that it was only twenty degrees outside, which meant the roads would be especially slick.

Luke drove slowly and tried to keep his foot off the brake until he'd safely made it to Ashton's house. He parked his car behind Ashton's and cautiously walked through the rain to Ashton's porch with his black messenger bag slung over his shoulder. Luke pressed the doorbell and waited for Ashton to answer. The rain was pouring harder now and there was a small puddle beginning to form where Luke stood. The clouds coming in were an eerie, dark shade of gray. Even though Luke had only been outside for no more than thirty seconds, his fingers were already beginning to stiffen. Just like last time, Luke heard the locks on the door clicking before it cracked open, revealing Ashton. He had on the same black beanie he had last time, but this time he had a black hoodie on top and gray sweats on the bottom.

"Hey." Ashton stood back, letting Luke walk in. "You can take your shoes off and put them right there, then meet me in the living room." Ashton walked off and Luke clumsily slipped his water-soaked Vans off.

Luke found Ashton sitting on the carpet in front of a short glass table with a box of materials on it. There was indie music playing softly from another room in the house and the blinds were shut. The lamps in the corner cast a dim light, giving the room a more relaxing vibe, and a fire flickered on the opposite side of the room. Ashton pulled out a crinkled piece of paper from underneath the box—it was the paper with their plans for the car—and set it in front of him. Luke walked over and took a seat on the floor on the opposite side of the table, setting his messenger bag on the floor next to him. 

Ashton began pulling the materials out of the box and Luke began sorting through them. "Wow, you have everything."

"Yeah, I got it all last night." 

It was mostly silent between the two boys while they constructed the car. Luke felt awkward not saying anything, but Ashton seemed fine with it as he sang along to the faint music quietly. 

It was Ashton that broke the silence. "Hey, don't you work at that music store a few blocks down from the bakery?" 

"Yeah, how'd you know?" Luke asked. 

"Word goes around the school pretty fast." 

"Do you have a job?" Luke inquired. 

Ashton hesitated. "Kind of. I'm a photographer. I sell my pictures and sometimes take pictures at events but I don't really count it as a job." 

Luke didn't understand. "Why not?"

"It just doesn't feel like one," Ashton responded. "I don't work from certain hours, I just do it when I want to and—" Ashton dropped a wire on the floor and bent over to pick it up "—and I don't really have a boss. Luke, be careful with the discs, they break easily." Luke bit his lip, trying to stop himself from pulling an annoyed face. 

After their short exchange of words, it went quiet again. Once they'd finished the rear axle, they both began carefully working on the front one. Luke was having trouble getting the disc to stay attached and so he gripped the disc a little harder before it cracked in half, resonating a chiming sound as it fell on the surface of the table.

"Aw, shit," Ashton muttered. "I said be careful with the discs. I don't have many left." 

"Ashton, can I ask you something?" Luke asked. Ashton nodded while he reached into the box to pull out another disc. "Why do you not like me?" 


	6. getting mixed signals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - Hellooo so this update picks off right where the last one ended, so I'd recommend going back and reading a few of the last paragraphs in the previous update if you can't remember what happened. Sorry it took so long to update; school started and I had Honor Band and Winter Formal and it's been crazy— plus it took me forever to finally figure out exactly how I wanted this chapter to go, but here we are!

Ashton tensed up at the question as he pulled a disc out of the box and slid it over to Luke. "What do you mean?"

"Why don't you like me?" Luke repeated. Ashton didn't say anything for a few seconds and Luke regretted asking such a dumb question. He held his breath, waiting to hear what Ashton would say.

"Don't start that," Ashton finally spoke up. Luke felt his stomach flip and he suddenly had mixed emotions. 

"Start what?" 

_"That."_

"It was a question." Luke felt his heart racing in his chest. Maybe he didn't want to know what Ashton's answer would be. 

"I never said I didn't like you," Ashton said quietly.

"Well you act like it," Luke whispered harshly, the words only barely escaping his lips. Ashton laughed— but it wasn't his usual laugh. It was forced and had a twinge of sarcasm mixed in. 

"Really? That's funny," Ashton shot back.

"How is that funny?"

Ashton snorted. Luke felt his hands begin to tremble slightly and tried his best to make it unnoticeable. There was a long stretch of silence that Luke spent by focusing on the car. He hated the silence. He knew there were things he wanted to say right now and there were things that Ashton wanted to say that neither of them spoke out loud.

Ashton finally broke the silence by asking, "How do I act like I don't like you?" Luke's hands began sweating and it was hard for him to maintain a grip on the axle he was once holding firmly. Luke opened his mouth to answer, but stopped himself quickly. "No, don't do that," Ashton ordered, "just tell me." 

Luke set the axle down gently, reached for a wire out of the box, and began nervously twisting it to keep himself occupied.

"You always get mad at me," Luke muttered. He felt the wire slipping through his fingers. "Even when I don't do anything wrong. And I just want you to like me? No—" Luke bit his lip hard enough that he began to feel the metallic taste of blood. "No. No. I didn't mean that. I meant that I just want us to get along." At this point, all the words that had left Luke's mouth were purely _stupid_ , and he wished he would stop talking, but he couldn't. The words kept pouring out. He was tripping over his words between choked breaths, and his face had turned a deep shade of red. "I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm doing. _Fuck—_ " Luke threw the piece of wire down so that it smacked against the table before he suddenly stood up. Luke's head felt like it was going to explode and he felt his heart racing in his chest. He stood up so fast that at first he thought he was going to pass out, and he needed a few seconds to collect himself.

"No, Luke, stop." Ashton quickly sprang up and went around to the other side of the table before he grabbed Luke by the shoulders. The two boys had never even touched before and under ordinary circumstances, Luke would've probably pushed Ashton away. However, these weren't ordinary circumstances, and he didn't even flinch. "Look at me," Ashton demanded. Luke continued rambling, refusing to look at Ashton. He was talking so fast that his words were barely English and began mixing together. "Luke," Ashton spoke again. "Just take a deep breath." 

"I don't know why I do everything wrong— I can't do anything right—" Even though Ashton's face was only inches away from his, Luke refused to look into his eyes. "Why do I always fuck everything up--"  and then Ashton cut Luke off in the middle of his sentence by crashing his lips against Luke's. It was a quick, rough kiss that lasted no longer than one second but still shocked both of them. Luke had completely forgotten what he was saying. His stomach did a flip when their lips met and he was hit with a sudden pang of confusion. When Ashton took a step back from Luke, there was silence. Blue eyes were locked with hazel eyes in a flurry of different emotions.

"Don't say that," Ashton said shakily.

Luke's eyes searched Ashton's and he realized that Ashton was being completely serious. Luke's body was trembling and his stomach felt weak. The roar of his heart pounding in his ears drowned out his thoughts. Luke opened and closed his mouth several times before he choked out a strangled, "Okay." It was a pathetic response to what had just happened, but it was all he managed to say. Both Luke and Ashton were still trying to figure out what had just happened and why.

Ashton took a seat back at the table and continued working on their project as if nothing had happened. Luke had no other choice but to join him. 

Once their car was completely assembled, the sky outside had turned dark and both of them had agreed that Luke should probably head home before the weather turned too miserable. 

The two boys stood by the front door while Luke clumsily tried to slip his shoes on and Ashton flicked on the porch lights.

"Hey," Ashton said quietly. Ashton's voice made Luke's heart skip a beat— not for any particular reason, of course. "I don't want this to make things awkward between us," he said cautiously.

Luke stumbled and propped his arm against the wall for support as he slipped his final shoe on. He straightened up and looked at Ashton. "It doesn't matter," he said. "Things already are awkward between us." Ashton looked away and nodded nervously. He opened the door for Luke and Luke left his house, giving a quick wave before walking to his car. Ashton closed the door, and finally Luke felt like he could breathe, taking in the refreshing night air.

\---

"What's up, buddy?" Eric asked Luke as he stocked up some new music books on the shelves. Luke's shift was only halfway over, but it apparently took his boss a couple hours to figure out there was something wrong. The truth was that there really was nothing  _wrong_ , but there  _was_ something on Luke's mind— in fact, Luke had been thinking about it ever since it happened.  _  
_

"People are weird," Luke said, handing Eric another book from the stack in his arms. "Sometimes I just don't understand."

"You got that right," Eric filled in. "Hope you don't mind me asking what happened?" Eric was a friendly guy in his late-twenties. Obviously he was very musical, and sometimes he helped Luke with his homework when there were no customers in the store. Overall, he was a people-person, and Luke admired him for that.

"Just..." Luke paused, "I'm getting mixed signals." 

Eric cocked an eyebrow. "Girl problems?" 

Luke let out a faint laugh. "Yeah, I guess you could say that." The bell on the front door jingled and a young high-school student walked in, radiating a smile on her face. She immediately walked across the wooden floor to where they kept the keyboards in the far corner and Eric went over to help her out while Luke continued filling the shelves. 

To Luke's luck, Eric didn't ask any follow-up questions once the girl left the store. Instead, he decided to teach Luke a few new chords on the guitar, and Luke wasn't sure if Eric had just forgotten or didn't want to annoy him. Anyway, Luke appreciated that; he didn't think he was ready to tell anyone about what happened-- not yet, at least.

\---

Luke woke up on Monday with his heart in his throat. He had spent all of the past two days thinking about what had happened with Ashton, but his mind had reached no explanation, and it left Luke confused. He didn't like being left in the dark, especially about something so important, so while Luke was eating breakfast, he texted Ashton a quick message. 

_Hey, can we meet at lunch? I want to talk to you_

Ashton responded back within minutes.

_Ok meet me at that coffee place on the second floor of the south building_

There was an unidentified emoji at the end of the text, but since Luke didn't have a smartphone, it showed up as a square on his screen. Luke sluggishly responded a quick " _okay_ " before continuing to prepare for his day. There was something about the day that made Luke nervous— and it wasn't because of Ashton. He felt strangely energized yet worried at the same time. Luke put extra effort into his clothing choices for today and tried to look his best. He wanted to start the week off with a good mark. 

Unfortunately, it turned out that Luke and Ashton were the only partnership in their Physics class that actually finished their car over the weekend. Michael was clearly shocked by this, but didn't say anything. The awkward stares from his other classmates made Luke fidgety. A majority of the class—if not the entire class—knew that Ashton and Luke loathed each other, and the announcement that they'd actually met up over the weekend to work on it came as a surprise. No other group seemed to plan on working on their car outside of class at all. Luke thought it was embarrassing. 

\---

Telling Calum and Michael that he wasn't going to be eating lunch with them resulted in several minutes of protests from the two of them. There was Calum protesting simply because he just wanted to eat lunch with Luke, and there was Michael objecting because he was actually worried about where Luke was going. Luke didn't tell them he was going to eat with Ashton—he knew that Michael wouldn't appreciate that—and instead told them that he had to ask one of his teachers for help on an assignment. Once Calum finally accepted, Luke nervously began his journey to the place that he and Ashton had agreed on. Luke was glad they were meeting at the coffee shop as it was usually pretty empty, if not entirely empty. Most students preferred going to the Starbucks in the Main Building rather than the low-budget alternative. It was truly a miracle that the shop hadn't shut down completely from the lack of customers. Luke figured Ashton probably picked this location solely because no one else would be there. 

Luke hurried up the stairs and finally the shop came into view. He saw Ashton sitting alone at a table inside the dark coffee shop with his phone in his hand. He had a drink and a small, crinkled, white paper bag on the table in front of him. 

"Hey," Luke greeted awkwardly. He set his messenger bag down on the floor next to the empty, wooden chair and Ashton flashed him a brief smile before directing his attention back to his phone. Luke went over to the counter of the coffee shop and quickly ordered a couple of donuts and a soda—Luke hated coffee—before returning to the table with Ashton. Luke carefully took a seat and stiffly took a sip of the soda. 

"Really? Soda?" Ashton questioned, jabbing a finger in the direction of Luke's beverage. 

Luke made a face. "I don't like coffee," he protested, sliding his drink off to the side as he reached into the bag for a donut. There was only one other person in the coffee shop— a redheaded girl seated behind her laptop in the far corner. Her presence didn't bother them as neither of them actually knew the girl personally. 

"Okay, so you wanted to talk?" Ashton said. He had a half-eaten, droopy sandwich in his hand that was probably the item from the paper bag he had out earlier. 

"Yeah," Luke responded. "I just kind of want to talk about Saturday." 

"I thought so." 

There was a moment of silence between them while Luke chewed on his food and thought of something to say. His hands were feeling a bit clammy again. "So... what happened on Saturday?" Luke asked blatantly. 

"That's what I've been wondering myself."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos again :) And if you haven't left a comment, please do so, I LOVE reading what you guys have to say :)


	7. why are you everywhere I go?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Few things first, before reading.  
> I just wanted to remind you guys that this fanfic is //purely// just for fun. I am 100% aware that Luke and Ashton are straight in real life, but this is called fan//fiction// for a reason. I know the 5SOSfam is really against shipping the boys romantically, and I just wanted to clear things up before people attack me. As long as the boys don't see this, everything should go smoothly.  
> Now, on a more happy note— THANK YOU so much for all of the comments and kudos! I got really nice feedback on the last chapter, and I appreciate it so much! This is my first fanfic ever and I want to thank you guys soooo much for all the support :)  
> Also, fun fact, when I first started writing this, I was only writing it out of boredom. It was like "oh I have nothing to do so maybe I should go write something" and I kind of just spat out the first chapter, but now I actually have big plans for where I want this story to go :)

Every time Luke saw Ashton, he was reminded of the kiss, and the worst part was that Luke still didn't know anything about it. The lunch he'd had with Ashton yesterday was pretty much useless since Ashton hadn't given him any answers. On the brighter side, when they worked together in Physics, they had finally managed to stop yelling at each other. Things were still awkward between them—if not more awkward than before—but it was definitely a step up. They'd spend most of their time chatting about their favorite TV shows or video games instead of working on the project at hand. It turned out that Ashton didn't like FIFA, and Luke thought that was revolting. Sometimes, on a good day, Luke even managed to get a smile out of Ashton, and Luke  _loved_ that. Unfortunately, it wasn't long before other people (particularly Michael) started noticing the sudden dynamic change between the two.

"I don't understand," Michael commented. Luke, Michael, and Calum were all eating lunch in the library since Calum had forgotten to finish his homework from the night before. The library was quiet but spacious with a high ceiling, making it hard for other people to eavesdrop into their conversation, but the boys still spoke in a hushed tone. They sat at a round wooden table in the corner behind some bookshelves, far from the other students who were studying in the main section of the library. 

"What's up with you and Ashton?" Michael continued. Luke hesitated and tried his best not to choke on the chicken he'd just taken a bite of. 

"What do you mean?" he mumbled. 

"Just a week ago you guys were at each other's throats and now you guys are best buddies." 

Luke scoffed. " _Best buddies?_  Far from it." Luke paused. "He's an annoying piece of shit," he said quickly. Calum looked up from his paper with an amused smile. 

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Michael laughed. "Alright then. I thought you guys were finally getting along." 

Luke didn't respond, but instead plastered on a fake smile. He wanted to laugh and tell Michael no, but all he could think about was  _the kiss_. It was all he could think about, and he wanted to ask his friends for advice but he chose not to. A part of him didn't want them knowing about what had happened at all. At this point, Luke was hoping that time would continue on normally and he would eventually forget about the kiss entirely; however, yet has a day passed by without Luke making eye contact with Ashton and thinking,  _we kissed each other_. And Luke thought it was weird; he thought it was weird that he'd kissed a boy but didn't seem to mind it. Luke had had a couple of girlfriends in the past but it had never occurred to him that maybe he wasn't straight. He was straight, wasn't he?  _  
_

Michael dropped the topic and began rambling on about a pretty girl he'd seen at the supermarket yesterday. Calum finished his homework, pulled out a jar of vegemite like he always did, (there was an international food store not far from the university) and the three of them ate the rest of their lunch as if nothing had happened. Luke zoned in and out of the conversation, his mind replaying what had happened on Saturday. His brain was doing that awful thing where it overthought scenarios, and Luke could do nothing to stop it; thankfully, Calum and Michael didn't seem to notice that Luke was barely paying attention.

\---

Soon, the dreaded Finals week had arrived. Luke preferred to view Finals on a positive note, because once he finished his tests he would be straight on the next plane back home. He missed his relatives, even the embarrassing grandparents that would hold you in a hug for a few seconds longer than socially acceptable. He missed the annoying cousins that would comment on things that didn't need feedback. He missed them all, and this only pushed him to study harder for his tests. 

Waking up on Monday, Luke was nervous. He'd never taken Finals before in college and he wasn't sure what to expect. Thankfully for him, he only had to take two tests today. 

This time, the drive to school wasn't filled with silence. Luke had finally taken the opportunity to install a new stereo system in his clunky car, and the chatter of the radio DJs arguing about a Kardashian filled him with joy as he weaved in and out of the early-morning traffic. Luke enjoyed listening to other people's problems; it made him feel less shitty. 

Luke aced his first Final— or so he hoped. He left the class in a positive mood and was more than ready to tackle his math Final. The students were especially chatty today in the halls. He passed several masses of students laughing and shouting at each other. Everyone was so worried about their Finals that it filled the school with an adrenaline rush. Of course, there were also the quieter students that would be sitting off to the side of the main hall with their textbooks open and their attention 100% focused on studying as well.  

Luke recalled brushing past Ashton on the way to his next class, but neither of them reacted, and Luke almost completely forgot about the encounter once he'd taken a seat in the classroom. It didn't matter anyway; Ashton had a small group of girls clinging to him and probably didn't even notice Luke walk by. 

Once the bell went off, the professor passed out the tests and the classroom went silent. It was amazing, really. The whole classroom quieted down in seconds and soon the only sound to be heard was the rough brushing of pencils on paper and the flipping of pages.

The first hour of the test passed by rapidly and soon Luke was handing in the packet, along with a line of other students. He was confident with this test as well. Though his brain was exhausted from processing so much, he was pleased with himself. There were still a small handful of students finishing up their tests when Luke gathered his bags and left the classroom.

The halls were fairly empty and Luke figured most students were probably still working on their Finals. There were a few students walking through the halls quietly, but most of them looked drained and far from willing to make conversation. 

Checking his phone, Luke was greeted with a text from Michael asking if he and Calum wanted to come over to Michael's house for lunch, meaning Michael had already finished his last test. Luke texted back a quick response saying he would be there soon. Luke walked over to a chair in the main hall and temporarily set his things on the seat before digging through his backpack for a small notepad. The main hall had a tall ceiling with large windows that poured sunshine into the building. There were comfortable chairs and sofas spaced evenly apart with tables in between. It kind of looked like a giant hotel lobby.

Luke wanted to write down the remainder of his Finals schedule to remember specifically which tests he needed to study for tonight. He dug through his backpack and pulled out a pen, but when he pressed down on the clicker, the tip didn't extract. Luke pressed down on the clicker several more times and tried twisting the body of the pen before the pen sprang apart into four pieces, shooting across the floor. Luke's right hand was dripping with dark-blue ink and some ink was splashed on the blank notepad. Luke let out a loud groan before tossing the remains of the pen in the nearest trash bin and carefully slipping his backpack on. Using his clean hand, Luke grabbed his binder and headed for the closest restroom. 

Luke pushed open the door to the main bathroom on the first level and threw his stuff on the ground on the opposite wall of the sinks. There was someone standing at the far sink and Luke took his place two sinks away and turned the tap on, letting the water pour over his hands.

"Hey." 

Luke looked up from his sink at the stranger standing a few yards down. Luke recognized the dirty blonde curls and his stomach did a triple backflip. 

"Why are you everywhere I go?" Luke asked. He meant it seriously, but Ashton took it jokingly, and Luke saw his dimples become more prominent even though Ashton wasn't looking at him.

"I was here first," Ashton responded. "So why are _you_ everywhere  _I_ go?" Luke began scrubbing harder in hopes of leaving sooner. He didn't want to talk to Ashton— not right now, at least. 

Luke heard Ashton turn his sink off and he walked over in Luke's direction, toward the paper towel dispenser. "What happened to your hair?" Ashton laughed as he walked around Luke. Luke began panicking— what was wrong with his hair? Then he realized the problem: sometimes Luke would run his fingers through his hair when he was thinking, and that was probably exactly what he did in the middle of one of his tests.

"Shut up," Luke blurted out. He bit his lip on instinct; he did that when he was nervous. 

"Whoaaa," Ashton protested. "Chill, dude." Ashton dried his hands off and positioned himself so he was standing behind Luke. Luke felt his chest tighten up when Ashton appeared in the reflection behind him. Luke saw Ashton reach up to gently fix Luke's blonde hair. Luke tried his hardest not to tense up at the delicate touch, and so he scrubbed harder at the faint ink still blotched on the back of his hand. It was quiet; the only sound filling the room was the rush of the running tap water. 

"Ashton," Luke said quietly, still running his hands under the sink. "What are you doing?" 

Ashton didn't respond, but Luke saw his lips curve into a smile in the mirror as he continued carefully fixing Luke's hair with his fingers. Finally, Luke turned the sink off and turned around in hopes of grabbing a paper towel and drying his hands off, but Ashton didn't move. Luke and Ashton were facing each other now; Luke's hands were dripping big pockets of water onto their shoes, but Ashton didn't seem to mind. The two boys stood there for what felt like hours in silence while Ashton delicately adjusted Luke's hair. Luke waited nervously until Ashton took his hands away and smiled up at Luke; even though Luke was younger, he was a few inches taller than Ashton. 

"There we go. See ya tomorrow. Good luck on your Finals." And Ashton was gone in a matter of seconds, leaving Luke standing alone, dripping water onto his shoes and the tile floor. It took Luke a few seconds before he regained his senses and realized the water was beginning to soak through his Vans. He quickly reached over to dry his hands off. Why did Ashton do these things? It made Luke want to punch a wall— not because he was mad, but because he was confused. Ashton always made Luke confused, and Luke was beginning to wonder if Ashton saw this as some sort of game. Luke was finally beginning to forget about Ashton, and then suddenly the topic of Ashton Irwin was the only thing wandering Luke's mind.

Luke suddenly remembered that he was supposed to be at Michael's house by now, and he quickly gathered his stuff in a frenzied hurry before leaving the building. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter definitely wasn't the greatest, it was a bit of a filler in my opinion, but I hope you liked it! You're more than welcome to leave a comment, even though I don't always get the chance to reply, I LOVE hearing what you have to say :)


	8. "I was trying to fix the wire and it fell off the table"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii so I know I just updated a few days ago, but I decided to throw in another update since the last update was kind of boring and I won't be able to update during the week because I have Finals.

The next day was Mousetrap Car Race Day; or it was what the professor had planned for their Physics Final, at least. Luke and Ashton had been working on the car either independently or together at school, and since Luke wasn't very good with engineering, he left Ashton to do most of the work. Ashton seemed to be pretty excited about the project, anyway. Luke just wanted to get an A. 

Everyone had been anticipating race day, and the competition looked tough. All the students lined up with their partners in the large, bright gymnasium and some groups were hurriedly adding last-minute changes to their cars. It was their last project for the term and could either make or break your grade, and Luke was nervous. Ashton had modified the car three times so that now the car had to be wound up prior to setting it off. Luke had no idea how well the car would run, and he could only hope for the best.

Standing next to Ashton was awkward since the two of them didn't speak much. Ashton pretended to be preoccupied by the car while Luke watched the competition. The gym was filled with the chatter of the other students, but Luke and Ashton were silent. There was nothing to talk about anyway. 

Each partnership got three chances to get their car to go either as fast as possible or as far as possible. The plan was to go down the line three times, giving people a chance in between trials to fix up any mistakes on their car. The first car that was tested rolled off the line slowly but made its way halfway across the gym, shocking everyone. Ashton reassured Luke that their car would go further, and Luke nodded hopefully. 

"Can I set the car off later?" Luke asked. "When it's our turn?" 

Ashton hesitated and Luke tried not to feel offended by that. "Uhh... sure. Here, let me show you how it works." Ashton and Luke crouched down by the car and Ashton showed Luke how to get the car going. Once it rolled forward a few feet Ashton reached forward and grabbed it before it could go further. Ashton handed Luke the car and Luke copied what Ashton did. Once Luke was confident with how the car was going, he stood up and watched the other cars going off.

"I think I got it," Luke told Ashton. 

"You sure?" 

Luke nodded.

Michael's car went off next and stopped at around the same point as the first car did, surprising Luke. Michael had been complaining for weeks about how his partner refused to help him with the car, but it looked like Michael had things under control. Luke's friend unfortunately stood at the opposite end of the gym from him and Ashton. Luke wanted to go chat with Michael, but he didn't want Ashton to make a stupid remark, so he waited.

There were a variety of impressive cars, but there were also cars that barely inched off the starting line. Luke didn't want their car to be one of those.

Luke and Ashton stood at the end of the line, and quietly waited for their turn to go. Once the partnership next to them was done with their car, Luke nervously set his and Ashton's car on the wooden gym floor and crouched to the side of it. A small group of students came over to watch while all other partnerships were desperately trying to fix their own cars. Luke waited for the professor to give him a thumbs-up before he carefully set it off. The mousetrap made a loud snapping sound and the car began quickly rolling backwards before it hit the gym wall behind them with a soft thud. Other students started snickering and Ashton groaned. The professor sighed, scratching things down on the clipboard, and walked back to the start of the line, leaving Luke and Ashton to fix their car on their own.

"Luke, I  _just_ showed you how to do it," Ashton snapped as soon as the professor was out of hearing range. Luke picked up the car and examined it in confusion.

"At least we have three chances," Luke said. 

Ashton shook his head. "You don't understand, do you?" Luke pursed his lips together. "He's averaging our scores and we just got a zero on our first shot. There's no way we can win now." 

"Why does it matter?" Luke hissed. "Not everything's about winning. As long as we get an A. I'll make sure I do it right next time." 

Ashton laughed. "No, Luke, I'll do it next time." 

Luke let out a breath and glared at Ashton. "Why? Am I not good enough?" 

"To be quite honest," Ashton confirmed, looking away from Luke. Ashton's words felt like a hundred knives stabbing Luke in his chest and he suddenly felt as if every bone in his body was about to snap from pressure. 

"Why are you such an ass?" Luke spat. Ashton's eyes widened, but Luke ignored that. "Sorry I'm not perfect enough for you. I was just trying to help and I thought you were finally starting to be nice to me." Luke took a deep breath. "You always do this, you know? I do one thing wrong and you tell me I'm stupid!"

"Luke, you screwed up," Ashton said sternly. "We could've done really well if you'd just  _listened to me_."

"I did exactly what you did," Luke protested. "Stop being like that."

Ashton carefully grabbed Luke's arm. "You know what? Let's go fix the car; I have some supplies in my backpack." 

"There's nothing wrong with it!" Luke said. "Remember? I'mthe one that screwed up."

Ashton ignored Luke and began walking. "Come on, Luke." There were other students beginning to stare at them and Luke felt his cheeks turn red. He didn't like to see people stare at him, and he wanted to blame Ashton, as immature as that would be. 

Luke gave in and followed Ashton past the line of students, where Ashton quickly asked the professor if that was okay. The professor nodded while recording something on his paper and Ashton pushed open the gym doors with Luke following closely behind. 

"There's nothing wrong with our car," Luke reiterated. Ashton ignored him and kept walking with Luke trailing behind.

They walked down the hall to their Physics classroom, but Ashton continued going past the door.

"Ashton, where are you going?" Luke called.

"Restroom."

"Oh." Luke paused. "I'll wait here with the car."

Ashton turned around to face Luke while still walking. "You're not staying alone with the car," he ordered. 

"Why? You don't trust me?"

Ashton raised his eyebrows in response before turning back around. Luke groaned and followed him down the hall, walking slowly. He tried his best to keep as large of a gap between him and Ashton as possible.

When Luke pushed open the door to the restroom, Ashton was standing in front of one of the mirrors with his hands braced on the edges of a sink. The restroom was large and lined with a long row of stalls on each side.  They were the only ones in the dimly-lit bathroom— everyone else was probably in class like they should've been. 

It appeared Ashton wasn't doing anything, and Luke was about to ask him why they were here when Ashton swiftly turned around and gripped Luke by the collar of his unbuttoned flannel. He forced Luke against the wall with a loud thud and the car dropped out of Luke's hands. It fell to the tile floor with a loud clattering sound— probably the sound of the wheels shattering. Though Ashton was a little shorter, he was far more muscular.

Luke was scared at first by Ashton's sudden movements, but then Ashton leaned over and whispered shakily into Luke's ear, "You're hot when you're angry."

Luke's throat let out a small whining sound before Ashton crashed their lips together. The strange part was that Luke should've pushed Ashton away; he should've told Ashton to stop, but he didn't. In fact, a few seconds later, Luke began roughly kissing back. He sunk deeply into the kiss, closing his eyes. This time it wasn't just a simple peck; it was hungry and full of lust. Luke's heart was pounding harshly in his chest and he felt shaky, but he was enjoying the moment.

Ashton smiled into the kiss as soon as Luke began kissing back, and with his hands still grabbing Luke's shirt-collar, he slowly pushed Luke down the row of stalls and into the large, dark stall on the left at the end of the row. Once they were in the stall, Ashton quickly turned around to shakily lock the stall before slamming their lips together again. Luke's back was against the cold wall and his fingers were knotted into Ashton's dark curls. Ashton's hands trailed down so they were resting on Luke's waist. There was a lot of awkward nose-bumping but neither of them cared and the two of them laughed in between kisses.

Ashton's body was pressed up against Luke's desperately and Luke tried to pull him even closer. Even though Luke was a few inches taller, he let the older boy take control of the kiss. Luke thought it was weird that only minutes ago they'd been yelling at each other and now they were making out in the bathroom stall instead of attending class; Luke thought it was weird how things could change so easily in only a matter of minutes.

Suddenly Ashton broke the kiss and began trailing his lips down to the side of Luke's neck, just below his left ear. Luke moaned quietly as Ashton began sucking at the skin, hoping to leave a mark. After a while, their lips locked again, but this time the kiss was slower until both of them were finished. Ashton rested his forehead on Luke's and the two of them stared into each other's eyes, smiling and giggling quietly as they tried to regain their breath. Luke's face was flushed an embarrassing shade of red and Luke was glad that half the lights in the bathroom were burned out so that Ashton wouldn't be able to tell.

"What'd you think?" Ashton said quietly with their foreheads still pressed together. Luke's hands were laced behind Ashton's neck and Ashton's hands were still resting on Luke's waist.

"I hate you," Luke whispered quietly, receiving a laugh from Ashton in response. 

Once the two of them had regained their breath, they decided to head back to class after fixing themselves in the mirror. Sure enough, there was already a mark beginning to form on Luke's neck, but Luke was hoping nobody would notice it. Ashton grabbed the broken pieces of the car and the two of them walked back to the gym side-by-side with their arms brushing occasionally. 

The professor was shocked when Ashton showed him the broken pieces of the car. 

"I was trying to fix the wire and it fell off the table" was Ashton's excuse. Luke was surprised that Ashton didn't decide to weigh the blame on Luke for once, but he didn't say anything. 

Both of them were forced to spend the rest of their day acting as if nothing had happened, which Luke found to be challenging, but he managed. He instead spent the rest of his day in an incredibly giddy mood, even though both of them had probably earned a failing grade on their Physics Final. But Luke didn't care. He thought that secretly making out with the person you hate was much more fun than worrying about a tiny car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked it! I've been really excited to write this chapter. Again, thanks for all the kudos and comments :)


	9. what's that on your neck?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me quite a while to update this chapter! I had Finals (that I aced yaayy) and I told myself I was going to update last Sunday but then the Super Bowl was on (and Seattle dominated) and Sherlock came on at night so I didn't really get a chance, but here we go :)

It was the day after that Luke woke up to see a large, taunting red mark on his neck when he looked in the bathroom mirror. He let out an annoyed sigh and spent the rest of his morning diving around his apartment thinking of various ways to cover it up. He didn't want to wear a turtleneck simply because he thought turtlenecks were downright ridiculous, and his only other option was to strategically wear a scarf so it covered it up. To his misfortune, he didn't have one. Luke settled on wearing a hoodie and he hoped that if he fluffed up the hood frequently that it would at least kind of cover it up, but mostly he would just have to hope that nobody would notice it, as risky as that would be.

And of course someone noticed it. Of course that someone happened to be Michael. 

"What's that on your neck?" were the five words that almost sent Luke plunging out of his seat at lunch. Michael was eyeing the mark with confusion while Calum sat next to Luke obliviously chewing a sandwich. Calum was always oblivious, and Luke liked that.

"What?" was all Luke managed to say before he quickly brought a hand up to his neck and covered the bruise. 

Michael snorted and grinned. "You know exactly what I'm talking about." 

"Look, I know what this looks like," Luke protested, "but it's not that." Michael raised an eyebrow skeptically. "I swear." 

"Who gave it to you?"

"What? No one. I woke up and it was there." It was a shitty excuse, but it was all Luke could think of in a short amount of time. Luke should've thought of lame excuses that morning. He mentally slapped himself. Anyway, he definitely couldn't tell Michael—of all people—the truth. Michael certainly wasn't fond over Ashton and ever since he witnessed the two of them yelling at each other, he'd become slightly more protective over the blonde boy.  

"You don't just wake up with a hickey on your neck!" Michael said. Calum quickly looked over and raised his eyebrows in confusion. 

"It's not a hickey," Luke insisted, slowly taking his hand off his neck, earning a shocked—but amused—expression from Calum. Calum opened his mouth to say something and was cut off by a strict "No" from Luke.

Thankfully Michael decided to dwell on his upcoming math Final after that, and Calum returned to blankly staring at something else while Michael and Luke very seriously discussed polynomials. 

\---

Once the stress of Finals was over, Luke was more than relieved to be on the first flight back to Australia.  He'd already exchanged gifts with Calum and Michael the day before leaving; he'd gotten Michael a bundle of video games Luke thought he would enjoy and he'd gotten Calum a new football. Michael had gotten Luke a new phone case that read "The ladies love my selfies" and Calum had gotten him a heart-shaped box of chocolates, which—yes—it definitely seemed like something Calum would do. 

He needed the break from juggling school and work. The relatives were just as mundane as they were last Christmas except for the few younger cousins that had grown a year older and were finally beginning to become aware of the world. Overall, he had a pretty average holiday season if you didn't count the time when the Christmas turkey had somehow ended up on the roof. One of Luke's brothers had somehow gotten it up there.

Though Luke was bombarded with a constant stream of texts from Calum and Michael, he didn't receive any word from Ashton. Luke told himself he was fine with that, but he was lying to himself. Luke wasn't the kind of person to get together with someone and then ignore them, which is why he tried to distance himself from Ashton; he didn't want things to go further. He told himself that one kiss was fine, but then they were making out in the bathroom stall and Luke knew he was in deep. They definitely weren't friends, so it shouldn't have been surprising that he had heard nothing from Ashton. Ashton was confusing. Or maybe Luke just didn't understand Ashton.

Anyway, the two weeks whizzed by in a blur to Luke—probably because he spent most of his time off sleeping—and soon he was hugging relatives goodbye at the airport. The grandparents were the worst, spending far more time than necessary pinching Luke's cheeks and cooing about how he'd become "such a big boy." Though Luke would usually find this embarrassing, he kind of liked it this time around.  

But somewhere between the mess of crying and hugging, Luke ended up seated on a plane next to two obnoxiously loud boys, neither of which must've been older than seven. He could've sworn he saw one of them wipe his snot on the seat in front of him, and the other boy constantly fiddled with his seat's adjustment controls, but Luke did a fairly good job of tuning them out while listening to music.

Luke missed Calum and Michael, who both had stayed back in Seattle for the holidays, but Luke didn't want to leave home so soon. 

\---

Luke's class schedule had changed drastically and, to his luck, he even had a free one-hour block every Wednesday and Friday right after lunch. He finally had a class with both Calum and Michael and it seemed the semester was off to a good start. Luke didn't have any classes with Ashton as far as he knew; not that Luke cared of course.

Their lunches for the first few days typically involved Michael and Calum telling their holiday stories; Calum managed to light his curtains up with fireworks on accident and Michael finally made it to level 50 on some video game he'd been moaning about for ages.

And this was how Luke liked it— being surrounded only by his two best friends without a care in the world. There was no drama, no girlfriends (or boyfriends), and Luke secretly wished it would stay this way forever. He knew it wouldn't, but he liked to dream. 

The strange part was that Luke hadn't even seen Ashton in any other parts of the school. He knew it was a large campus but he'd seen Ashton's friends going around without him, and he thought that was strange. 

Soon the first week was over and people were beginning to settle back into the swing of schoolwork. Still no sign of Ashton anywhere. Some nights Luke would scroll through his contacts list and his thumb would hover over Ashton's name, contemplating whether he should text him or not. Luke didn't know why he wanted to text Ashton, he hadn't seen Ashton in weeks and Ashton probably forgot who Luke even was, but Luke didn't forget Ashton and he certainly didn't forget the things that happened between them. That was the problem, actually. Now that Ashton was out of Luke's life, he should've felt relieved, but something bit at him at the bottom of his stomach. Worry? Confusion? He didn't know. 

So the second Saturday of January, Luke finally took a leap of courage and sent Ashton a message. It was a quick decision Luke made on the spot that he typed up and sent off without a second thought.

_What's up? haven't seen you at school_

It was a chilly night that Luke was spending with a fleece blanket draped over his head as he sat cross-legged on his bed. He had YouTube open on his laptop and was lazily watching whatever came up in his suggestions. This seemed to range from music videos to cat videos and even old videos of people choking on cinnamon. 2012 was a much simpler time.

It was dark in his bedroom except for the white string of Christmas lights pinned on the opposite wall up high by the ceiling. Luke told himself he would take them down last week, but, to be honest, he liked the relaxing vibe they gave off. Well, it was either that or he was just too lazy to take them down. So he kept them up, and even though Michael and Calum teased him about it for a solid half hour last time they were over— _"they look so hipster-like"—_ he refused to take them down.

Every second that ticked by without an answer from Ashton, Luke grew increasingly more and more nervous and he was beginning to regret saying anything at all. Luke had never texted Ashton just to have a chat, nor had he ever had a verbal conversation with Ashton that didn't result in them yelling at each other in some way.

He was halfway through an All Time Low music video when his phone lit up next to him with a message from Ashton. Luke could've sworn his heart stopped for a few seconds. He paused the video and opened the message. 

_Sorry, I've been really sick ever since the break started :P_

And Luke suddenly had never felt more shitty in his life. All those days he'd spent silently waiting for a text from Ashton were selfish. Ashton probably didn't talk to him simply because he was sick, and Luke felt like it was his fault for indirectly blaming Ashton. And if Ashton had been sick for this long, it was probably something more serious than the common cold, which worried Luke. Why? Why was he worried? 

_That sucks :-( I hope you feel better_

Luke thought his final message was too dull, but his relationship with Ashton was also supposed to be dull. He didn't want to look like he cared a lot—when, really, he did—but he also didn't want to look like one of those people that showed sympathy just because they didn't know how else to respond. 

Setting his phone on the bed next to his laptop, Luke went back to watching YouTube videos when his phone lit back up only 30 seconds later. Luke was hoping to end the conversation with Ashton because he didn't want to bother him (he's sure Ashton had better things to do anyway, like throwing up in the sink or something), but then he read Ashton's response and had to reply.

_Thanks! What's your class schedule?_

The two of them texted back-and-forth for quite a while discussing their classes—it turned out Luke now shared two classes with Ashton—and their holidays, though Ashton's break seemingly involved him snoozing a lot. That was fine though, because even though Luke wasn't sick, he did basically the same thing, minus the throwing up. Ashton laughed at this. Luke told Ashton the story of how the Christmas turkey landed on the roof and Ashton made a witty remark that literally had Luke laughing out loud.

Ashton talked about how he'd rewatched Season 7 episodes of How I Met Your Mother so much that he'd probably memorized the whole script. They talked about the abundance of socks both of them had received for Christmas and Ashton pretended to be insulted when Luke said he was tired of socks. So, apparently, Ashton liked socks. Luke took a mental note of that. 

Luke thought it was nice— the conversation with Ashton. It was the first time they'd communicated smoothly and Luke wondered if he was allowed to consider Ashton a friend now. Luke didn't even realize they'd been texting for so long until Ashton said he was going to get some sleep and Luke finally checked the time. It was almost 30 minutes past midnight and they'd been texting for a little more than an hour and a half. Luke apologized for seeming clingy, which Ashton brushed off easily with a nice smiley face at the end before Luke left to brush his teeth.

The apartment that was once bitterly cold had warmed up, which meant the dodgy furnace had probably started working. Either that, or Luke was blushing really hard. He figured it was probably a mixture of both. 

Luke smiled for the rest of the night, though he tried his best to stop it. He felt like he had the power to do anything, and he didn't even know why. He didn't like Ashton in  _that_ way, so why was he so happy? Their relationship consisted of a lot of yelling, two kisses (okay, one kiss and one extremely steamy make-out session) and one successful text-conversation, and had Luke developed a crush on a boy?

He thought about this while brushing his teeth, and he told himself that he didn't like Ashton like that. He definitely didn't have a crush on Ashton. They were just friends, if that. The two kisses didn't mean anything; it was just infatuation. But for some reason, Luke's mind had a hard time settling with those ideas.

When Luke returned to his room, he shut down his laptop, closed it, and put it on the small wooden desk to the left of his bed. He changed into sweats and a t-shirt before picking up his phone again, seeing he had two texts from Ashton.

 _hey could you come over tmrw to help me catch up on homework since we have some of the same classes :)_  

_sorry, I dont mean to bother you :P_

Luke must've been dreaming. He was certain that he slept extremely well that night. 


	10. finding nemo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIRST READ THIS: I'm lower-casing the title of the fic because idk having it written like it is now is bothering me for some reason??  
> I'm soooo sorry it took me forever to update this. I got really sick a few days ago and I was super incapable of doing anything, I could barely even stand up, and it's pretty ironic that I write about Ashton being sick and a week later I'm sick too haha  
> Anyway, again, thank you so much for your comments, I love reading them soooo much, they make me so happy :)  
> ALSO, I'm uploading this on Wattpad too, so if you prefer to read it there, you can: http://www.wattpad.com/story/12316821-for-the-art-of-war

Maybe Luke spent a little extra time that morning making sure to look his best. Just maybe. He would never admit it, of course. 

Luke agreed to meet at Ashton's place at noon, so he woke up at ten o'clock. This gave him two hours to prepare, which was far more time than necessary. He spent his morning scampering around his apartment as if it was the first day of classes all over again. Luke switched his TV on, filling the apartment with the faint chatter of some soap opera. He still hadn't gotten that stereo he needed, so until then he would have to suffice with whatever was on TV. 

Luke brushed his teeth. Twice. He even spent a good chunk of time deciding on what to wear, and it was stupid. It was  _so_ , _so_ stupid, because it wasn't a date; it was far from it. Ashton was sick and all he wanted was some help with homework.

And if you asked Luke why he was doing this, he wouldn't be able to say. There was something about Ashton that he didn't like. There was something about Ashton that bothered him so much that it drove him insane, but no matter how much he didn't like Ashton, he liked him too, and Luke knew that didn't make sense, which is why he wouldn't be able to explain it.

Luke arrived at Ashton's house two minutes after twelve, which was perfect. He knew how this game worked— you never arrive to something early, but you don't arrive late either. You don't arrive at the exact time, because then you look prissy, so you arrive just a few minutes after the set time. You're not too late, you're not too early, and everyone's happy. It was a weird trick Luke had stored in the back of his mind after a girl back home dumped him for arriving too early to a date.

With his textbooks in his hands and his messenger bag slung over his shoulder, Luke pressed the all-too-familiar doorbell and waited for Ashton to answer. This was the third time Luke had been to Ashton's house, and considering the fact that they yelled at each other a lot, Luke thought that was slightly contradictory. 

Luke knew exactly how this routine went. He would press the doorbell, wait a few seconds—twenty at the maximum—and then there would be a series of clicking sounds as Ashton unlocked the door. And, to no one's surprise, Ashton was right on schedule. The only difference this time was that Ashton smiled—yes, actually  _smiled—_ when he greeted Luke. 

"Hey Luke, come on in." 

Ashton took a step back, allowing Luke to step in, then closed the door behind him.

"Glad you could make it. Everything's kind of a mess right now but I was watching a movie in the living room and I was just about to get my notebooks, so I'll meet you there, if that's alright." 

Luke froze. He didn't realize that he was supposed to be answering until Ashton narrowed his eyes in confusion at Luke's blank state. 

"Yeah, that sounds good," Luke blurted out quickly. "I've got my textbooks," he said, in reference to the two hardbacks in his hands.

"I can see that," Ashton said jokingly. "I'll go get my stuff." He left down the hall as Luke slipped off his sneakers. Luke was so definitely, undeniably screwed. 

Luke made his way down the hall and took no more than one step in the dimly-lit living room before he was hit with a jolt of flashbacks. All he could remember was their first kiss, so he stood there for a few seconds, thinking about that. When Ashton filed into the room behind him, he playfully smacked Luke on the back, almost sending Luke to the floor in shock.

"You okay?" Ashton checked.

"I like what you've done with the room," Luke commented suddenly.

"That's weird; I haven't changed it at all."

"Oh." So maybe that wasn't the smartest thing to say. 

Ashton threw some notebooks and pencils on the short table in front of the couch before taking a seat. Luke nervously took a seat next to him and set his bag on the floor. The TV was frozen on an orange and white figure that appeared to be a clownfish. 

"Were you watching Finding Nemo?" Luke asked.

Ashton hesitated before answering. "It's a good movie."

"No kidding, I love that movie! That was the movie of my childhood."

Luke saw Ashton's eyes light up after Luke's comment and he felt like he'd just gotten kicked in the stomach because,  _wow_ , Ashton had gorgeous eyes. 

"Aw, really, bro? It's a good one, isn't it?"

"It is, how far are you through it?"

"Almost to the end, I think. Do you want to watch it?"

So they ended up watching Finding Nemo together instead of doing their homework, but both of them were fine with it. It turned out Ashton actually wasn't close to the end at all, but Finding Nemo was far more interesting than math and Luke was just glad that they were actually getting along for once.

It was a cute movie, and Luke almost forgot just how much he loved it. He didn't become aware of how close he and Ashton were sitting until the end credits began to roll, so Luke slowly scooted away, hoping Ashton wouldn't notice.

"That was cute," Ashton said with a smile. When Ashton smiles, his dimples become prominent, and Luke thought that was probably cuter than the movie.

"It was," Luke agreed. "I guess we should work on homework now," he suggested.

"Oh, I forgot about that." Ashton reached for the remote on the table and turned off the movie, filling the room with silence. "Are you okay with staying longer?" Ashton flashed a hopeful smile. 

"Yeah, it's fine," Luke replied. "It's Sunday and I don't really have anything to do." Of course Luke said yes. Luke told himself that Ashton being a little cute definitely didn't influence his answer, even though it probably did a little bit. 

Luke leaned down and rummaged through his messenger bag to pull out a faded-blue notebook. He flipped it open to the first page that was scribbled with math equations and tossed it on the short glass table in front of them.

"Let's start with notes," Luke said. 

Ashton sorted through the array of empty notebooks he had laying across the table.

"What color should I use?" he asked.

Luke scanned through their options. It was unimportant, but at the same time it was the most important thing in the world.

"Use the red one," Luke decided. 

"Actually, I think I'll use the blue one too so we can be matching," Ashton said with a giggle. "Just kidding. I'll use red." 

Luke wasn't sure what to make of that comment, so he pretended that didn't happen. Ashton slipped off the couch and sat on the carpet in front of the table. He flipped open the red notebook and began copying down the notes quietly. Luke decided to sit on the floor too, not because he wanted to sit by Ashton—of course not—but just in case Ashton had any questions. Ashton stuck his tongue out when he wrote and Luke thought that was cute too, so he quickly looked away. What was wrong with him? 

"Are you still sick?" Luke asked when Ashton flipped both of their notebooks to the second page. 

"I don't think so," Ashton answered with his pencil still gliding over the paper. "I started feeling better a few days ago, but everything before that was hell. I'm going to classes again tomorrow."

" _Shit_."

Ashton stopped writing and looked at Luke in confusion with his brow furrowed. "I knew you hated me but I didn't know you hated me  _that_ much—"

"No, sorry, it's not that." Luke cursed repeatedly and he quickly searched through his bag for his phone. When he found it, sure enough, there were several unread texts.

"It's not you, sorry," Luke apologized again as he hastily stuffed his phone back into his bag. "I forgot I had to go to— wait." Luke paused and turned to Ashton. "You think I hate you?" 

Ashton shrugged. "I wouldn't be surprised if you did," he said calmly. 

"Okay, well, I don't hate you," Luke threw in quickly. "But I forgot I had to work on Sundays." Luke took another green notebook out of his bag and set it on the table with the other ones. "I get off at five, so I'll leave my notes with you so you can copy them. Is it okay if I come back after work to pick my stuff up? I can help you if you have questions too." 

"Aw, that's sweet," Ashton said, and Luke's stomach did a backflip. "And yeah, that's fine. I'll be here all night so come whenever you want." 

"I'm so sorry," Luke said again as he stood up and slung his back over his shoulder. "I'll see you later."

"Good luck," Ashton called as Luke left the room in a blur.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter was kind of short and boring, and I was going to make it longer but I decided to just put everything in the next update! I just really wanted to update so you guys knew I wasn't dead lol


	11. you're a bad tutor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii so this chapter goes along with the other chapter so I tried to post it quickly okay yay I hope you like it  
> Also I know I don't get the chance to respond to all your comments and I'm so sorry but please keep commenting I love reading them :)

Luke was in a blurred panic when he came running into the store on Sunday. The single customer in the shop could do nothing more than shoot him a bewildered look. There was calm jazz music playing when Luke ran through one of the glass doors, and it was almost comical, really.

Eric sat at the cashier alone, and it looked like he was filling some orders judging by the stack of cardboard boxes that had begun piling up on the floor next to him.

“Eric, I’m so sorry, I forgot," Luke panted.

“Luke!” Eric lit up instantly when he heard Luke— probably because he'd just spent the past two hours sulking behind a cash register alone. Luke had been in his shoes several times. He figured it must’ve been much worse for Eric considering that he was one of those people that preferred having someone to talk to while working.

“I don’t know, it completely flew past me,” Luke said. “I hope you’re not mad.”

“I’m not mad, buddy,” Eric said, still flashing a wide smile. “I’m just glad I actually have a friend now. Business has been slow all morning.”

There were few people in the world that always displayed a positive attitude regardless of the circumstances. Eric was one of those people, and that’s why Luke liked working for him.  He viewed Eric more as a friend than an employer.

Luke set his bag down in the back room before returning to the store. He pulled over a stool from behind one of the microphones off to the side and took a seat at the counter next to Eric.

“I’m glad you’re not mad," Luke said honestly. "I can’t believe I forgot.”

“No, but you do have a strike now.”

Luke felt a lump form in his throat. “A strike?”

“You must’ve forgotten,” Eric supplied. “I have a policy with all my student workers where every time they show up late without calling, they get a strike. It's not your fault, it happens to everyone."

"What happens when I get enough strikes?"

"When you get five, I ask you to leave," Eric said nervously. Luke could see that Eric didn't like firing people, nor did he like using that word, apparently. "Usually people quit on their own before they even come close. They don't like the salary."

Luke didn't like the salary either, but he liked the job, he liked Eric, and it was enough to keep him going. Now all he worried about was reaching that magic number of five. He couldn't afford to lose the job; it was all he had, and going job-hunting again would probably drive him to a new level of insanity.

"Has anyone ever reached five?" Luke asked. Eric shook his head. Luke figured there must've been a first for everything, and he was suddenly worried that he would be the first. "Eric, if I reached the five strikes, would you fire me?"

Eric hesitated. "I'd have to."

"But would you?"

Eric nervously punched Luke in the arm lightly. "You won't reach five." In other words, Eric probably wouldn't have the heart to fire him— if Eric even had the heart to fire people.

"Were you filling orders?" Luke asked in reference to the stack of boxes next to him. 

"Yeah, I was," Eric answered. "We're getting a lot more orders now. People must be too lazy to come in or something. The new generation is amazing." 

The lone customer in the store walked over to the register and handed a packaged capo to Luke. He did the same routine he'd done countless times— asked the customer if they found everything okay, asked the customer something about their product just to make light conversation, asked if they wanted the receipt with them or in the bag, etc.

As soon as the customer left the shop, Eric cleared this throat.

"Okay, so, we're shutting down the store for two weeks after today."

"Why?" Luke blurted out. "Is everything alright? You're not shutting down the store completely, are you? What happened?"

"Don't get your panties in a knot," Eric said. "My mother passed away two days ago, but I just found out yesterday, and you know how it is with the retirement homes these days. I have to pick up all her furniture and read through her will and plan the funeral, and blah, blah, blah." Eric took a deep breath. "I thought it would be best if we just took a break, which means you won't get paid. Are you okay with that?" 

Luke was sure that if he rationed his spending well enough, he would probably be able to make it even four weeks. "Yeah, it's fine. Eric, I'm sorry. I'm sure she was a lovely lady."

"Don't apologize," Eric said, "it's not your fault. I just need a couple weeks to sort everything out and everything should be fine, but instead of taking Saturdays off, what would you think if we took Sundays off? It seems that you've already got a bit of a head start."

"That's great," Luke replied honestly. "It would work better for me, actually." 

Eric smiled. "Good. I'm glad you understand. You seem like a smart dude anyway."  

\---

Luke pulled up at Ashton's house half an hour past five and it was already dark outside. Luke felt weird driving to Ashton's house after work rather than his own apartment, but he was also beginning to grow accustomed to being at Ashton's house so often.

"Hey Luke! Are you hungry? I ordered some pizza earlier. It's sitting in the living room if you want some."

"Someone's hyper," Luke teased as he and Ashton walked back to the living room. 

"Because there's pizza," Ashton said as if it was obvious. "I hope you like pepperoni." 

Luke could smell it as soon as he took a step in the room and his body naturally gravitated toward the thin cardboard box. His hand subconsciously plopped a slice onto a plate and the next thing he knew he was sitting on the couch with Ashton, both of them taking bites of pizza while watching the local news. 

"This is good, it's Pizza Hut isn't it?" Luke asked. 

"Of course it's Pizza Hut," Ashton answered. "I also didn't know which flavor you liked, so I got the basic flavor."

"I like cheese," Luke said. "But pepperoni's fine too. I just don't like the pepperoni." He plucked a pepperoni off his pizza and flung it at Ashton, who flinched and let out a squawk.

"You're so picky," Ashton said, shooting the thin circle of pepperoni back at him. Luke caught it with his plate.

Luke leaned forward and set his plate on the table. He wiped his fingers on his jeans and settled back into the sofa. "Okay, did you finish the notes?" 

"Yeah, and I started the assignment, but I need help with a few problems." Ashton set his plate next to Luke's and leaned down from the couch to retrieve the open math book resting on the floor. He sat back up with his legs crossed and pointed out the problems to Luke.

"You forgot to find the square-root," Luke said, scanning Ashton's paper. "And negative five times three is negative 15, not negative 13. Are you sure you made it past basic math?"

Ashton stared down at his work with his jaw dropped. "I don't know how that happened," he said in awe.

"Of course you don't," Luke teased, rolling his eyes jokingly. 

"I swear!" Ashton protested. "Don't be mean. You're a bad tutor." 

"You're a bad student," Luke insisted. 

"Wow, you know this pencil's sharp."

"Is that a threat?" Luke asked. 

"I don't know. Is it?" 

"Do your work." 

And it went on like that for the next 45 minutes, just the two of them arguing about math homework, occasionally stopping to point at something on the muted TV. It turned out that Ashton made quite an embarrassing number of simple mistakes and Luke teased him for that; but at one point Luke forgot what six times seven was and Ashton promised to use that against him for the rest of his life. 

Ashton was finishing up his last problem when Luke noticed he was sticking his tongue out again, and Luke tried to look away, he really did. Luke tried to ignore it for the whole 45-minute block, but it was putting so much pressure on him, just this one little quirk, and he could actually feel his insides beginning to stir up. Ashton was cute and Luke thought it was time he at least admitted it to himself. Despite whatever sexuality Luke was— and he wasn't quite sure himself— Ashton was cute.

And the next words that escaped Luke's mouth were definitely unplanned.

"Can I kiss you?" Luke didn't realize that he'd said the words out loud, but once they were out, there was no going back. 

Ashton stopped writing and made eye contact with Luke. "What?"

Luke swallowed nervously. "Can I kiss you?" he said again. 

"Wow, that's a weird question. Of course you can—" 

Luke leaned across the couch and crashed their lips together, silencing Ashton in the middle of his sentence. The math book fell off Ashton's lap and probably landed on the floor in a way that wasn't good for its spine, but neither of the boys cared. 

Their lips brushed gently at first, but then the kisses became more urgent and deep, so Luke crawled over to the other side of the couch and positioned himself on top of Ashton. It was probably the most daring thing Luke had ever done, aside from the time his friends back home forced him to jump off the roof. 

Ashton's hands were on Luke's back and they pulled the younger boy closer to him. Forget math. 

Their lips gently slid across each other's and Ashton could taste the cold metal of Luke's lip ring. The kisses continued to grow with intensity as time went on. Their lips glided together perfectly. Luke liked the taste of Ashton's lips, and he figured it was probably something he should've been used to by now. 

Luke knew the way Ashton kissed, it was rough and desperate, and Luke loved it. He loved every bit of it. Ashton held Luke close to him and soon it was just a blur of sweat and limbs rolling around on a couch. Their eyes were fluttered shut, both of them pressing deep into the kiss. Their tongues traced across each other's and Luke found out that he actually really liked being on top, even though Ashton still took over most of the kiss. Luke liked having Ashton's hands holding him close; he never wanted to leave Ashton's embrace.

The kisses continued to get rougher and it was moving so fast that the room felt like it was on fire. Luke decided to experiment a little and so he gently grinded his hips down against Ashton's. A moan escaped Ashton's lips and Luke smiled into the kisses. 

"Do you like that?" Luke asked between kisses. 

"Fuck," Ashton breathed out. "Yes." 

So Luke kept doing that. With their lips locked together, he gently rocked his hips against Ashton's and Ashton loved it so much that he began digging his fingers down lightly into Luke's back. This was the closest Luke had been to someone in years and he thought it was worth every second.

Somewhere down the line, the two boys ended up falling asleep in each other's arms. The couch was tiny and barely had enough room for both of them with Ashton's legs dangling over the side, but the comfort of being in each other's arms made up for that. Luke drifted asleep with his face nestled in the crook of Ashton's neck and Ashton had pulled a blanket over the two of them. The lights in the room were still on but Luke and Ashton had both completely passed out. Here in Ashton's arms, Luke was the most comfortable he'd been in a long time. 


	12. whatever you want it to be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This hit 100 kudos thank you guys so much! I'm actually blown away by all the support I've been getting for this, it means so much to me :)

"Do you wanna hear another joke?" Calum asked, with a tad more enthusiasm in his voice than there should've been on a Monday morning. 

"No, not really," Luke said, but that did nothing to stop Calum and Michael from telling the rest of the joke. The three of them were seated in the back left corner of their math class on an unsurprisingly slow day. The professor scrolled through something on his computer while the class waited for instructions. 

"What did the taco say when it was sad?" Calum had a cheesy grin on his face and he was already cracking up despite the fact that he hadn't even gotten to the punch line. Michael leaned over, giggling, and quietly asked Calum if he could finish the joke, receiving a shaky nod from him.

"'I don't wanna taco'bout it'," Michael finished. The two of them burst into a fit of laughter, clutching the edges of their desks and high-fiving each other as they earned annoyed stares from other students. Luke felt the other eyes in the room looking over at them and he buried his face in his hands.

"That wasn't funny," Luke muttered quietly. 

"Yes it was," Michael protested, still trying to regain himself. "It was great, and you could've been a part of it." Michael had dyed his hair yet again over the weekend, this time heading for a more blackish-purple look. Luke thought it definitely made him look more punk, if that was what he was going for. 

"We have more jokes," Calum grinned.

"Why do you guys have so many jokes?" 

"I dug up this joke book from behind my dresser and I called Calum," Michael explained. "We tried to connect you to the call but you weren't answering. Which sucks, because it was amazing." 

"What do you mean?" Luke asked.

"Seven o'clock last night?" Calum offered. "We called you three times and then we gave up."

Luke's heart rate sped suddenly because he knew exactly why he didn't answer. The memories of last night came flooding into his mind— the brushing of his lips with Ashton's, the feeling of having Ashton close to him. Luke tried his hardest to keep the bored expression he'd had on his face earlier, but knew he was failing, judging by the amused expression that had quickly taken over Calum.

Luke thought it was pretty ironic that he was still wearing the same clothes he'd worn last night when he and Ashton were pressed up together. That meant his clothes probably had Ashton's sweat on it, and, if anything, that only made Luke more jittery. 

Luke and Ashton had woken up this morning on top of each other, still lying on the couch. Ashton had quickly whipped up some breakfast (he'd actually just pulled a box of cereal out of one of the cupboards) and Luke hadn't had enough time to make it back to his apartment for a fresh pair of clothes.

"Why didn't you answer?" Calum asked.

"I don't know," Luke said, trying his best to sound casual, but Calum and Michael had both quieted down and were staring at Luke like a pack of hungry wolves, waiting for more.

"You look like you got laid," Michael commented. There was silence. "Did you get laid?" 

" _No_ ," Luke hissed. "God, no."

"Okay, but something happened," Calum insisted. "Was it... a girl?" 

"No."

"A _boy?_ " Michael threw in. 

"No," Luke lied. "I was probably just taking a shower."

"We all know that's not true," Calum said.

With the most perfect timing, Luke briefly locked eyes with Ashton, seated in the back row on the opposite side of the room. It was a short glance and Ashton immediately looked away after flashing a quick smile, but Luke felt his stomach do a somersault anyway. Thankfully, Calum and Michael didn't seem to notice the short exchange of what Luke deemed to be "long-distance flirting," and they continued pestering Luke for answers. 

"Nothing happened with anyone," Luke protested. "If something did happen, don't you think I would tell you?"

"No," Michael said, "because I know something happened. And you're not telling us."

"Don't try to hide it," Calum jumped in. "Your face just got really red." 

"It's hot in here." That definitely was going down in Luke's record of worst excuses ever used.

To Luke's relief, at that moment the professor decided to head to the front of the class, cutting off Calum and Michael. Luke was lucky that he'd only barely gotten out of this one, and he wondered how long he would have to keep this up. Until Luke accepted it himself, he refused to tell anyone about his feelings for Ashton. If his own mind wasn't able to handle the realization of his romantic connection with another boy, then how would other people react? 

\---

Luke spent his afternoon at Ashton's house. He'd received a text from Ashton at lunch inviting him over after classes and of course Luke said yes.  He didn't have to work for two weeks and it was refreshing being able to do whatever he wanted after classes. He'd been thinking about it for awhile, deciding on how to spend his two weeks of freedom. He could hang out with Calum and Michael. He could even go buy that stereo he'd been itching to get. He could actually sort his life out. But one glance at the message from Ashton and all his decisions were made. 

On that same day he'd later stumbled into Ashton's room on accident. He wasn't sure how he ended up there but he was a bit starstruck by it. There was a queen bed on the opposite wall with a large window next to it opening up to an oak tree in the yard outside. The room was far neater than it should've been for a teenage boy stressing over school but Luke liked it. The room was filled with little traces of Ashton in each corner, from pictures of his family sitting on his nightstand to stupid stuffed animals lying around; but what stood out to Luke the most was the band posters. Instead of just leaving like a proper guest should have, he took a moment to admire the posters messily taped up on the walls. 

There was Blink-182, Yellowcard, Sleeping With Sirens, and even All Time Low— all brilliant bands that Luke loved, and he was suddenly so intrigued by Ashton's music taste. Could you be attracted to someone's music taste?

"Luke?"

"I didn't know you liked—"

Luke got caught on his words when he turned around to catch Ashton's eye. Ashton was standing in the doorway and he had a bandana tied around his curls— a fucking _bandana_ , and Luke was  _pissed_ , because he suddenly had never had a greater desire to kiss Ashton.He swallowed nervously and tried to finish his sentence but failed horribly, tripping over his words. 

"What's wrong?" Ashton asked. "Should I ditch the bandana? Oh no." Ashton looked genuinely worried and began untying it. 

"No, don't do that," Luke said quickly. "It's good. I like it."

"Then why are you stuttering?" Ashton asked. 

"It's just— it looks  _great_. Really great." 

So maybe they ended up making out on Ashton's bed, but it didn't really matter. They'd already done all their homework and they had plenty of time to kill. 

When Luke told Ashton he didn't want to spend the night during the week, he could've sworn that Ashton looked a little sad by that. It was nothing personal, it was just that Luke had to go home eventually because he needed to wash his clothes and there was school tomorrow. But Ashton finally let Luke go with a kiss on the cheek and a giggle, and Luke was so giddy that he felt like a young schoolgirl with a crush. It was halfway true, actually. Not the schoolgirl part, but definitely the crush part. 

Luke went over to Ashton's house again on Tuesday. And Wednesday. And by Thursday it had started turning into a routine that Ashton didn't even have to invite him anymore, it was just implied that Luke would be there. 

They would finish their homework, eat a dinner which usually consisted of leftovers, perhaps cuddle on the couch a little bit, and if they were up to it, sometimes they would just kiss the whole time. 

School was the worst. Calum and Michael did a pretty good job at keeping Luke's mind off of Ashton but one accidental glance in the direction of the mop of curls and Luke wouldn't be able to think straight for a solid ten minutes. Going a whole seven hours not being able to talk to someone you liked was hard. So there was that, plus the fact that Ashton still had a flock of flirty girls chasing him around everywhere like hawks. It bothered Luke, but he knew there was nothing he could say without someone raising questions. Yeah, Ashton was a bit of a problem, but Luke liked this problem. 

On Friday, after several pleads from Ashton, Luke finally agreed to sleep over since there was no school the next day. Ashton was so thrilled by that that he simply fell over on the couch and hugged Luke tightly. Luke hugged back—of course—but Ashton refused to let go for a few minutes and actually began nuzzling his face into Luke's chest until Luke finally pushed him away and told him it was getting a little ridiculous. Ashton playfully punched him, insisting that Luke liked it, and even though Luke wouldn't admit it out loud, Ashton was right.

After dinner Ashton had somehow managed to drag Luke—hand in hand—into his room to play a very heated game of Scrabble that Friday night. Ashton anxiously pulling Luke down the hall was the first time Luke discovered that the gaps between his fingers fit perfectly with Ashton's, like two pieces of a puzzle.

The game would've been pretty boring hadn't Luke challenged Ashton to see who could come up with the most inappropriate words. Ashton won in the end, bragging about it—and even whispering some of those words—as he kissed Luke on the carpet later that evening. The kissing would've gone on for quite awhile if Luke hadn't reminded him they needed to put the game away, and Ashton stubbornly crawled off Luke before collecting the game pieces.

"Can I ask you something?" Luke said, clearing off the Scrabble board before getting up to take a seat at the end of Ashton's bed. 

"Yeah, sure."

"What is this?" Luke said hesitantly. "Between us?" 

Ashton glanced up, making brief eye contact before sliding the game under his bed. "Whatever you want it to be."

Luke thought about that for awhile before speaking up again. "What do  _you_ want it to be?"

"Do we have to label it?" Ashton asked, taking a seat on the bed next to Luke. "I just want to be with you, actually. Doesn't matter what we want to call it."

The words struck Luke hard because— _wow_ —no one had ever said that to him before, and most certainly not someone he liked. He'd dated people in the past, of course, but none of them seemed to hit him quite like Ashton did. There was something about Ashton that was so painfully different than all the girls he'd dated back home, and it wasn't just because Ashton was a boy. There was something Luke felt about Ashton that was more than just infatuation; it felt like there was a piece of Luke's life missing and Ashton filled that space.

"Ashton?" Luke said softly. "Does anyone else know?"

"No, why?"

Luke felt a lump form in his throat and he began fidgeting with the bracelets on his wrist.

After a moment of silence and Luke thinking to himself, Ashton reached over and carefully grabbed Luke's hand, resting it on his thigh and stroking it reassuringly with his thumb. He must've been able to tell that Luke was scared, even when Luke hadn't said why yet. But Luke was more than scared. He was terrified. Terrified to think about what would happen if people found out. Being with Ashton felt wrong, but it felt right at the same time, and Luke was significantly confused by this.

"Can we keep it that way?" Luke asked quietly. "Just, for now at least?"

"Yeah, we can," Ashton said, still gently stroking Luke's hand. 

"I'm sorry for asking questions," Luke apologized, "but, why did you treat me like that? When we first met." Luke thought about the incident in the parking lot. He thought about how scared he was of Ashton and how he had no idea what was coming for him. "You were... I don't know. I thought you hated me."

"I guess it's because I didn't know what else to do," Ashton responded. "You were a freshman. You were innocent. And I kind of liked you, but I didn't want to like you. I wasn't supposed to like you. I'm not supposed to like you _now._ " Ashton let out a groan. "I actually don't have an answer, Luke. I wish I knew." 

Luke nodded, looking down to watch Ashton's fingers rub against his hand. "And, one more thing?" Luke said. "Since we're doing a little Q and A. I thought you liked girls," he continued with a smirk. 

"I did." Ashton's voice was so soft that Luke only barely heard him. The older boy lazily dropped his head so it was resting on Luke's shoulder, almost as an act of defeat. "But then I met you." 


	13. romeo and juliet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads-up, I changed the description :)

It wasn't that Luke didn't like kids. It was that he really didn't know what to say around them. He was awkward enough around people his own age, but then kids would ask him questions about why the sun is so bright and why water is wet and he would freeze up. Why does the alphabet have 26 letters? Great question. Also a question Luke doesn't know the answer to.

So he would make up some bullshitted story about how some fairy prince from a faraway land came along one day and decided that everything needs to be the way it is. The kids liked the stories and it saved Luke from looking stupid, even though someday those kids would end up thoroughly disappointed when they were to find out it was all a lie. But that was something Luke didn't have to worry about. 

On Wednesday the music professor had invited some kids from the grade school to come over. These kids were all less than ten years old, mind you, and it was up to the music students to teach them anything they could fit into a one-hour block. 

All of the college students had separated into groups of three, landing Luke in a group with Calum and, since everyone else was already in a group, Ashton was forced to join them. Luke didn't mind, though. 

24 curious children were split up into groups of six each, and if you didn't already know, having six sets of eyes burning into your soul while you talked was a little nerve-wracking. This was their chance to teach these kids about music and get them interested, perhaps to the point where a few of them would want to learn an instrument. But as soon as the spotlight was on Luke, he stuttered endlessly, waiting until either Calum or Ashton would jump in and cover for him. 

Calum and Ashton were particularly good with the children; telling them jokes and evading the personal questions like it was something they did every day. Though Calum still seemed to be struggling, he was doing a far better job than Luke. 

"This is a guitar pick." Calum held it up in the air for the students to gawk at. "Also known as a plectrum." Luke didn't even know that. "It gives off a more crisp sound than if you were to just use your fingers."

"Do you have a girlfriend?" one of the boys in the group piped up. Children were kind of like squirrels in the sense that they had an extremely short attention span.

"Do  _you?_ " Calum shot back, earning a giggle from the other kids. 

"I used to," the boy replied. "But then she got mad at me because I lifted up her skirt because Andrew told me that girls kept candy under their skirts. And you know what?" The little boy threw his arms in the air dramatically. "There wasn't any candy!"

Luke and Ashton turned away and quietly laughed to themselves because, damn, this Andrew kid sure knew what he was doing.

"That's how I got this." The boy lifted up his shirt to show off a small bruise beginning to form on his hip. "I didn't know girls were mean."

 _That looks like a hickey,_ Luke thought, and he fortunately restrained himself from saying it out loud. Anyway, he wasn't allowed to joke about hickeys, especially after considering the time he spent a week trying to cover up the one Ashton gave him. 

Calum blinked. "Well that's definitely not the best thing to do to your girlfriend. Don't listen to Andrew next time." The little boy huffed and crossed his arms while Calum continued lecturing them about the parts of a guitar.

Ashton had a djembe hand-drum seated on the floor in front of him, waiting to be played. Ashton was a percussionist and he was always fucking around on some drums in the back of class. The rest of the music class had learned to just tune out and ignore the hyperactive drummers, so when Ashton was finally given the opportunity to show off his drumming skills to some younger kids who would actually listen, he was thrilled.

When Calum was done with his half of the lesson, Ashton played a few complicated rudiments and drumming patterns on the djembe and the kids watched in amazement because, obviously, the drums were the most interesting part of the lesson. There were even kids from other groups peering over.

However, the kids weren't the only ones entranced by Ashton's drumming, because Luke definitely wasn't being subtle about the fact that he was staring. 

It seemed that the drums filled the kids with some burst of energy because as soon as Ashton was finished, a roar of voices erupted from the huddle of children. Some kids started crawling closer, begging if they could hit the drum.

"Yeah, yeah, hold on guys," Ashton protested with a laugh. "I have to tell you a little about the drums first. I just needed to get your attention." The kids let out a groan. "I know it's boring, but just wait. It'll be worth it." 

Ashton began delving on and on about the variety of percussion instruments and how to properly hit a drum, and Luke could've sworn that Calum was jealous because the kids were actually paying attention for once. 

Luke thought it was kind of cute, the way that Ashton interacted with the children. He knew how to get them to ask questions and he somehow had the children hypnotized on him with buzzing excitement in the air. Luke was a little hypnotized too, but probably for different reasons. 

"Drummers have to keep the song going because they focus on the rhythm," Ashton explained. "We have to keep a good, steady pace. And you know what that means?" 

There was a quiet murmur as the kids quieted down, waiting for the answer.

 _It means that you're probably good at sex,_ Luke thought to himself. Except he didn't think it to himself, he'd actually said it out loud, and he didn't even realize it until he heard a chorus of gasps from the cluster of children encircling them, and— _oh shit_ —he was just beginning to realize that he'd mentioned sex in front of a group of grade-school students. And if that wasn't bad enough, he'd basically just implied that he thought Ashton Irwin would be good at it.

Calum—oh God, Calum—choked out a quick, stifled laugh while Ashton stared at Luke with his jaw slightly dropped. The sudden tension of the group was almost fatal and, really, Luke kind of wanted to just get up and leave the room. Luke had said it quietly, and all he could do was pray that maybe not all of them had picked up on it. 

Luke's hands were sweaty around the guitar he was firmly gripping on his lap, and he was fully aware that his face had flushed an embarrassing shade of red.

At first Luke tried to brush it off in hopes that maybe they were reacting to something else and maybe they hadn't heard what he'd said. But then there was a quiet,  _"what's sex?"_  from one of the little girls in the group and Luke knew that he was immensely screwed because, yes, they had definitely heard him. 

The stretch of silence was painful, especially to Luke, who was fully aware that he'd just said what could possibly be classified as the  _stupidest_ thing to say in front of a group of 10-year-olds. And he wanted to pass out.

"It means that we get to decide how fast the song goes," Ashton finished slowly, his gaze not even wavering from Luke. 

The tension of the group was so stifling that Luke felt as if the room was about to shatter. Out of the countless stupid things he'd said in his lifetime—and there was quite a long list—he was sure that this took the cake. 

Even though Ashton looked pissed, Luke could've sworn he saw a flicker of amusement in Ashton's eyes when he looked over. Luke knew Ashton well enough to know that the older boy would certainly use this against him in the future. If Ashton wasn't busy gaping at Luke in shock, he definitely would've been grinning. 

"Okay!" Calum said, finally breaking the silence. He reached for an object on the desk next to him and held it in the air. "This is a capo." He slapped it on the neck of his guitar and began demonstrating how it worked, even though a few of the children still had their eyes glued on Luke in horror. Nice save, Calum. 

When the children finally began to peal their eyes away from Luke, Ashton leaned over to say something.

"These kids are, like,  _ten,_ " he whispered. 

Luke shrugged in response and put on an uncomfortable smile. The rest of the day was fairly shitty. 

\---

"They're not even supposed to know what sex is," Luke said to Ashton as he kicked back into the couch cushions and rested his feet on the short glass coffee table in front of them. Ashton scolded Luke and kicked his legs off the table, protesting that he didn't want the table to break. "And ten-year-olds date each other now," Luke continued, ignoring Ashton. "Do they, like, kiss? That's weird."

The two of them were seated on Ashton's couch as Ashton, using his laptop, copied Shakespeare notes from the internet, half-tuning into Luke's words. 

"Juliet was only thirteen," Ashton said.

"What?"

Ashton looked up from his laptop. "You know, Romeo and Juliet? Juliet was only thirteen when they had sex. And they got married, on top of that. That's pretty interesting." 

"But these kids were younger than that. And that's just sick." Luke looked over suddenly with alarm in his eyes. "Ten-year-olds don't have sex, do they? That's not physically possible, right?" Before Ashton could answer, Luke let out an exasperated groan and rubbed his eyes. 

"What did Calum say?" Ashton asked. "About your little... confession?" Ashton took his eyes off the screen and wagged his eyebrows suggestively, forcing Luke to roll his eyes. Just like he'd predicted, Ashton was being the smuggest little shit about this.

"He didn't say anything actually, and that worries me. Because usually by now I wouldn't have heard the end of it. But, nope. Nothing. And it's scaring the hell out of me."

"Well, there's lots of things I could say about it, if you want to hear them," Ashton teased.

"I'll unplug your laptop," Luke threatened, reaching for the cord. 

"Actually, go ahead," Ashton said, "I'm done." He closed the laptop and set it down on the coffee table. "Now we should definitely talk about what you said today."

"No we shouldn't."

" _'It means that you're probably good at sex,'_ "Ashton quoted with a giggle. "That's, like, the best thing I've ever heard. I bet you'd like to find out, wouldn't you?" Ashton burst into a fit of laughter and Luke didn't even hesitate to shove him over.

Ashton slowly sat back up and opened his mouth to say something else before collapsing back down, choking with laughter again. Luke sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Sometimes Ashton was annoying.

After several long moments of Ashton wheezing out laughter, he finally took a deep breath and regained his posture. "You're cute," he said once he'd calmed down. 

"I screwed up," Luke protested. "How is that cute?"

"Because you're so worried about it," Ashton laughed.

Luke shook his head and began rambling on about how stupid he was when Ashton quickly leaned over and kissed him gently, shutting him up immediately. Ashton's sudden touch startled Luke and the kiss was so brief that Luke didn't even get a chance to react.

"Stop worrying about it," Ashton said after pulling apart. "They're ten and they'll forget about it."

"What about you?" Luke questioned. "You won't forget about it."

"Of course I won't," Ashton responded. He had on a cheeky smile that should've annoyed Luke, but instead filled him with adoration.

In response, Luke linked his hands around Ashton's neck and pulled him back in for another kiss; this time they didn't break apart.

Ashton was definitely annoying. So Luke, with their lips locked together, decided that he was annoying in a very endearing way.


	14. shitty movie night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say thank you to all of you! I'm actually blown away by how much support this story has gotten, I really didn't expect it to go anywhere. I love you all and your comments make me smileee :)  
> Also, important note, keep in mind that 'baroque' is pronounced 'buh-roke'  
> Just keep that in mind haha

Luke did indeed feel a bit rejected when Ashton texted him that he was going to hang out with some other friends on Sunday. Other friends— as in, not Luke. It was the last day Luke was free before he had to continue working again and he was kind of hoping to spend it with Ashton, but he tried not to take it personally. 

Conveniently, Calum had invited him and Michael over for some cliché movie night— cliché meaning that they ended up playing a classic game of truth-or-dare and watching Frozen. And, really, it was enough to keep Luke satisfied. It had been awhile since he'd hung out with either of them outside of classes and if it meant that Michael would be forcing them to watch a Disney film, so be it.

Michael was anxiously awake and hyper for the entire showing of Frozen. Luke and Calum had dozed off, leaning against each other on their half of the couch while Michael poked them awake during funny parts. This went on for the entire length of the movie until it finally reached the end.

"You guys missed it!"

Luke and Calum jolted awake from their slumber and Calum kicked his shin against the coffee table in front of them with a loud crash, swearing loudly.

"You missed the whole movie," Michael grumbled, ignoring Calum's complaints. "Shitty movie night, this is."

"Mikey, you're such a teenage girl," Calum whined. "And now my shin fucking hurts." 

"It's only nine o'clock and you guys are already passed out," Michael complained. "That's embarrassing. I bet my girlfriend could stay awake longer than you two can."

"You don't have a girlfriend," Luke reminded, reaching for a pillow off the floor and chucking it at Michael's head. 

Michael threw the pillow back. "No, but if I did—"

" _Shut up_." Calum leaned over onto Michael and began snuggling into Michael's neck, and Michael actually cuddled back for a few seconds before harshly dumping Calum onto the floor, forcing a laugh out of Luke. 

"I'm so injured," Calum croaked from his spot on the ground. "You guys are going to kill me."

"You two are such pricks," Michael said. He got off his seat on the couch and began gathering his belongings. "I'm gonna get going." He walked over to Calum's door and turned around with a cheeky smile. "Text me if anything interesting happens between you two, like a make-out sesh or something." Calum frowned and shot Michael the middle-finger. "Don't forget to film it!" Michael added in before closing the door behind him.

" _Lukey_ ," Calum groaned as he stumbled up and fell on the couch, next to Luke. "I'm tired. We should probably call this a night, yeah?" 

"Wow, are you kicking me out?" Luke asked with a scoff. "I thought we really had something, you know?"

"This is my way of breaking up with you," Calum teased. "I'm sorry. Oh—and— wait." Calum paused for a second. "Niall's having a Valentine's party next Saturday and you should come. Like, everyone's invited; Niall doesn't really care."

Luke began shuffling through the mess of blankets and pillows littering the floor, rummaging for his phone. "Who's Niall?" 

"Good lad, you'll like him. The most carefree person I've ever met. Real party animal."

"Yeah, Saturday?" Luke got up from his seat and slung his messenger bag over his shoulder, getting ready to leave. "I might be a little late because I have to work, but I think I'll go. I don't have anything else to do."

Calum let out a cheer. "Oh, and, Luke?" he said. "You can invite your boyfriend if you want." 

Luke froze in his spot and glared down at Calum with confusion. "Who?"

"Ashton," Calum clarified casually. "Unless he's already invited, I mean."

Luke's face turned a flustered shade of red and he bit his lip nervously, tasting the cold metal of his lip ring. "Ashton Irwin?" he hesitated, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "He's not my boyfriend." And it wasn't even a lie, really. Neither of them had ever decided to make it official, so until then, they were basically just cuddle-buddies. 

Calum smiled up at Luke. "It's okay, I won't tell anyone." 

"Why would we be  _dating?_ _"_ Luke asked. "We hate each other." 

"Don't go thinking I've forgotten about the other day in music class," Calum warned, and alarms went off in Luke's head because,  _shit_.Of course Calum would remember. "You looked like you wanted to  _devour_ him. And he looked at you like the sun was shining out of your ass or something." Luke thought that was a strange analogy, and Calum hopped off the couch to guide Luke out of his apartment, earning a few strangled protests from the younger boy. "It was kind of disgusting," Calum frowned, "but whatever. See you tomorrow!"

And with those final words, Luke was standing dizzily in the dim hallway just outside Calum's apartment, contemplating his life. The drive back to his apartment was long and thoughtful and Ashton's name jumbled through his mind endlessly.

Luke's apartment was long neglected, considering he'd spent a large portion of the past two weeks either at school or at Ashton's house. Everything was a mess, and Luke had almost forgotten about that. There were clothing items lying in the strangest places (he'd found a pair of jeans on top of the refrigerator) and he'd dug up one of his old homework assignments from underneath his mattress (how the hell does that even happen?).

After somewhat sorting out the jungle that his apartment had transformed into, Luke changed into some sweats, maneuvering around the dirty pile of clothes in the center of his room. Right before going on a nightly round to switch off the lights, he checked his phone, only to be greeted by a text from Calum.

_You and Ashton are quite cute actually xx_

Luke's shaky fingers nervously deleted the text. He also took a quick mental note to slap Calum tomorrow at school.

\---

Now that work had started back up, Luke hardly ever got to see Ashton. He woke up, sluggishly attended classes, worked, slept, and repeated the cycle, leaving him barely any time to even keep up on homework. His grades were screaming for him, only surfacing on the brink of a passing mark.

Despite seeing him every day, Luke missed Ashton. He missed talking to him and he missed getting lost in kisses and gentle touches with him. He just missed  _Ashton_. _  
_

Luke thought it was annoying to keep his feelings for Ashton a secret, though he knew that he could never brave letting the secret out. Maybe someday, but definitely not now. Not when he had so many other things to worry about.

Calum already knew—partially—anyway, and Michael would certainly find out eventually. Sometimes Luke really just wanted to forget everything and hold Ashton's hand. He wanted to hug Ashton when he was stressed out and he wanted to eat lunch with him every day, and when it came down to it, there was really nothing stopping him.

Except for the flock of horny girls that crawled behind Ashton every day. Yeah. Ashton basically had his own fan club trailing behind him everywhere he went. The girls dug under Luke's skin quite often, and the only thing keeping Luke back was the realization that  _he_ was the one Ashton fell asleep with at night. Luke was the one that Ashton held closely, not those girls. Luke was the one that Ashton had admitted to having feelings for, even if it was something they couldn't freely express, and that was all Luke needed.

In another light, at least Luke still had Calum and Michael. He didn't like them nearly the same way he liked Ashton, but he trusted them just the same. 

Michael had an appealing, dry sense of humor. He also liked annoying the hell out of Luke by rambling on about his video games. Michael was always making fun of Luke— in fact, 95% of their friendship was based entirely off insult-based conversations. But Luke liked that.

Calum seemed to have a constant cycle of energy, and sometimes this got him in trouble. Calum was that student that never really paid much attention in class, and occasionally he dragged Luke down with him. Like he did on Tuesday.

When the professor noticed Luke and Calum silently conversing during the lecture, he decided to pick on Luke to answer a question about baroque music. There was a short stretch of silence and Luke could feel his classmates' eyes burning into him. It was, of course, this exact moment that Luke's mind suddenly forgot everything he knew about baroque music. 

"I don't— I'm not sure," he admitted.

"And why do you not know the answer, Mr. Hemmings?" the professor asked, crossing his arms and pacing the front of the room. The professor didn't mean for it to be offensive; he did this with a lot of the students. Except Luke had never been one of those students.

Luke clenched his jaw and could feel his face turning red with embarrassment. "I do recall just telling you the answer a few minutes ago," the professor added in.

"Maybe he's baroque-en," a familiar voice from the other side of the room commented, earning a few laughs from the other students. Luke looked over to see a giggly Ashton laughing at his own joke and Luke's breath hitched in his throat. Was Ashton teasing him? In front of the whole class?

The professor quietly laughed and began walking over to the other side of the room, and Luke was silently thankful that Ashton had managed to divert the class's attention away from Luke. Luke didn't like attention, especially when it was under a bad light. 

"Mr. Irwin, that's a little rude, don't you think?" the professor asked.

"Sorry, Luke," Ashton apologized from the other side of the room with a proud smirk on his face. He looked over and locked eyes with Luke. "Maybe you should just listen next time," he shrugged.

The class laughed again, along with the professor—because Ashton was that perfect student every teacher adored—and Luke hastily slipped his gaze away from Ashton, suppressing a smile. He tried to appear offended, but instead ended up biting down on his bottom lip in an effort to force back a smile. 

Calum was grinning over at Luke with a knowing look, and Luke mentally encouraged him to go fuck himself. 


	15. two can play at this game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update this week, you guys owe me because this will probably never happen again lol

By the time Luke managed to get off work on Saturday night, the Valentine's party at Niall's house was already in full swing. The house was pulsing music and lights that could be seen and heard a block away, and Luke was a little worried about what would happen. It was his first party in America and he wasn't quite sure what to expect— he didn't even know Niall. 

But here he was, anxiously standing on the porch and ringing the doorbell. The music was so loud that he could feel the bass shaking the ground beneath him.

Finally the door cracked open and the sudden blast of music took Luke by surprise. There was a small teenage girl holding the door open with vibrant makeup outlining her face and, honestly, this definitely wasn't reassuring to Luke. The girl willed Luke to come in with a simple gesture of her hand before closing the door behind him and heading off into the mob of people. 

The house was crammed with people dancing and grinding to the beat of the music, and there were multi-colored lights beaming through the darkness. It kind of looked like a mosh-pit at an All Time Low concert, Luke thought.

After a few minutes of Luke standing in his corner by the door without a hint of what to do, he felt someone come up behind him and wrap their arms around him. 

"Lukey-wukey, you're here!" Calum slurred. "And you're late." Judging by his state, he'd probably consumed a few drinks too many. Luke made a promise to himself not to take more than a few sips of alcohol, because the last thing he needed was to wake up the next morning with a hangover.

"I just got off work," Luke shouted over the music, "where's Michael?"

"I'm right here, you dick." Luke looked past Calum to see a hyperactive Michael waving his hands at Luke. His hair was splayed out in ten different directions and there was a fresh red stain on his plaid shirt, and Luke sincerely hoped it wasn't blood. 

"You guys are really out of it, aren't you?" Luke asked.

Calum walked around to the front and grabbed Luke's shirt collar before planting a kiss on Luke's cheek. "Yeah," he answered. 

"Cut it out," Michael said, pulling Calum away from Luke. "I don't want to be a loser. Let's go into the crowd." 

And with those final words, Calum and Michael were dragging Luke into the mass of people, pushing past several grinding couples in the process. The next few minutes were a blur of sweat and drunken dancing while Luke tried to understand what was happening. A few girls had come up to them and were undoubtedly flirting away with Calum and Michael, but Luke ignored them when they tried to bat their eyelashes at him. He certainly wasn't looking for a drunken hookup, and he certainly wasn't that kind of person. He preferred knowing the person before taking things further, which is why it wasn't hard for him to ignore the pouting girls. 

The first time Luke noticed Ashton in the crowd, his stomach did a flip in surprise and confusion. Ashton had a blonde girl grinding on him, and he looked—to say the least—very pleased with himself. Luke didn't even realize he was staring until Ashton looked up and their eyes met from across the room. Ashton's lips curved into a smile and Luke felt like he'd just gotten kicked in the throat because Ashton was doing this intentionally. He  _wanted_ Luke to see, and if he was hoping to piss Luke off, he was doing a good job.

So Luke turned away briskly and focused his attention on Calum's drunken flail of the Macarena. 

Though the music was cranked up painfully loud, there was one person at the party that still managed to be heard over everyone. The blonde kid—Luke figured this was the famous Niall—hopped around from group to group, and people accepted him willfully. Niall seemed to have even more energy than Calum, and Luke thought he did a dutifully good job at bringing a new meaning to being called the "life of the party."

Luke's eyes kept somehow landing on Ashton, despite the fact that there were hundreds of people separating them, and the worst part was that each time Luke looked over, Ashton had a new flock of girls hanging off of him. Out of the countless times Luke's eyes had caught this, Ashton happened to look over each and every single time with a smirk on his face, because—right—he  _wanted_ to make Luke jealous. 

Luke's focus on Ashton was cut off when Niall made his way over to their group with his loud hollers and bizarre dance moves. He fit in perfectly with each group he traveled to and lifted everyone's spirits just by being there. 

"Hey, never seen you before!" Niall shouted, using his elbow to lightly nudge Luke in the ribs. "It's always good to see some new faces. How you likin' the party?"

"You're a good host," Luke said awkwardly, leaning closer to Niall's ear so he wouldn't have to yell. "This is good; I like it."

"Ooh, are you Australian too?" Niall cooed, taking note of Luke's accent. "That's  _sexy._ 'M not gay or anything, but the girls'll love ya. Lad!" 

And in a matter of seconds, the outgoing Irishman was off to another group. 

Luke and Ashton made eye contact several more times and each time Luke's frustration continued to grow. He hadn't talked to Ashton all week outside of text messages, and if that wasn't hard enough, now Ashton was taunting him at a party.

There were girls leaning against Luke with glasses of alcohol and Luke rejected most of them until Michael started mocking him for being a pussy, and so he finally accepted a glass. It was a party. Luke needed to get loose, and what was the point of going to a party if you weren't willing to have fun?

Luke took a sip of the alcohol and, deciding that it tasted rather vile, left his friends momentarily to go set the glass down on a table in the kitchen. His fingers were slippery with sweat and he really wasn't looking forward to spilling alcohol over his shoes, so he decided to take care of that problem before it happened. 

On his way back through the crowd of people, he spotted Ashton, and it was the closest they'd been all evening, so Luke took advantage of the opportunity. He grabbed Ashton's shoulder and the older boy stopped in his tracks to slide his gaze over to Luke. Luke could've sworn he caught Ashton checking him out and Luke bit back a smile before leaning over to Ashton's ear.

"I know what you're doing," he said, "and two can play at this game." Without waiting for a response, Luke took his hand off Ashton and continued pushing his way through the crowd to find Calum and Michael. By the time he found them, they had a completely new group of girls partying with them.

"Hey mate, where'd you go to?" Calum asked with his arm around another girl's waist. 

"The alcohol's sick," Luke responded. "In a bad way."

"The girls are good though, am I right?" Michael chipped in with a girl leaning against his shoulder.

"Yeah they are," he lied. He knew exactly what he was about to do.

Luke turned to the brunette nearest him and smiled at her. Taking this as some sort of consent, the girl giggled and pressed her body up to Luke. There were alarms going off in Luke's head and he desperately wanted to push her away, but when he caught Ashton looking over with his jaw slightly dropped, Luke just pulled the girl closer. The girl was definitely pretty—Luke wasn't going to lie—but it still felt weird to have this stranger so close to him.

He did this for the next few minutes, rotating through different girls like they were nothing. He felt like an extreme douche-bag each time he moved on, but the look of horror on Ashton's face from across the room was  _priceless_. 

Luke let the music take over and let the girls come to him. It was undeniable that the ladies thought Luke was attractive, so he almost didn't have to try at all. He felt a little weirded out, having strangers grind on him, but he reminded himself that he was a teenager and this is what people did at parties, so why not? 

Luke wasn't quite sure exactly when, but sometime later, he found himself alone with Calum and Michael off in their own worlds. The bass of the music still roared through the place, but Luke needed to take a breather, and so he found the nearest wall and leaned up against it. A few more girls came sauntering up to him for a flirt, but he ignored each of them.

Michael was off in another corner making out with a tall brunette, and Calum and Niall were skipping around together in their drunken glory. 

Luke's breath caught in his throat when he felt someone come up behind him and slink their hands onto his waist. The touch was delicate and gentle, but Luke's muscles still tensed up.

"You've grinded on everyone at this party except for me and I don't like that." Luke peered over his shoulder to see a pouting Ashton, and cheers of success went off in his head, because this is exactly what he wanted. 

"You started it," Luke laughed. 

"You're such a little shit and I'm so mad because you're not supposed to do that and I don't understand because you don't usually—" The remainder of Ashton's rambling was muffled as he buried his face into Luke's neck, and Luke picked out parts of Ashton's words, catching something along the lines of "stupid" and "fuck." 

"Ash, how drunk are you?"

Ashton pulled his face away from Luke's neck and rested his chin on Luke's shoulder. He would never have done this under normal circumstances, but since everyone else in the room was either too entranced in the music or too wasted to notice, he only pressed closer to Luke. 

"Not that drunk," he answered. "Just had a few sips. I prefer waking up  _not_ hungover. And I really don't like making stupid decisions; I like to keep my dignity."

Luke scoffed. "And grinding on hundreds of girls  _isn't_ a stupid decision?"

Ashton lifted his head up. "Are you  _jealous?_ " 

"No." 

"You are!" Ashton walked around so he was facing Luke. "Can I kiss you?"

Luke momentarily pinched his eyes shut before hesitantly responding, "Not here." 

"Fine." Ashton grabbed Luke's hand and began pulling the younger boy through the crowd. No one seemed to notice the two of them linking hands, and even if they did, Luke really didn't care. Most of these people didn't know him anyway. 

The two of them made their way through the cluster of sweaty bodies and out of the house. As soon as the door was shut, the sound of the music was cut off and replaced by the rush of falling rain. Typical Washington weather. 

It was definitely past midnight by now, and the rain was falling so hard that small puddles of water began collecting on the sides of the roads. Going through the rain, Luke's clothes began sticking to his body, and his Vans became heavier as they got soaked down by the water.

Ashton pulled Luke through the rain and over to his silver Prius— the same silver Prius Luke had accidentally crashed into back when school first started. Ashton unlocked the car with a chirp and the two of them piled into the narrow backseat. Luke pulled Ashton on top of him and desperately connected their lips as soon as the door was shut. The interior of the car was a little on the cooler side, but Luke and Ashton were still sweaty from the party. The falling of the rain outside fogged up the windows and they were surrounded with the sound of the rain outside pouring against the vehicle. 

Luke hadn't tasted Ashton's lips in a week and he savored it. He twisted his fingers into Ashton's curls and rolled out obscenities in between kisses. Waiting a week for Ashton was almost impossible for Luke, and he never wanted to leave Ashton again. The seven days were long and boring and Luke felt like they needed to make up for the lost time, so he kissed him harder because he  _wanted_ Ashton.  _Needed_ him.

"I've missed you so much," Luke said in between kisses, because he needed Ashton to know that. He needed Ashton to know that each day that went on was painful and slow for him. He needed Ashton to know just how much he meant to him, and Luke felt like the only way he could fully express that was by their gentle touches. "Ashton, I  _needed_ you. I need you _now._ "

Suddenly Ashton broke apart and leaned down to Luke's ear to ask, "Do you want to?" 

Luke's words almost got caught in his throat because he knew exactly what Ashton was saying, and  _God, yes_ he wanted to. The fact that Luke was eighteen and still a virgin was something that should've been used against him multiple times. 

"Yes," Luke finally breathed out with his heart racing in his chest.

"You sure?"

Luke nodded quickly before pressing their lips together again, and Ashton rolled his hips down against Luke's, forcing a moan to escape out of the younger boy. They kissed desperately until finally Ashton broke the kiss and pulled his shirt off while still straddling Luke. 

"It's fucking hot in here," Ashton complained. 

 _It's because you're in here,_ Luke thought to himself, and he fortunately restrained himself from saying it out loud.

Ashton crawled off Luke temporarily and reached past the front seats to open up the glove compartment. The lack of body contact forced a desperate whine out of Luke's throat. "Can you hurry up?" Luke snapped from the backseat. 

" _Relax,_ " Ashton said as he pulled a condom and lube out of the glove compartment. "Jesus, Luke, are you always like this?" He slammed the glove compartment closed and crawled back onto Luke. His fingers slowly began undoing the buttons on Luke's flannel and Luke's impatience was growing with each ticking second.

Ashton began trailing kisses from Luke's neck down to his collarbones, and Luke's moans were only half-apparent over the sound of the rain whipping the windows. 

"Ash, I'm a virgin," Luke blurted out quickly. 

At first Ashton didn't answer, and Luke wasn't sure if he'd heard him or not. Ashton continued pecking kisses on Luke's skin and goosebumps rose on his chest.

"That's even better." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soorrryyyy I don't write smut


	16. brad pitt's cute

The fact that Ashton wasn't ignoring Luke the day after the party was a pretty good sign. In fact, Luke had spent all of Sunday with Ashton, so it was refreshing to know that it wasn't just a one-night stand.

It was late Sunday afternoon and Luke was sitting on his couch with an open textbook and the TV blasting in the background, Ashton lying lazily next to him. It was the first time Ashton had ever been to Luke's apartment and to say that it was still a mess was an understatement. It looked a lot like a tornado had ripped through it or something, but Luke still wasn't able to muster up the strength to clean it. And it was pissing Ashton off to endless limits. 

"Why is there a sock on the television?" Ashton asked. Luke looked up from the textbook in his lap. 

"Are you just now noticing that?"

"No, but it's just bothering me now." Ashton got up from his seat to remove the sock, stepping on a candy wrapper in the process. "Jesus, Luke." He bent down to pick up the ripped Hershey's wrapper. "Do you even clean this place?" Ashton walked over to the television to complete his initial task.

"Calculus is the mathematical study of change," Luke recited his textbook blankly, ignoring Ashton's comments. "It is of vital importance in Physics—"

"There's a half-eaten sandwich back here," Ashton called from behind the television. "Why?" 

"I think that's Calum's," Luke answered as he scribbled words in his notebook.

"It's molding," Ashton stated. He had a collection of garbage in his hands and was heading over to drop it off in the trashcan when he stepped on a potato chip with a crunch. "You're such a teenage boy," he groaned. 

"And you're such a house maid," Luke mocked from the couch, not looking up from his assignment. "Why don't you just clean the place if it's bothering you so much?"

"I think I will," Ashton said. He grabbed a half-eaten apple off the counter with a disgusted look and tossed it in the garbage. "I bet there's expired milk in your fridge or something." Luke didn't answer and Ashton pulled open the refrigerator. "Yup," he confirmed. 

"You're the one that wanted to come to my place," Luke reminded as Ashton returned to his spot next to Luke on the couch, "so you can't really complain."

"Yes I can," Ashton said. He leaned against Luke and peered over at the paper he was writing. "We came here so you could get your homework done, and you're not even doing it."

"Yes I am!" Luke gestured to the paragraphs of text he'd jotted down in his notebook. "What's all that, then?"

"You spelled 'importance' wrong," Ashton pointed at the faintly-legible word on the page and Luke hurriedly erased it. 

"It's because you won't stop talking," Luke protested and Ashton let out a laugh.

"Am I distracting you?" Ashton joked. "That's cute."

Ashton brought his attention back to the talk show on the screen, giving Luke a moment of silence for him to actually do his work. A few minutes went by and when Ashton decided the program on TV was too boring for his liking, he leaned over the edge of the couch to retrieve something. Shuffling through his bag on the floor, he pulled out the camera he was looking for and placed the strap around his neck carefully in hopes of not distracting Luke from his study zone.

Luke was chewing on the eraser of his pencil while his eyes scanned down on the scribbles of text he'd written on his paper. It was pretty ironic that he was doing a writing assignment about math considering he hated both subjects individually and mixing the two topics only jumbled his brain even more.

There was the quiet sound of a shutter clicking and Luke's attention snapped away from his homework. "What was—  _no_." Luke reached over for the camera in Ashton's hands and Ashton held the camera away. Luke had completely forgotten that Ashton was a part-time photographer. "Delete it," Luke hissed.

"But you look cute," Ashton insisted. The textbook and papers on Luke's lap slid to the floor as he fell over Ashton's lap, hands grabbing at the camera.

"Can I see it then?" Luke said with his arms still reaching out.

Ashton laughed, looking down at the blonde boy sprawled across his lap. "No, you'll delete it. I know how that game works, Hemmings." 

"Why are you taking pictures of me, anyway? That's creepy." 

"We fucked last night," Ashton reminded. "I'm pretty sure we're close enough for me to be able to take pictures of you without it being creepy." 

"It's still pretty creepy." Luke sat back with a defeated sigh and gathered his homework off the floor. "I don't take creepy pictures of you."

"They're not creepy!" Ashton said. "Maybe I was taking a picture of the couch and you just happened to be in it."

Luke looked at Ashton and raised his eyebrows questioningly, forcing Ashton to burst into a fit of laughter that Luke didn't find funny.

He sloppily scrawled down the last few sentences of his conclusion as Ashton played around with the settings on his camera until finally Luke closed his textbook and set it down on the table in front of them in relief.

"There's no way you're finished," Ashton stated. He stuffed his camera in his bag and zipped it up. "Let me read it." He pulled the notebook out from under the textbook and sat back to read the essay. "Sentence fragment," Ashton said a few seconds later. "Comma splice there, that word's spelled wrong, unnecessary comma use, I have no idea what that says, and another sentence fragment at the end of the first paragraph." He closed the spiral notebook and tossed it on top of the textbook. "You freshmen are so funny." 

"It's a rough draft," Luke mumbled. 

"Yeah but your rough draft's shitty, bro," Ashton said. "But it's fine because you're cute and I kind of like you, so."

"Don't call me 'bro'," Luke whined. "It's weird because we make out sometimes."

"Like now," Ashton giggled and leaned over to press their lips together. 

\---

The last two weeks of February whizzed by in a blur of unnecessary school projects and slow nights at the music store. The weather outside was transitioning from its desperately cold temperature into a flurry of rain and the muffled signs of a coming spring. Apparently Calum and Michael had been so out of it at Niall's party that they never got around to asking Luke why he'd disappeared that night, but Luke was glad for that. He wasn't sure if he could even come up with an appropriate lie, and he wasn't willing to find out.

Luke was eternally grateful for his free one-hour block after lunch, giving him just the time he needed to finish up his homework before it became a problem. As the school-year went on, Luke learned how to freely manage school and work to the point where it wasn't a stressful circus act anymore. He and Ashton still ignored each other in public, but because Luke was usually able to finish all of his homework during his free period, he would sometimes spend nights over at Ashton's house. They'd both agreed that there would only be sex on the weekends and Luke was fine with that because he knew there was no way he would have nearly enough energy in the middle of the week.

There was something about Ashton that set Luke's mind off, though, and he wasn't quite sure what. Getting lost in the late-night texts and early-morning cuddles, Luke thought that maybe, just maybe, he was in love with Ashton. 

He knew it was stupid and ignorant because they'd only known each other for less than a year and there was no way it could be true. But all his thoughts about Ashton somehow traced back to that thought that he loved him.

Luke still hadn't come to terms with his sexuality; at this point he liked to define it as "not straight," and that was good enough for him. 

Michael had started dating some girl he'd met at the mall and Calum spent a large chunk of his time whining about how lonely he was even though he'd had several hookups since the new year started. Luke would pretend he was lonely too and would join Calum so they could whine together, but Calum would always glare at him in annoyance because he knew the truth. 

Luke thought about telling Michael the truth several times, but each time he only procrastinated more, promising that he would spill his secrets next time. Most of all, he wasn't sure how he was supposed to say it. 'Oh hey bro I'm hooking up with that guy I hate' sounded too blatant, but as of right now it was all his brain could think of. So he decided to just not say anything at all.

It was the first weekend of March, and Luke was at Ashton's house after work watching some cheesy chick-flick Ashton wouldn't shut up about. The lights in the house were all turned off and the two of them were snuggled together under a blanket with their eyes glued on the screen while Luke made joking commentary every few minutes about how pathetic the main characters were. 

"Isn't it beautiful?" Ashton whispered as the two main characters kissed on the screen. "Young love."

"But he likes her sister," Luke demanded. "He's only kissing her so he can get with her sister. How is that cute?"

"Because eventually he'll realize that he was never in love with her sister, that he was always in love with her. It would be a lot cuter if you didn't ruin it." Ashton jabbed his elbow into Luke's ribs. 

"I still think we should've watched World War Z," Luke complained. "Brad Pitt looks so good in it."

"But this is cute," Ashton remarked. "Zombies aren't cute, bro." 

"I said stop calling me 'bro'," Luke whined. "It's weird to love someone who calls you 'bro'. And Brad Pitt's cute, too." 

Ashton wriggled his arm out from under the blanket and paused the movie. "What was that?"

"Brad Pitt's cute?" Luke repeated questioningly. "Even when he's fighting off zombies."

"N—no, before that." 

"Stop calling me 'bro' because it's weird to make out with someone who calls you that?" Luke asked. 

"Yeah," Ashton nodded. "But you said it differently." 

Luke thought back. "It's weird to love—"  _Oh_. He cut himself off when he realized that he'd let it slip— he'd just told Ashton that he loved him.


	17. happy spring break

_"I still think we should've watched World War Z," Luke complained. "Brad Pitt looks so good in it."_

_"But this is cute," Ashton remarked. "Zombies aren't cute, bro."_

_"I said stop calling me 'bro'," Luke whined. "It's weird to love someone who calls you 'bro'. And Brad Pitt's cute, too."_

_Ashton wriggled his arm out from under the blanket and paused the movie. "What was that?"_

_"Brad Pitt's cute?" Luke repeated questioningly. "Even when he's fighting off zombies."_

_"N—no, before that."_

_"Stop calling me 'bro' because it's weird to make out with someone who calls you that?" Luke asked._

_"Yeah," Ashton nodded. "But you said it differently."_

_Luke thought back. "It's weird to love—" Oh. He cut himself off when he realized that he'd let it slip— he'd just told Ashton that he loved him._

"I didn't—I didn't mean to say that," Luke said quietly. 

A few seconds of silence ticked by before Ashton simply responded, "Oh. Okay." Luke wasn't sure if that was a positive reaction or not and he clenched his jaw nervously. "I'm not sure if I'm, like, ready for that?" Ashton continued. "Aren't we a bit young?"

The words cut through Luke's head like a thousand knives and he felt his heart sink. "Okay, I used the wrong word," he said, "but—I don't really know how to say this—but, you do mean a lot to me."

Ashton looked away and reached forward for the remote. "We should, uh, go back to the movie."

Before Luke could answer, Ashton had already hit play on the movie, and so he simply turned back to the screen. They spent the rest of the movie in an awkward frame of silence and suddenly being pressed up against Ashton didn't feel so comforting anymore. Luke's mind was running haywire and the events unfolding on the screen failed to register in his train of thought because,  _God_ , how did he always manage to say the stupidest things at the stupidest times? 

When the end credits began rolling, Luke pulled his phone out of his pocket to check the time. "I should probably leave." 

"Look," Ashton said, and he shut the TV off and reached over to turn on one of the lamps. The sudden brightness made Luke feel vulnerable. "I'm not saying you don't mean anything to me, I'm just saying that whatever we're doing, I like to think we're doing it for fun," Ashton clarified.

"Oh." Luke bit his lip and momentarily broke eye contact. "So all of this is just for you to pass the time, then?" Luke didn't mean for it to sound rude, but Ashton's words were piercing to him.

"No," Ashton responded. "I'm just not sure if we should be taking things seriously. I've been with a lot of people in college"—Luke scoffed—"and none of them really talked about taking things further."

Luke stared at Ashton in silence and he swallowed nervously. "Everything between us is just for fun, then?" Luke turned away before continuing. "Like that night at Niall's party— that was just for fun, right?"

"Yeah," Ashton replied, except there was something in his voice that hinted at a bit of uneasiness, like he knew it was the true answer but he wasn't sure if it was the right one.

"Okay, well, what would you say if I told you that I disagree with that?" Luke asked.

"Luke, you're a freshman, you have a lot to learn." 

"Just because I'm a freshman doesn't mean I'm stupid," Luke shot back. "I watch these stupid movies with you because you mean something to me. I sleep over at your place because you mean something to me. I study with you and talk to you because you mean something to me. Ashton, I've told you things I've never even told Calum, and I tell Calum everything."

"Luke, if you want to keep on fighting about this, then we can." 

"I don't want to fight about this," Luke snapped. He got off the couch and began collecting his things. "I'm going now." 

Ashton didn't say anything, didn't even try to stop Luke from leaving, and that stung a little bit— only giving Luke more reason to leave.

\---

Studying for his upcoming exams was unusually easy for Luke; possibly because his phone was so quiet. Ashton had made no effort to contact Luke since the night before and he wasn't sure how he felt about that. 

When Luke's phone buzzed in the middle of his Calculus studies, a tiny part in the back of his mind hoped it was from Ashton, but when he lifted up his phone to see Calum's name instead, he was sure that he felt something inside him die. 

Luke made an extra effort that week to appear more cheerful than normal. He figured that if he was always smiling then no one could ever figure there was something wrong, and so far it seemed to be working. Michael spent most of lunch rambling on about his girlfriend, and Calum spent the remaining time complaining about a football match. Luke would jump in occasionally to make some sort of sarcastic joke and neither of them seemed to notice there was anything out of the ordinary. 

The problem was that in between all the false smiles and unspoken words, Luke felt incomplete. He tried his hardest to shove all thoughts of Ashton to the end of his list of priorities, but he had no luck. It was weird not talking to Ashton, and Luke wasn't sure how long that was going to last. He wanted to talk to Ashton but he wasn't sure if Ashton wanted to talk to him. So he didn't say anything at all.

Instead he spent long, sleepless nights thinking about nothing except for  _AshtonAshtonAshton,_ and it was draining him. Luke's mind kept replaying the conversation with Ashton over and over in his head, thinking about what he could've said differently, and he needed some sort of relief from that endless cycle.

So when Calum told him that someone was having a party after exam week to kick off Spring Break, of course Luke wanted to go. He needed to get his mind off of Ashton and going to a party seemed helping. 

Except this time Luke promised to get drunk. And if this party was anything like the last party he went to, there would certainly be alcohol there. He promised himself that he would take as many shots of alcohol that were needed to get his mind to forget about Ashton. And taking one step into the party, Luke knew he was in luck.

If Niall's party was on the crazy side, then this party was definitely there too. There were people making out on the balconies and on countertops and tables, and there was garbage strewn across the floor. Everyone was so crammed into the house that the group just turned into one giant mob of people dancing to the music and getting extremely drunk. Happy Spring Break.

It didn't take Luke long to find Calum, and once he did, Calum spent the rest of his time following Luke around in his drunken stupor. Luke knew that Michael was somewhere in the house, and he hadn't seen Ashton, which was good. He recognized a few familiar faces from the last party, though he still couldn't place a name on all of them.

Hell, Luke barely even knew the host. His name was Louis, he knew. Louis was a few years older than him and had a boyfriend, and that was all Luke could place about him. 

When girls ran up to him with glasses of alcohol, Luke took each and every one of them even though he despised the taste. After a few drinks, he was beginning to feel his thoughts cloud up a bit, and that was exactly what he needed. He needed to forget about Ashton and he needed to forget about the fight and all his problems, and alcohol seemed to do the job. 

Luke wasn't sure exactly how it happened, but at one point he ended up seated on the floor taking part in a game of Spin the Bottle. He had reached the point where his body had consumed so much alcohol that anything and everything was funny to him and he found himself laughing every few seconds. There was whooping and hollering after each spin and Luke was so out of it that he barely registered when it was his turn.

He hazily leaned forward to spin the empty beer bottle and when it landed on the person sitting next to him, Luke's head was too numb to go into shock like it should have, because that person happened to be Michael. 

He turned to face his friend, who seemed to be equally as drunk as Luke, and they exchanged a confused look.

"Hey," Michael slurred. "We should just get it over with, yeah? It's just a kiss." 

Luke nodded slightly in response and then leaned over to press their lips together hesitantly; but neither of them broke the kiss and instead Michael only deepened it. The two of them fell to the ground with their lips moving in sync and the rest of the group cheering them on. Luke could taste the alcohol on Michael's breath and someone shouted at them to get a room but they made no effort to move from their spot on the floor.

Luke wasn't sure how long they kissed or why they even kept on kissing. He figured it was because neither of them really cared and could be bothered to stop. At one point someone dumped a splash of alcohol on them and the two of them broke apart momentarily for Michael to flip the person off, but then he pulled Luke back down and they kept on kissing.

He knew it was wrong. He knew that he would regret it in the morning. But no matter how much Luke wanted to stop, he couldn't. The alcohol had completely taken over his system and seemed to be set on having him make out with his best friend, and so that's what Luke did.

\---

The first thing Luke did when he woke up the next morning was make a beeline straight toward Louis' bathroom so his stomach could empty its contents. His shaky arms braced the edges of the toilet and he threw up for several minutes. Luke had never had a hangover before and he was beginning to realize that he hoped to never have one again.

"You should leave, mate." 

Luke painfully twisted his head around to see someone—he assumed it was Louis—standing in the doorway. 

"I'm sorry," Luke said before another wave of nausea hit him. Once his breathing had calmed down he turned back around. "I'm so sorry," he apologized again. Louis was smirking at him. "I'm not usually like this, I swear."

"You might need a lot of aspirin for that headache I'm assuming you have," Louis advised before walking away.

Luke flushed the toilet and collapsed onto the bathroom floor, trying to get his heart-rate to settle down. His head was pounding and his throat felt horrifyingly dehydrated, and Louis was right about the headache, so he made a mental note to find some aspirin later.

He stumbled onto his legs and, leaning against the walls, slowly made his way out of the bathroom. The sunlight pouring in from the windows was alarmingly bright and he noticed that the place was an utter mess. There were alcohol stains and shattered glass and deflated balloons all over the house and Luke didn't even remember there being balloons at the party. 

Luke lazily flopped onto the couch and scrolled through his phone contacts because there was no way he was driving himself home. 

He called Calum and was immediately sent over to voicemail, meaning that wherever Calum was, he had his phone shut off. Letting out an exasperated groan, he called Michael and was, after a few rings, redirected to voicemail as well. This meant that his only option was to call Ashton. If his mind was thinking clearly, he never would've even considered it, but he was feeling a little desperate and his thoughts were still a little jumbled from last night, so he did it. 

There were a few rings and then a clicking sound followed by a voice. "Hello?"

"Hey, Ashton." Luke tried to sound happy and sober but he knew it was a failure. "Where are you?"

"At home, why?"

"Could you help me really quickly?" Luke asked. "I need you to—" Luke paused because of a sudden, overwhelmingly sharp pain to his head, "I need you to pick me up."

"Why do you sound like you're dying?" 

"I  _feel_ like I'm dying," Luke remarked. "Please, just, I'm at Louis' house." 

"Fuck, you were at the party," Ashton said. "And I'm guessing you're hungover." 

"You might be right," Luke said, and Ashton let out a groan. "Please, Ashton."

Luke could hear the hesitancy in Ashton's voice when he replied, "Okay, just give me ten minutes."


	18. do you ever hate being tall?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi you guys are the best :) Here's the next update yay

Luke reassured Louis that he would be back later for his car, and then stumbled outside and over to Ashton's vehicle. The glowing sun was almost threatening to his health—or at least that's what Luke figured—and it was a miracle that he was able to make it over to Ashton's car without tripping and breaking anything. 

He clumsily pulled open the door and flopped down onto the seat, earning a disgusted look from Ashton.

"Classy," Ashton remarked as Luke clumsily shut the door. Luke groaned and shot Ashton a weak glare before his head fell against the window. "My place or yours?" Ashton asked as he turned the engine on.

"Yours," Luke said. He ran his fingers through his hair lazily. "I need you to take me back for my car later. When I'm not feeling like death." 

"Yeah, you're welcome, Mr. Hemmings," Ashton mocked, pulling away from the curb. "Next time I'll bring a limo and we can go to Hollywood and you can live in a mansion. Didn't know I was your chauffeur."

"Jesus, you're bitter," Luke noted.

They spent the rest of the car-ride in silence, but Luke didn't mind; he was too busy using every ounce of his energy to restrain from throwing up on the dashboard. 

Ashton luckily had aspirin at his house and Luke ended up spending his afternoon recovering on the couch, occasionally heading to the bathroom to throw up. His head was throbbing and he felt like slipping in a coma would've been a kinder punishment, but he could only dream. The amount of alcohol he'd consumed the night before wasn't apparent to him until now.

Ashton was off in another room doing whatever the fuck Ashton did on the weekends, and Luke, who was spread out on the couch weakly, studied the ceiling above him. The room was dark since Luke had begged Ashton to shut all the blinds earlier, and Luke could feel impending hunger. But he knew he wouldn't be able to eat; he would just throw it all back up. So he lay there, trying desperately—and failing—to fall asleep.

Luke wasn't sure how much time passed when Ashton came into the room. A few hours, probably. In the end, it didn't really matter, because Luke still felt like shit. 

"Move over," Ashton ordered dryly. Luke slowly sat up and scooted off to one side of the couch, allowing Ashton to take a seat next to him. Luke feebly leaned against the armrest, waiting for Ashton to turn on the television, but he didn't. "You feeling any better?" Ashton finally asked.

"No," Luke said truthfully. "But, uh, thanks." He turned to meet Ashton's eyes. "For picking me up and answering your phone and stuff."

Ashton simply nodded before nosediving into another topic. "When did you want me to take you back to Louis'?" 

Luke's heart sank. Of course that was all Ashton wanted— to get Luke to leave. It was understandable, though; they still weren't on very good terms after last week. 

"Now, I guess," Luke lied. "Don't want it to get too late." 

\---

Luke's Spring Break was the loneliest week of his life; he was certain of that. He never truly realized how much time he'd spent with Ashton until they weren't together anymore, and to make up for the copious amount of free-time, Luke ended up volunteering to work longer hours at the music store. Eric didn't mind, of course; he enjoyed the company and Luke could use the money. 

But when Luke wasn't working, he was trying to keep himself busy by sulking in his apartment, watching old TV show re-runs on his cheap television. He'd done all his homework and revised it twice, and he'd even worked on extra credit. He'd texted family back home, but the conversations were weak and forced, and that didn't last him more than half an hour. That resorted to him texting Calum and Michael, but it took Michael minutes on end to respond because he was also trying to play video games at the same time, and Calum just didn't answer for unknown reasons.

Luke had been so bored that he actually,  _finally_ , went out to the store and picked up a new stereo. He'd plugged it into the wall next to the television and so now he was able to blast Green Day while studying. And, really, that was the only productive thing he did when he wasn't working.

Pathetic. Luke thought his life was pathetic.

So when school started back up the following Monday, he was anticipating it far more than anyone else was. But then lunchtime came around, and that was when things started heading south. 

"So, my girlfriend hates me," Michael said as he took a seat across from Luke at the table. They were eating outside since the sun had finally peaked its way out, after rain had pelted them for weeks. "And I'm hoping you don't hate me too," Michael continued. "She found out about the party, of course, and no matter how many times I reassured her that I would never hook up with you, she still won't talk to me."

"Wow, you wouldn't hook up with me?" Luke asked, feigning hurt. "I'm offended." 

"No one wants to hook up with you, Luke," Michael teased, stabbing the mashed potatoes on his plate with a spoon. "I wanted to text you about what happened at the party but I didn't know how to say it, so, we should talk about that now, I guess." 

"What's there to talk about?" Luke said. "It was just a drunken thing."

"Yeah, but I just wanted to say that I don't like you in  _that_ way," Michael clarified. "I was drunk; I fucked up. Didn't want to get your hopes up." 

"It's okay, you didn't," Luke said with a smirk. Calum came over and took a seat next to him, completely oblivious to what they were talking about, and burst into conversation about the new CDs he'd bought over the break. So that was the end of that, and Luke was glad. He could only pray that Ashton hadn't caught on about what happened at the party.

But Luke was reassured otherwise when he had his free-time after lunch. He was working on homework in the library, like he always did, when Ashton walked into the room and caught his attention. Luke looked away quickly, pretending that his stomach hadn't flipped when he saw him, and continued finishing his homework. But Ashton came over to the round table Luke was seated at and dumped his binder down on the table, taking a seat across from Luke. Luke's gaze flickered up from his work.

"Hi," Ashton said.

"Why are you here?" Luke questioned. 

"Finished my Chemistry test early. Professor said I could go to the library to work on homework if I wanted." Ashton paused and Luke bit his lip nervously, searching Ashton's face for some kind of emotion, but failing to register any. "I heard about the party." Luke clenched his jaw nervously and his grip tightened on the pencil in his hand. Those were the words he was dreading to hear. "Is it true?" Ashton continued.

Luke thought for a second, considering what would happen if he lied. But he didn't. He didn't want to dig himself into a deeper hole.

"We were drunk," he said slowly, and Ashton simply nodded and got up from his seat, collecting his things. Luke was about to say more, but Ashton had already left, and he let out a sigh, forcing himself to finish his homework. He couldn't afford to spend time sulking about Ashton, he just couldn't.

\---

Luke wasn't sure exactly when his life turned into a train wreck, but he knew that it probably coincided with the day he met Ashton. It had become clear to him that Ashton didn't want to talk to him anymore after finding out about what happened between him and Michael, and at first Luke was fine with that. If Ashton wanted to ignore him, then he wasn't going to whine about it.

But nothing pissed Luke off more than the happy smile Ashton wore every day. One week went by and then another passed too, but Ashton's smile hadn't even faltered once. It seemed that he was always happy, despite the fact that he and Luke hadn't said a single word to each other since the day in the library, and it was killing Luke inside. 

Luke wanted things to go back to the way they were in February— back when he and Ashton were on good terms. But Luke made no effort to change things, because he figured that if Ashton wanted that too, then he would be the first to speak up. Anyway, he'd always been the first to take action in the past, like the time when they ended up failing their Physics final together by making out in the bathroom instead of fixing their car. Ashton was always the one that started it, and Luke wasn't about to change that.

But April was already halfway over and Ashton still walked around like he was on cloud nine. And Luke's frustration only continued to increase.

The worst was when he and Ashton would accidentally make eye contact in the middle of class. Ashton would look away instantly and spark a conversation with the person next to him, whereas usually his gaze would linger for a few seconds. It made Luke feel like something inside him was being taken away, because, apparently, the only thing that mattered to him right now was Ashton, and the fact that he would still catch Ashton staring at him made his heart skip a beat.

The professor had left the room to retrieve copies of an assignment for the students, leaving the class to socialize. Calum pulled out his phone and began tapping away, and Luke got up from his seat to briefly sharpen his pencil because, yes, he was one of those people that still used the old wooden pencils. 

Unfortunately, on his way back to his seat, he ended up clumsily tripping over the table in front of him and falling into his seat with a loud thud. Stupid long legs. Calum burst out laughing and a few other students looked over.

"Hey, Luke?" Luke turned around to face the blonde girl seated behind him with a smile on her face. He supposed it was refreshing to see that his failures brought people amusement. "Do you ever hate being tall?" she asked.

Luke pondered the question for a moment before replying in an unsure tone, "I don't think so?"

Luke could feel Ashton's gaze lingering on him from a few seats over, though he made no effort to return the eye contact. 

"He's kind of like a giraffe," Calum threw in jokingly. A few girls seated around them began giggling. 

"Do your legs go over the edge of the bed when you sleep?" another girl asked, and Luke swallowed nervously, because he knew he wasn't the only one in the room that knew the answer to that. 

"Um, yeah," he said hesitantly, flashing an uncomfortable smile. The blonde girl smiled brightly back at him and Luke wasn't sure if she was trying to get him to notice her or not. Because he  _did_ notice her. And she was hot.

"Sometimes his head hits the ceiling," Calum joked, earning more giggles from the girls, and Luke scowled at him. "It's why he has bad posture; he's always ducking. And ceiling fans are hazardous to him."

"That's not true," Luke blushed and told the girls, who were still laughing quietly.

Calum shrugged. "No, but you still have bad posture." He twisted back in his seat to face the girls. "One time I was at his place and he ran into—" 

"Stop picking on Luke." 

Luke's gaze shifted away from Calum and he finally locked his eyes with Ashton's. The group fell silent as they all suddenly turned to look him. Luke wasn't sure how long Ashton had been watching them, and he was shocked to hear Ashton say anything at all. 

"You're picking on Luke," Ashton repeated before looking away. 

Calum turned back around and shot Luke a questioning look. The truth was that Luke was just as confused as Calum was, so he simply shrugged in response. Luke wanted to say something to Ashton, but he didn't know what to say, and it probably wasn't the appropriate time and place to say it. It was the first time Ashton had even acknowledged Luke since what happened at the party, and Luke's brain was scattered with questions. Why did Ashton ignore his texts? Was Ashton still mad at him? Why was Ashton sticking up for him?

So, at the end of the day, Luke noticed Ashton in the parking lot after classes. The sun was setting and the cold night air was beginning to settle in, but Luke promised to make it quick and he called out Ashton's name before hurrying over. Ashton craned his neck back in confusion when he heard Luke's voice.

"What was that about?" Luke asked. "In music class." He had been thinking about it all day and his mind had reached no logical conclusion. He knew he could've just texted Ashton but, if Ashton was following his own pattern, Luke probably wouldn't get a response. And now was his chance to ask him personally.

"I don't know," Ashton said quietly. He opened up the back door of his Prius and tossed his bag in. "They were making fun of you, so I told them to stop," he explained, as if it was the obvious answer.

"Are you still mad at me?" Luke asked, lowering his tone. "You haven't been answering my texts." Ashton closed the door and leaned against his car, taking in a deep breath.

"I was never mad at you," he responded. "I was  _annoyed_ at you. But I've gotten over it." Luke wasn't sure what Ashton meant by that.

"So then why don't we talk anymore?" Luke said, meeting Ashton's gaze nervously. 

"I don't— I don't know." Ashton pulled his beanie down tighter over his head. "I've been trying to distance myself from you, I guess."

Luke furrowed his brow. "Why's that?" 

"Because—" Ashton paused, the words getting caught in his throat. There was a short stretch of silence and Luke could see the gears in Ashton's head working. He looked away, refusing to make eye contact, and cleared his throat before continuing, "Because I have a girlfriend." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, the part about Ashton sticking up for Luke is actually something from their Vodaphone Big Top 40 interview and I thought it was really cuteeee :)


	19. tell me about the weather

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooorrrryyyy it took me forever to update this, the last two weeks have been a non-stop rollercoaster ride of stress for me. But here's the next update thanks so much for all your comments! :)

Luke knocked on Calum's door three times before resting his head against it and lazily moaning out, " _Caluuuum_." There was a muffled  _what the hell_ from the other side followed by the shuffling sound of quiet footsteps. The door suddenly swung open, catching Luke off guard. He grabbed the edges of the door-frame, narrowly saving himself from falling into his friend's arms.

"Luke?" Calum looked bewildered and groggy. It was a Sunday morning and Calum's hair was ruffled up, indicating that he had only recently gotten out of bed. Luke let out a groan, and pushed his way past and into Calum's apartment. "Luke?" Calum repeated. Luke flopped down on the couch and let out another groan with his face buried in his hands. "What are you doing?" Calum asked.

"Whining about my life," Luke answered. Calum grabbed one of the couch cushions and hit Luke with it, urging him to scoot over. "I'm sorry, Calum, I'm so sorry. But I need someone to talk to and you're the only one that knows what's going on so please, please,  _please_ listen. I think I'm going crazy." 

"No, go ahead," Calum persisted, scooting closer so he could wrap his arm around Luke's shoulder. "I'm listening. Go slow though; I just woke up like five minutes ago and I dropped my phone in the toilet because it's early."

"It's twelve o'clock."

"Early," Calum insisted. "And now I have to get a new phone. But, please, tell me about your problems." 

Luke took a deep breath. "It's Ashton," he said quietly. Calum turned to look over at Luke, who looked like he was about to have some sort of mental breakdown. "He has—he told me that he has a girlfriend."

Calum pulled Luke closer. "I'm sorry, bro. When did he tell you this?"

"A few days ago I think," Luke said shakily. "I hate myself," he blurted out.

"No you don't," Calum said with a small smile. "He's just one person. You'll meet someone else."

"I don't think so," Luke said with a sigh. He turned to look at Calum, who suddenly noticed the sadness and confusion swimming in his friend's eyes. "I've tried. I was—I don't find anyone else attractive except for him."

"Not even Mila Kunis?" Calum asked.

"Not even Mila Kunis," Luke confirmed. "I can't get myself to like any girls—or boys—because I can't stop liking Ashton. That doesn't even sound healthy, does it? It can't be healthy. Fuck, Calum, what do I do?"

Calum took a deep breath. "Well, I mean—it's not like you guys slept together, so that's good right?"

Luke let out a sarcastic laugh. "That reminds me," he said. "There's something else I have to tell you." 

"Are you serious?" Luke bit his lip nervously in response. "Okay, never mind, then." Calum looked away and furrowed his brow in confusion. "I don't know what to say," he admitted. If Luke wasn't in a mental state of collapse, Calum would've congratulated him for getting laid, but he knew that wasn't the right thing to say at the moment.

"It's fine," Luke said, running his fingers through his messy hair in frustration. "It's just—I don't even know what I am," Luke whined. "I don't think I'm straight but I'm not gay either. Ashton's the only person I'm attracted to."

"Maybe you're Ashton-sexual," Calum suggested with a grin, and Luke punched him in the shoulder, muttering something about how it wasn't funny. "Anyway, have you even seen his girlfriend?" Calum asked.

"No, but I bet she's hot if she managed to get Ashton Irwin." 

"You managed to get Ashton Irwin too," Calum pointed out.

Luke frowned. "Are you saying I'm hot?"

"Not...exactly." There was a moment of silence. "You should talk to him," Calum finally suggested.

"He doesn't answer," Luke said.

"Talk to him  _in person_ ," Calum clarified. He got up from his seat and headed over to the kitchen. "Tell him you want to be friends." Luke followed him into the kitchen blankly and leaned against the granite countertop, watching Calum rummage for food. 

"But I don't think he wants to be friends."

"You don't know that," Calum remarked. "Listen— _fuck_ —" Calum swore when he pulled open the fridge and saw it was empty "—no, don't listen to that. I mean, just talk to him. Ashton's an ass but I'm pretty sure he's not  _that much_ of an ass. It'll work, dude; just speak to him." Calum pulled a box of cornflakes out of one of the cupboards and set it on the counter next to Luke. "Also, does Mikey know?" 

"No, that's why I came to you," Luke said as Calum took out a bowl and began pouring the cereal into it. "I don't know how to tell him."

"Do it the same way as you told me," Calum said. 

"I didn't tell you," Luke said, with slight annoyance in his tone.

"Oh, right, oops." Calum flashed a smile and turned to put the cereal box back in the cupboard. "Okay, then, pretend I'm Michael and tell me right now." 

"I wouldn't tell you," Luke said with a mischievous smile, and Calum sighed. 

"You're a lost cause," he stated, picking a piece of cereal and flicking it at Luke's face. "Now go talk to Ashton before I have to do it for you."

Luke finally nodded, and then asked, "Are you eating dry cereal?"

Calum turned to stare longingly at the fridge and then back to Luke with a look of sadness etched in his eyes. "I'm out of milk."

\---

Luke's eyes shot open at 10 a.m. when he suddenly realized that his alarm hadn't gone off. As if he needed any more stress piled on, he had now missed one class and was on the verge of missing two if he didn't get up soon. Muttering obscenities as he got ready, Luke knew he probably looked half-dead when he scurried out of his apartment in a rush. The rush-hour traffic had already passed, which he considered to be a good thing until he remembered that he was supposed to be part of that rush-hour traffic. 

He quickly walked to his class (running would make him look stupid, and even though he was late for class, he still needed to keep his dignity) and suddenly came to a halt in front of the door. Luke took a deep breath and shakily fixed his hair and clothes while trying to get himself to calm down. People missed classes every day, but Luke couldn't stand it. Missing one day resulted in a mountain of homework that he always failed to catch up on, and it drove him insane. 

Luke gently twisted open the knob to be greeted with sudden stares from the students. The professor looked over at Luke before turning back to the board and rambling on about another formula. Luke's eyes roamed the classroom and when he saw that his usual seat was taken, he mentally cursed out the pudgy boy sitting there. The kid barely looked like he knew how to hold a pencil properly and Luke really didn't think he was deserving of stealing his seat, but that wasn't even the worst part.

The worst part was that the only seat left was next to Ashton, at a two-person table. The girl that usually sat next to him must've been absent. Luke's eyes scanned the room frantically because there  _had_ to be another seat. But there wasn't, and so he nervously made his way over to where Ashton was seated in the back of the room. 

Ashton glanced up from his notes and watched Luke take the seat next to him with an expressionless stare. Luke noticed Ashton open his mouth to say something, but the older boy stopped himself quickly and shook his head, leaving Luke wondering what he was going to say.

When the professor wrote the assignment on the board, students began shuffling around for their books and calculators and the room was filled with quiet chatter. Luke and Ashton worked on the assignment with calm silence between them, until finally Ashton spoke up.

"Why were you late?" he asked, obviously as a dull conversation-starter. Luke felt uneasy and awkward when he shouldn't have. 

"My alarm didn't go off," Luke answered, and there was another stretch of silence. "How are you and your girlfriend doing?" Luke asked after a moment.

Ashton sighed. "Is that what this is going to be about? I told you about her last week; is that all you've been thinking about?"

Luke winced at Ashton's words and flipped the page of his notebook a little too harshly. "Why are you so sensitive?" Luke hissed. "It was just a question." Luke looked up from his assignment and met Ashton's eyes. His breath hitched in his throat. Ashton's eyes—he'd forgotten how pretty they were. They were an endless pool of curiosity and happiness that seemed to fill him with a strange mixture of nervousness and bliss when he looked into them. He'd forgotten what it felt like to stare into them and feel the rush of calmness and serenity flow through him. He'd forgotten what it felt like to get lost in them.

Luke was suddenly hit with an overwhelming rush of awareness. He and Ashton were only inches away, the closest they'd been to each other in three weeks. With such a small amount of space between them, Luke could do anything right then.

He swallowed nervously and his gaze briefly flickered down to Ashton's lips before he could stop himself. He wondered how Ashton's lips tasted. Did they taste the same they did three weeks ago, or would Luke be able to trace back a hint of lip gloss left over from his girlfriend? Ashton's jaw dropped a little when he caught him staring, and Luke turned away quickly, mentally slapping himself for being so ignorant. He pointed at a problem in the book and copied it down in an effort to sidetrack himself from the thoughts of Ashton running through his mind. But Luke could still feel Ashton's gaze centered on him, which did nothing to help. 

"We broke up," Ashton finally said quietly. "She said that you stared at me too much." Luke's pencil froze but his gaze remained on his paper, on the messy numbers scrawled across the page. "She didn't like that," Ashton continued. "She said—she said that you obviously hadn't gotten over me yet."

The two of them barely even noticed when the rest of the students began collecting their work and leaving the room. Luke remembered what Calum said—that all he needed to do was talk to Ashton. And he was almost there. The opportunity to talk to Ashton was sitting right in front of him on a silver platter. But Luke had to leave because he had another lecture to get to, and as much as he wanted to talk to Ashton, he would have to wait. He made a mental note to find him sometime later in the day before leaving the class.

Except Luke didn't need to find Ashton because Ashton found him instead. Luke was pulling books out of shelves in the library during his free hour when someone came around the corner to join him.

"What are you doing?" Ashton asked, leaning against the shelf with one arm.

"I have to do a research project about the bombing of Hiroshima," Luke responded bluntly, pulling a dusty book off the shelf and dropping it on the stack he'd accumulated on the floor.

"I'm surprised you're using actual physical books," Ashton stated, looking down at the heap of hardbacks. "I know a lot of people would prefer the internet."

"I would prefer to use the internet too," Luke said. "But we're not allowed to use the internet, so I'm doing what I can." 

Ashton winced. "No internet," he repeated. "That sounds a little harsh." 

Luke pulled another book out from the shelf. "Why are you here?" he asked as his fingers traced over the book's battered spine.

"Remember that test I finished early the other day? The rest of the class failed it and the professor's ratting them out right now. She said I could go to the library to work on other things if I needed to. So here I am."

"Yeah," Luke said. "That's great." He closed the book and tossed it onto the pile. "Since you're here, we should, um, we should talk." 

"Okay."

"Because I don't like how this thing is working out." Luke paused for a moment, collecting his thoughts. "I want to be friends," he said. He looked up to meet Ashton's eyes. "Do you want to be friends?"

Ashton smiled a little, which was already a better reaction than Luke was hoping for. "Yeah. I like that idea." 

With the bookshelves being spaced so close to each other, it made the gap between Luke and Ashton feel like it was less than it actually was. Luke, with his eyes locked on Ashton's, felt like the two of them were the only ones there. He felt like nothing else really mattered except for Ashton. 

It took Luke an overwhelming effort to break their eye contact, and he focused on the stack of books next to his feet instead, trying to hide the fact that his cheeks were turning red. "Next thing," he said shakily. "I'm sorry." Ashton didn't say anything and Luke felt a little sick. His mind backtracked for a moment and he almost stopped himself from continuing, but then the words came pouring out and he couldn't stop them. "I'm sorry for saying—the thing I said, and I'm sorry for getting insanely drunk and I'm sorry for cheating on you. I'm sorry for coming to you when I was hungover. I'm sorry for screwing everything up because that's all I'm good at."

There were a few stiff seconds of silence when Luke looked up to meet Ashton's eyes, and at first he was scared. But then Ashton smiled and reached forward to pull Luke into a sudden hug. At first Luke's muscles tensed up at the contact, but then he sunk into the embrace and breathed in Ashton's scent, feeling like all the broken pieces in his life were getting glued back together. Ashton's touch was gentle and careful and Luke could feel his problems washing away, just by finally holding the one person he'd craved for so long.

"You didn't screw anything up," Ashton whispered slowly, still holding him tightly. "I overreacted," he said when they pulled apart. "God  _dammit_ , Luke, I made such a big deal out of the wrong thing and I'm sorry." Ashton took a deep breath, and Luke could see that it was hard for him to say the things he was admitting. "And you want to know why I did it?" Seconds ticked by like hours when Luke waited to hear what Ashton would say, and once the words were out, Luke was confused. "I did it because I was scared to fall in love with you." 

The thoughts in Luke's mind began racing around so fast that his head hurt and, staring into Ashton's eyes, he suddenly felt a little dizzy. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, I've never been in love before so I guess I kind of panicked," Ashton admitted. "I've been in relationships before, obviously, and I screwed them all up. Every single one. So I stopped dating for a while. And two weeks ago I thought I should try it again, but look how that turned out." He rubbed the back of his neck and Luke could see him trying to pick out the right words. "You're so different, you know? There's something about you that just stands out and I don't even know how to explain it." Ashton groaned and leaned back against one of the shelves. "I'm in fucking  _college_. People fall in love all the time in college and it's not supposed to happen to _me_. I didn't want to accept it because I was scared. I thought that if I couldn't even handle a relationship, how the hell would I be able to handle the fact that I was  _in love_ with someone? And it's the most selfish thing I've ever done. But I think...I think I can accept it now."

Luke opened his mouth to say something, but only discovered that he was at a loss for words. There were so many things he wanted to do at that moment, but he couldn't find himself doing any of them. So he stood there, mouth opening and closing with no words coming out, and he knew he definitely looked like an idiot. 

"Luke, just say something," Ashton begged. " _Anything._ God, tell me about the weather or something."

"It's partly cloudy with a chance of me being late to my next class." Luke pulled Ashton away from the shelf and pressed their lips together. His body felt on fire and Ashton's lips fit perfectly against his. Luke's mind jumbled around aimlessly. His eyes closed and he pressed deeply into the kiss, never wanting to let Ashton go. When Ashton kissed back, Luke's mind felt at ease and he couldn't help but smile into the kiss. The hug was great, but Luke thought the kiss was better, and at that moment, he really didn't care if he was going to be late to another class.


	20. it was a good kind of overwhelming

Luke knew he had school the next day, and he knew that he hadn't finished any of his homework over the weekend. The day had seemed to stretch on endlessly and, since it was nighttime, he was only then beginning to realize how unproductive his day had been.

But really, in a way, it had also been extremely productive. One of the most productive days of his life, when it came down to it.

To be blunt, Luke and Ashton had gone on their first date. It was cheesy and cliché and unbelievably corny, but it also marked a day of importance for both of them. A movie, dinner, and a long walk in the park afterwards, that was all. But it had an air of such simplicity to it that Luke wouldn't have exchanged it for anything else.

It was Ashton's idea. 

"I suck at dating and romance shit," Ashton had said when asking Luke out after classes on Friday. He had only barely caught Luke in the parking lot and so he took the opportunity, scurrying over to his car. "But, like, if you're not busy on Sunday, we should go out." 

Sunday came and Sunday left, though neither of them really wanted it to end. The day had been filled with the awkward first-date vibe that lingered on, despite being unwanted, and Luke thought it was perfect. He had finally gotten to see Ashton in that nervous state of blushing and giggling, and it was hopelessly endearing. Ashton was always the over-confident, loud person that never really seemed to care about being over-the-top. But, for the first time, Luke saw Ashton being cautious. He saw Ashton turn into a gentle, protective person, and it filled Luke with a feeling of safety. 

Most of all, Luke thought it was refreshing being able to see Ashton care for him. Months ago he'd thought it was painfully apparent that Ashton had a keen sense of dislike toward him, but all of that had washed away. Ashton had let his guard down, and he was ready to be completely honest. He figured there was no sense in hiding it anymore, and so he watched over Luke with a fond color swimming in his eyes. 

Luke didn't take it for granted; he knew how lucky he was to have Ashton. He had never been so in love with someone before, and the feeling was overwhelming — so overwhelming that he'd almost choked on his steak when he looked up to catch Ashton staring at him from across the table at dinner. But it was a good kind of overwhelming. It was the kind of overwhelming that Luke wanted to spend the rest of his life experiencing. It was the kind of overwhelming that sent a shock from his fingers to his toes when he remembered that Ashton actually, genuinely cared about him. 

The sun didn't set until eight o'clock, so it was still light when they'd finished dinner. Even though they'd already gone through the physical stage of their relationship months ago, neither of them really knew each other, and they'd only just realized that. So they took the chance in the park to talk. The warm evening air settled around them while they walked beneath the shade of the trees. When Ashton had reached over to lace their fingers together, Luke felt his stomach do a flip. It was such a simple, casual thing, but it was so different for them. Ashton was nervous — Luke could tell because he could feel the sticky sweat on his hands. Several times Ashton took his hand away to wipe his palm against his jeans, apologizing for the disgusting perspiration, but Luke only giggled in response.

They talked about their families and their pets and the things they liked. They talked about their friends and their favorite albums and their favorite places. Luke wanted to know everything about Ashton. He wanted to know about the stupid quirks he had, and he wanted to know his embarrassing childhood stories. They spent an hour exchanging facts about each other, and it was comforting. Luke wanted to walk forever if it meant that he would get to know every little detail about Ashton. 

But then the sun had disappeared over the horizon and Luke began complaining about how it was getting cold, so they decided to head back to Ashton's house. Though neither of them had really said it, they both knew that Luke was going to sleep over that night. It just felt right. Even though Luke had unfinished work waiting for him in his apartment, he was fine with leaving it neglected. He had a list of priorities and, at that moment, Ashton was at the top of that list. 

Ashton was leaning on the counter by the microwave, reading the instructions on the uncooked bag of popcorn, when he felt Luke come up behind him and drop his hands on his waist. 

"What are you doing?" Ashton asked. He dropped the packet on the countertop and turned around so he could face Luke, who wore a proud smirk on his face. 

"Waiting for the popcorn," he replied simply. "But, I mean, we don't  _have_ to make popcorn. There are other things we could do."

"What are you implying?"

Luke leaned down and pressed a kiss to the side of Ashton's neck, causing Ashton to stumble and lean back against the counter to maintain his balance. Luke trailed his fingers down Ashton's side until he reached the hem of his sweatpants. He hooked one finger inside the waistband and suddenly Ashton pulled apart, swatting Luke's hand away.

"You _slut_ ," he hissed. "I don't fuck on the first date," he insisted, to which Luke responded with by rolling his eyes dramatically. 

They ended up having sex anyway. 

And that night, curled up underneath the sheets with Ashton pressed against him, Luke finally felt like all the pieces in his life had clicked together. A dim stream of light poured in from the edges of the closed curtains, allowing Luke to barely make out the shape of Ashton lying next to him. He watched the steady rise and fall of his chest and he took in every detail of Ashton's face. Luke felt lucky, extremely lucky. He pulled the covers around him and Ashton like a cocoon and pressed their bodies closer together. He knew that getting out of bed the next morning was going to be hard.

\---

"Would you look at this?" Luke groaned. He was standing in front of the bathroom mirror with his shirt off, turned around to examine the red marks trailing down from his shoulder blades. "There are  _scratches_ on my  _back_." 

Ashton popped his head into the bathroom and laughed. "Sorry," he said, though his tone was anything but apologetic. "Are you okay with corn flakes? It's all I've got." Luke nodded before Ashton bouncily descended the stairs to get their breakfast ready. 

They ate at the table in a comfortable silence with the television flicked on in the other room, blasting out the sound of some morning show. 

"I think I'm going to tell Michael today," Luke finally announced. There was one corn flake left swimming in his bowl of milk, and he swirled it around with his spoon nervously. "And you should eat lunch with us later."

Ashton looked up from his cereal. "Tell Michael what?"

"That I'm kind-of-sort-of dating you," Luke stated blankly, and he almost dropped his spoon into the milk when his fingers started shaking. "Can you come with me?" he asked in a quieter tone. "I need you to sit with us so I don't pass out from nervousness." 

Ashton smiled. "Of course." 

After swinging by Luke's apartment for him to gather his supplies and unfinished homework, they went to their respective lectures and waited for lunch. Luke found himself staring at the clock far too often than he should've and he could feel the anxiety building up in his stomach. He felt like telling Michael would bring him one step closer to telling everyone — including his family. School was out in two weeks, and Luke had already booked a flight back to Australia to kick off the summer. It was the first and last time he would be seeing his family for a while and he knew he would have to tell the truth, as hard as it would be. So he felt like coming out to Michael was his practice round. If he could get it right when telling his best friend, then telling his family shouldn't have been much harder.

Finally lunch came along and when Ashton followed Luke outside to the table where his friends were sitting, Calum smiled brightly. 

"I hope you guys don't mind if Ashton sits with us," Luke said.

"It's fine," Calum piped up. "How do you guys know each other?" he questioned, with obvious intentions of getting Luke to spit out the truth. 

Luke took a seat on the opposite bench from Michael and Calum, allowing Ashton to sit next to him. "We're, uh, just friends, you know." Ashton kicked him underneath the table and Luke swore. "We're dating," he blurted out. 

There it was. The truth was out there, and it was out there a lot quicker than he'd intended. There was an "aww" from Calum and an "I knew it" from Michael — the last reaction he was expecting.

"What do you mean you knew it?" Luke asked Michael, who was working on his sandwich with a smug grin on his face. 

"Well, like, the other day you guys were slurping each other's faces off in the back of the library, so I kind of figured there was something going on." Calum burst into a fit of laughter and Luke frowned.

"Slurping?" Ashton repeated. "We were not  _slurping_." He shuddered. "You make it sound so gross!" 

"Oh, okay," Michael said sarcastically. "Next time I'll record it and you guys can tell me what you want to call it. But until then, it's slurping." 

"Wait — you  _saw_ that?" Luke asked. "And you never told me?" If Michael had caught them then he could only imagine how many other people saw as well.

"I'm telling you now," Michael smiled. "I saw you and Ashton slurping each other's faces off in the library last week." Ashton cringed again and Michael snickered quietly. 

"Is he always this annoying?" Ashton asked Luke jokingly, and Michael scowled at him before throwing a piece of lettuce from his sandwich. 

"You two are such children," Calum moaned, fishing his phone out of his sweatshirt pocket and ducking his head down. "I'm embarrassed to be eating with you," he told Michael. "And,  _you_  —" he briefly looked up at Luke "—control your boyfriend." 

 _Boyfriend_. No one had ever used that word to describe Luke and Ashton relative to one another. Ashton was Luke's  _boyfriend_. It was such a simple statement, but Luke liked it. He liked being able to call Ashton his boyfriend. 

It was strange that Luke and Ashton had always had a complicated relationship from the start. Things had always been a blur of confusion and problems for them. But now that they were dumbing it down, making their relationship simple, it felt so much nicer. It felt so much more calming and relieving for both of them. It was the tiny things they did — the hand-holding, the teasing, the dating — that made it so much more enjoyable. And Luke wanted it to stay like that forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more update left! I can't believe this story's almost over :(


	21. all the bruises had healed

16-hour flights were horrendously long and boring, and Luke almost forgot how much he hated them until finally school was out and he ended up on one. Calum and Michael were on the same flight as him, all of them having decided to visit their families after surviving the school-year, and Luke had dragged Ashton along too. It wasn't that Ashton didn't want to visit his family; it was that he physically couldn't. 

His mother had taken his younger siblings all the way to London for a quick "school's out" trip and Ashton, being the semi-broke college student he was, had no way of affording those kinds of travel expenses, and instead planned on visiting them later in the summer.

But Luke still wanted him to come along — in fact, he had refused to let Ashton stay back in Seattle for the first weeks of summer break — and so, after several days of protests, Ashton finally gave in.

Luke was excited and nervous at the same time. He was excited to see his family and he was excited to boast about how he'd survived his first year of college, but he also knew that it was time for the truth to come out. Because if it didn't come out now, it wasn't going to come out for another year, and Luke wasn't sure if he would be able to withstand that kind of pressure.

Knowing that Ashton was going to be with him should've been reassuring, but it wasn't really. His problem was that he wasn't sure exactly how to do it, or when to do it, or who to tell. His mom would be a good start. But what about his brothers? And his dad? Did they deserve to know? 

So, really, when Luke thought of it that way, the 16-hour flight was great and he never wanted it to end. Hooray for procrastination. 

But then it ended. And his friends were all giddy to finally get off the plane, despite the fact that they all looked like they'd just lived through an explosion. Ashton had spent the whole trip sleeping, and he was so tired that Luke had to shake him awake at first. Then Luke thought that if Ashton didn't want to get off the plane and he didn't want to get off the plane either, then neither of them would ever have to get off the plane. So he sat and waited for the passengers behind them to clear the aisles until it was only Michael and Calum left pulling out their luggage from the storage compartments above them. 

"Are you two just going to sit there?" Michael asked as he pulled a red duffel bag down, only narrowly missing Calum's head. 

"Yeah," Luke answered.

Calum pulled a suitcase down and threw it onto Luke's lap harshly. "There's your bag. You're welcome. Get off the plane." 

Luke scowled at him and slowly got out of his seat. It took a while, but eventually he'd managed to get Ashton awake and out of the plane, and the four of them sluggishly walked through the airport, weaving around hyperactive children. There was a lot of yawning between the four of them and Luke could already feel the jet-lag settling in when they made their way over to the baggage claim. 

"What if I just hopped on?" Michael said, watching the various bags circle around on the luggage belt. "Where would I go?"

"China," Calum replied. "You should try it."

Michael kicked Calum in the shin and reached forward to pull off a suitcase that had come around the corner. Ashton had gathered up all their suitcases into a pile and was lying on the floor with his head cushioned on them, waiting for the other boys to gather their luggage. 

Michael was the first to find his family, then Calum after him, and soon it was only Luke and Ashton left, dragging their suitcases behind them as they explored the airport. Luke's brother said he was going to be late, so it wasn't really a surprise, but Ashton was still sleepy nonetheless, and somehow they ended up in a coffee shop. It was almost two in the afternoon but the jet-lag had completely taken over them (mostly Ashton, mind you) and it felt closer to midnight. But that all changed with one sip of coffee.

Ashton didn't even like coffee. He wrinkled his nose in disgust when Luke sat down with the steamy drink. Luke originally wasn't a fan of it either, but he was willing to go desperate measures to get rid of jet-lag.

Luke offered Ashton to take a sip, promising that it would help with the jet-lag, and so Ashton took it. Deciding it tasted  _okay_ , Ashton took another sip after that and another after that one as well. After consuming half the cup, he felt ready to take on the world. He also felt like he really needed to use the restroom.

By the time they found Jack wandering the airport aimlessly, Ashton was still high off the considerable amount of caffeine he'd had. It was good, in a way. It made the awkward first-time-meeting-your-boyfriend's-family thing a lot less awkward, but still very awkward at the same time when Ashton was wound up with copious amounts of energy. Thankfully Ashton didn't say anything too embarrassing beside the comment he made about feeling like a drunken squirrel, to which Luke responded with by elbowing him in the ribs. When Luke had introduced Ashton to Jack as being only his friend, Ashton pouted a little and Luke pretended not to notice. 

One step out of the airport and under the roasting Australian sunlight and Ashton flailed his arms around, crying something out about how the sun burned. Jack shot Ashton a confused look while Luke tried to calm him down nervously. 

"It's so  _hot_ here," Ashton whined. "I'm going to melt." He grabbed Luke dramatically. " _I'm going to melt_ ," he repeated, and Luke nodded before whispering for him to shut up. 

The car ride was strange, to say the least. Jack had turned on the radio and Ashton was singing along in the backseat next to Luke, who watched him with boredom. Ashton had tried to get Luke to sing along several times and Luke had simply flipped him off each time. 

"You're never drinking caffeine again," Luke said when Ashton tried to get him to sing Happy with him. 

"Did you know Pharrell Williams is 41?" Ashton asked once the song had ended. "He's _forty-one_. He so moisturizes. His skin looks like it's as soft as a baby's butt. You could cut cheese with his cheekbones."

Jack burst out laughing from the driver's seat and Luke covered his face behind his hands in shame. 

The strange part was that once the radio began playing commercials, Ashton fell asleep in a matter of seconds. Ah, yes. The side effects of caffeine. After the buzzing hyperactivity came the dull after-effects. The car was filled with an air of silence between Luke and his brother, the only sound being a Snapple commercial rolling on the radio. They were out of the city now and driving in what seemed to be the middle of nowhere. Luke missed the middle of nowhere. He'd spent so much time in the heart of a big city that never seemed to sleep and he was ready to relax in a place where everything was quieter. Of course, the weather was severely warmer, but it was a nice contrast to the constant Washington rain. 

"I like your friend," Jack finally spoke up, and Luke swallowed nervously.  _Friend._ "Is he always that happy?"

"Sometimes, I guess, I don't know. I think he had too much caffeine. The jet-lag was pretty bad so we shared some coffee, and I guess something just clicked." 

Soon the car pulled into their driveway and the next hour was filled with a blur of awkward greetings between Luke, his family, and Ashton. Ashton played it off pretty well, despite the fact that the caffeine had worn out and he ended up having to rely on his own social skills. But Ashton was naturally a people-person, so it really wasn't that challenging for him. Luke's family almost immediately began interrogating him but Ashton didn't seem to mind. 

All-in-all, Luke's family seemed to like Ashton, and he was glad for that. When his mom announced that she'd already prepared the guest bedroom for him, Luke simply said thank you, though he knew they probably wouldn't need that extra room. He wasn't going to force Ashton to sleep alone in a house that wasn't his; of course not. Plus he really wanted to sleep with Ashton. He was undeniably exhausted from the plane ride and even though the coffee provided some temporary relief, his mind was still set on falling asleep — but not alone. He didn't want to sleep alone. 

Luke and Ashton both made their way upstairs and down the hall over to Luke's bedroom, hauling their bags with them. Luke twisted open the doorknob and Ashton reached his hand out to stop him.

"Wait; where's the guest room?" he asked innocently. 

Luke rolled his eyes. "You're not sleeping in the guest room," he said. 

Ashton nodded, though his face was still screwed up with confusion. "Then where am I sleeping?" 

"With me," Luke stated, as if it was the obvious answer. 

"No, Luke, I can't," Ashton protested. "I don't want your parents getting mad."

"They won't even know," Luke said simply before pushing his way into the room. The walls were crowded with band posters and bad internet memes. There was a laptop on a desk against one wall with a stack of video games lying on the floor next to it. The curtains were drawn, blocking out the sunlight and making the room fairly dark. It was a lot busier than Luke's bedroom in Seattle was, mainly because Luke had spent eighteen years of his life transforming it into what it was. Luke caught Ashton staring at some of the walls with a look of awe on his face and he reached over to shut the door.

"This room is so stereotypical teenage-boy," Ashton breathed, staring at the pile of broken video-game controllers stashed in one corner. "It's so  _you_." He turned to smile at Luke. "I like it." 

Luke pressed a quick kiss on Ashton's lips. "Good," he said. "Also, I'm going to sleep now. Feel free to join me." 

\---

Though the bed wasn't too small, it was pretty obvious that it was only meant for one person. Luke fell asleep with Ashton's arm wrapped around his waist and their bodies pressed close together to make up for the lack of space. They slept for a few hours like that until finally Luke found himself awake at a quarter to eleven. The room was completely dark then and it almost felt like time had stopped completely. Luke could hear faint mumbling coming from the TV downstairs and he could feel Ashton slowly breathing next to him, caught in a deep trance of sleep. 

Luke slowly shuffled out from Ashton's embrace and slipped off the bed. He fumbled around in the dark for the door handle and closed the door behind him slowly and carefully to not wake Ashton. He padded down the stairs quietly and into the kitchen. He was focused on finding an empty glass when he heard a voice come from the other room.

"Luke? Is that you?" 

Luke filled up the glass with water from the tap and took a sip while he strolled into the living room. His mom was sitting on the couch reading the newspaper with the TV turned down to a low volume. 

"Just getting some water," he said, gesturing to the drink in his hand. "Where's Dad?"

"He's asleep," she answered. "How's Ashton?"

Luke almost dropped his water. "Great." He made his way over to take a seat next to his mom, and suddenly his thoughts caught up with his actions and he realized what he was about to do. It was quiet and there was no one else around; it was the perfect time for him to get it out of his system. "There's, uh, something I need to talk to you about," he said hesitantly. 

"Of course, love, go ahead." His mom set her newspaper down for a moment and looked over at him. "Oh, no, it's not bad, is it? You didn't get a girl pregnant, did you? I know those university parties can get a little crazy sometimes with all the alcohol and everything. Gosh, I was a teenager once. I can only imagine how different things are now—"

"No," Luke cut her off briskly. His hands were shaking when he leaned over to set his glass of water down on the coffee table in front of them. "It's — no." He frowned. "Definitely not that." He took a deep breath and could feel his heart rate speed up and his hands become clammy. "It's about Ashton." He was halfway there. All he needed to do was say it, and —"We're together. Like,  _together-_ together." 

His mom leaned over to give him a hug and he could feel the relief flush through him. No more secrets. "That's it? You had me worried there. I don't mean to be dull about this, but I kind of figured that out myself." 

Luke pulled away from the hug and sighed. "Why does everyone say that? Are we really that obvious?" 

"I called you two down for dinner and when neither of you came down, I went upstairs to go check on things, and—"

" _No_ _,_ " Luke moaned. "Are you kidding? Why didn't you knock first?" 

"I did!" she insisted. "And then nobody answered and the door was unlocked—"

"Okay, okay, okay, got it." Luke knew he was blushing now and he rubbed his hands over his face in an effort to hide that. 

"I'm so happy for you," his mom continued with a bright smile. "There are so many things I want to know, though." She then burst into a round of quickfire, shooting out questions at a rapid rate and trying to pry out all the details.

Luke was glad. He was glad about the reaction he'd received and he was glad to get the truth out there. Luke was tired of burying up his secrets and if anyone deserved to know about him, it was his family. And now that his family knew, he felt as if a huge burden had been relieved from him. He felt like things would be easier now — not just between him and Ashton, but also between his friends and family. 

When Luke slowly opened the door to his room a half hour later, he heard a shifting sound come from the bed.

"Luke?"

Luke closed the door with a soft click, drowning out the room with darkness once again, and crawled back into bed next to Ashton. "Yeah, sorry, I left to get a drink."

"That was a really long drink," Ashton noted. He wrapped his arm again around Luke's waist and pulled the covers over the two of them.

"I told my mom," Luke said quietly. He couldn't see Ashton in the darkness of the room but he knew that he was smiling when he pulled Luke closer to him. 

"What'd she say?"

"She interviewed me for half an hour," Luke stated. "But she said she's happy for us and she said you seem like a nice person." 

"That's good," Ashton breathed. 

Luke laughed quietly. "Yeah, it is." 

"Your brother probably thinks I'm weird, though."

"He said he liked you. Said you seemed like a really happy person."

"Really?" Ashton laughed.

There were a few seconds of silence between the two of them and Luke felt his eyes drifting shut and his mind floating off into the world of sleep when suddenly Ashton spoke up again.

"I love you, Luke." They were four simple words and Ashton had whispered them so quietly that Luke almost didn't hear them. 

Luke suddenly never felt safer with Ashton lying next to him in his bed at home. He thought that maybe things with him and Ashton were going to work out this time. He felt like all the bruises in his and Ashton's screwed-up relationship had healed and he knew that things were going to be better now. Both of them knew it.

"I love you too, Ash." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last official chapter :( I can't believe this story's already at the end.  
> But don't worry, this isn't the last update! I got a lot of requests to write an epilogue so I decided to go through with it :) It should be up soon.


	22. epilogue. forever

Luke woke up in the comforting darkness of the living room with the TV frozen on the menu screen of Mean Girls. A pink fleece blanket patterned with small bunnies was covering him and Ashton — a gift that Luke had received from him two years ago on his birthday. It was kind of a lame gift, but Luke loved it way more than he should have — simply because it was from Ashton. 

Ashton was snoring softly next to Luke with his face nuzzled against Luke's neck. Luke looked down at the flop of golden-brown curls lying next to him, faintly outlined with a white glow emanating from the TV screen, and suddenly realized that he didn't want to get up and shut off the movie. Ashton wasn't tiny, but he definitely looked tiny when he was asleep and cuddled up next to him. And Luke liked that.

The film had ended hours ago, judging by how dark it was outside, but Luke didn't even remember falling asleep. He realized that it was peaceful. The darkness and stillness of the room forced a feeling of calmness to wash through him. It felt like time had frozen and Luke liked it. Ashton had had a long, stressful day filled with pesky job interviews, and Luke wanted to make it better for him by popping a DVD in. Even though both of them ended up sleeping through half the movie, it was relaxing just to be next to each other.

Luke nudged Ashton carefully. "Ashton?" No response. "We should probably get off the couch now. It's like three in the morning." Ashton pressed up closer against Luke. 

Luke let out a sigh and slowly removed himself from Ashton, who let out an annoyed grumble at the lack of body heat. Luke switched off the TV and DVD player, blanketing the room in complete darkness — the only light being a pathetic, green dot coming from the microwave in the kitchen. 

He stumbled back to the couch and, after his eyes began to adjust to the darkness, was barely able to make out the lump lying underneath the blanket. 

"C'mon, Ash," Luke urged, tapping him lightly on the shoulder. "Your room's just down the hall. It's thirty steps from here."

" _Our_ room," Ashton corrected quietly, and Luke could've sworn he heard Ashton giggling into one of the couch cushions. Ashton was disgustingly happy about the fact that Luke had moved in with him. In fact, he hadn't shut up about it for the past month. Calum and Michael were more than annoyed at Ashton's daily reminders, but they stuck through with it because they knew how happy Ashton made Luke. 

"Please," Luke begged, and finally Ashton shifted into an upright position — or at least that's what it looked like.

" _Fine,_ " Ashton moaned, wrapping the blanket around him as he stood up. 

"Wait watch out for the—"

There was a loud thunk, the sound of Ashton's foot kicking into a leg of the coffee table, followed by a long groan. 

Ashton already had poor eyesight when the lights were on; the darkness only made him even blinder. He refused to wear his glasses, whining like a seven-year-old every time Luke told him to. And though Luke tried to give him a fair warning about the coffee table, it had only come a bit too late. 

Luke's natural inclination was to laugh. But his second natural inclination was to dote over Ashton and make sure he hadn't broken any bones. So that's what he did.

"Are you okay?" Luke asked, maneuvering his way around the dark outline of the table to put his arm around his boyfriend.

"Fuck, I'm injured," Ashton complained dramatically. "Can you carry me back to our room?" he asked, putting emphasis on the  _our_. "Bridal style? Like they do in the movies?" 

Luke laughed weakly. "As romantic as that is, it's probably not the best idea." So, instead, Luke acted as a crutch and helped Ashton limp back to their room down the hall. Thirty steps was a longer journey when you were injured and blindly stumbling around in the dark. 

Once Ashton was curled up underneath the sheets, Luke crawled in next to him, lining their bodies up carefully in the darkness.

"Luke, what time is it?" 

Luke rolled over and dropped his hand down on the alarm clock to light up the screen. "3:25," he answered. 

"You know what that means?" Ashton giggled, breaking the calm silence being held in the room. "Don't say it, though. I want to say it."

Luke wrapped an arm around Ashton's torso. "What does it mean?" 

"It means it's our third anniversary," Ashton said, and Luke could hear the happiness in his voice.

Three years was a long time — 1,095 days, to be exact. 1,095 days filled with a mixture of good days and bad days and stressful days and peaceful days. Everything came as a blur to Luke. His mind only recalled faint clips of what had happened over the past two years, like scenes from a movie. 

Luke still had two more weeks of school until it was time to be thrown into the real world and face the grueling reality of focusing on a career and starting a life. Going to college and working part-time had, apparently, only been another bridge connecting his teenage days to the rest of his life. It had only been another level challenging him to see if he was ready. And he was.

But he was also scared shitless. What was he supposed to do with his college degree? How was he supposed to know what career he wanted to nosedive into? Sure, he was 21 years old, but that failed to reassure him. There were too many decisions to make and not enough time. There would never be enough time. But that was what life was, wasn't it? A sequence of fast-paced decisions that never seemed to end. 

So, really, it was okay for him to be scared. The economy didn't look very promising and there were so many uncertain things littering the path of his future. Fear was natural.

But the only certain thing that seemed grounded into his life was Ashton, he realized. It was over this course of three years that Luke really began to realize what it felt like to be in love. It wasn't about the dating or the flirting in public. It wasn't even about the sex.

It was about how they would stay up until four in the morning texting each other from opposite sides of Seattle, revealing their deepest fears and hopes. It was about how, in a room crowded with hundreds of people, they always managed to find their way back to each other, like there was some sort of gravitational pull connecting the two of them. It was about the way they held hands when making love to each other, as a reminder that their relationship had more to it than just sex. It was about the smaller things that only they could see. 

And when they decided to move in together, both of them thought it was the right idea. It seemed like the next logical step in their relationship. 

"Three years," Luke repeated after a moment, because that was all his mind could think of saying.

"I can't believe I fell in love with the asshole that rear-ended my car," Ashton finally said. "Three years ago," he added in. 

There was something about life that made everything so risky. Going to school was risky. Meeting new strangers was risky. Applying for a job was risky. But Luke believed that falling in love was the most risky. Because falling in love with someone was a risk within itself. Falling in love with someone meant you were giving that person all of your trust.

Luke gently pressed a kiss to Ashton's shoulder. "'Night, Ash."

There were a few seconds of silence and then a quiet snoring sound, and Luke couldn't help but smile.

That was when Luke realized that falling in love with Ashton was the best risk he'd ever taken. Three years was definitely a long time, but he wanted to spend another three years doing the same thing — being in love. And maybe another three years after that. And three years again, until all of the three years' piled up into forever. 

Luke wanted to spend forever with Ashton. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The epilogue was really just word vomit haha
> 
> Now you go watch the forever cover bc of the amount of intense lashton staring in it!!
> 
> Anyway, this is the end.... I'm definitely going to keep on writing more fics, but before that, I have so many things to say.
> 
> Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU, to every single one of you. The amount of support I got on this story was astonishing, for lack of a better word, and I will never be able to tell you guys how much it means to me. Thank you to every lovely person that left comments, kudos, or votes on this. I started writing this story as a way to kill some free time and I can hardly believe that it's over. 
> 
> I've finally finished my first fic yaaayyyy :)))
> 
> Thank you guys so much for sticking through with this. It makes me incredibly happy to know that there are actually people that like my writing!
> 
> Also, my friend Denise made a playlist for this fic (tons of love for her) and it's definitely worth listening to! The songs correspond with the chapters, and they set a really good background if you listen to music while reading. 
> 
> {FOR THE ART OF WAR PLAYLIST}  
> 1 - art of war, we the kings  
> 2 - chemicals collide, boys like girls  
> 3 - kids too young, for the foxes  
> 4 - au revoir, onerepublic  
> 5 - the only reason, 5 seconds of summer  
> 6 - please don't leave me, p!nk  
> 7 - blue as your eyes, scouting for girls  
> 8 - dirty little secret, the all-american rejects  
> 9 - something great, one direction  
> 10 - things i'll never say, avril lavigne  
> 11 - arms, christina perri  
> 12 - say it now, we the kings  
> 13 - nothing here but love, lenka  
> 14 - pull me in, jon d  
> 15 - tonight, the royal concept  
> 16 - la la, the cab  
> 17 - wicked games, gemma hayes  
> 18 - stay, mayday parade  
> 19 - somewhere only we know, keane  
> 20 - fall, cider sky  
> 21 - come home, onerepublic  
> epilogue - all of the stars, ed sheeran
> 
> You can listen to the playlist here → http://8tracks.com/daneesee/for-the-art-of-war
> 
> Again, thank you. I could say thank you a million times and I would never be able to fully express how much I love you guys. I received so many nice comments and made so many new friends through this, and it leaves me speechless. 
> 
> Love you guysss


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